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we asked about mieps doctor。
〃doctor？〃 said jan。 〃what doctor？ i called him this morning and got his secretary on the line。 i asked for a flu prescription and was told i could e pick it up tomor… row morning between eight and nine。 if youve got a particularly bad case of flu； the doctor himself es to the phone and says； stick out your tongue and say 〃aah。鈥�
oh； i can hear it； your throats infected。 ill write out a prescription and you can bring it to the phar… macy。 good day。 and thats that。 easy job hes got； diagnosis by phone。 but i shouldnt blame the doctors。〃 after all； a person has only two hands； and these days therere too many patients and too few doctors。鈥�
still； we all had a good laugh at jans phone call。 i can just imagine what a doctors waiting room looks like these days。 doctors no longer turn up their noses at the poorer patients； but at those with minor illnesses。 〃hey； what are you doing here？鈥�
they think。 〃go to the end of the line； real patients have priority！鈥�
yours； anne
thursday； march 16； 1944
dearest kitty；
the weather is gorgeous； indescribably beautiful； ill be going up to the attic in a moment。
i now know why im so much more restless than peter。 he has his own room； where he can work； dream； think and sleep。 im constantly being chased from one corner to another。 im never alone in the room i share with dussel； though i long to be so much。 thats another reason i take refuge in the attic。 when im there； or with you； i
can be myself； at least for a little while。 still； i dont want to moan and groan。 on the contrary； i want to be brave！
thank goodness the others notice nothing of my innermost feelings； except that every day im growing cooler and more contemptuous of mother； less affection… ate to father and less willing to share a single thought with margot； im closed up tighter than a drum。 above all； i have to maintain my air of confidence。 no one must know that my heart and mind are constantly at war with each other。 up to now reason has always won the battle； but will my emotions get the upper hand？ sometimes i fear they will； but more often i actually hope they do！
oh； its so terribly hard not to talk to peter about these things； but i know i have to let him begin； its so hard to act during the daytime as if everything ive said and done in my dreams had never taken place！ kitty； anne is crazy； but then these are crazy times and even crazier circumstances。
the nicest part is being able to write down all my thoughts and feelings； otherwise； id absolutely suffocate。 i wonder what peter thinks about all these things？ i keep thinking ill be able to talk to him about them one day。 he must have guessed something about the inner me； since he couldnt possibly love the outer anne hes known so far！ how could someone like peter； who loves peace and quiet； possibly stand my bustle and noise？ will he be the first and only person to see whats beneath my granite mask？ will it take him long？ isnt there some old saying about love being akin to pity？ isnt that whats happening here as well？ because i often pity him as much as i do myself！
i honestly dont know how to begin； i really dont； so how can i expect peter to when talking is so much harder for him？ if only i could write to him； then at least hed know what i was trying to say； since its so hard to say it out loud！
yours； anne
m。 frank
friday； march 17； 1944
my dearest darling； everything turned out all right after all； bep just had a sore throat； not the flu； and mr。 kugler got a medical certificate to excuse him from the work detail。 the entire annex breathed a huge sigh of relief。 everythings fine here！ except that margot and i are rather tired of our parents。
dont get me wrong。 i still love father as much as ever and margot loves both father and mother； but when youre as old as we are； you want to make a few decisions for yourself； get out from under their thumb。 whenever i go upstairs； they ask what im going to do； they wont let me salt my food； mother asks me every evening at eight…fifteen if it isnt time for me to change into my nighty； i and they have to approve every book i read。 i must admit； theyre not at all strict about that and let me read nearly everything； but margot and i are sick and tired of having to listen to their ments and questions all day long。
theres something else that displeases them： i no longer feel like giving them little kisses morning； noon and night。 all those cute nicknames seem so affected； and fathers fondness for talking about farting and going to the bathroom is disgusting。 in short； id like nothing better than to do without their pany for a while； and they dont understand that。 not that margot and i have ever said any of this to them。 what would be the point？ they wouldnt understand anyway。
margot said last night； 〃what really bothers me is that if you happen to put your head in your hands and sigh once or twice； they immediately ask whether you have a headache or dont feel well。鈥�
for both of us； its been quite a blow to suddenly realize that very little remains of the close and harmoni… ous family we used to have at home！ this is mostly because everythings out of kilter here。 by that i mean that were treated like children when it es to external matters； while； inwardly； were much older than other girls our age。
even though im only fourteen； i know what i want； i know whos right and whos wrong； i have my own opinions； ideas and principles； and though it may sound odd ing from a teenager； i feel im more of a person than a child i feel im pletely independent of others。 i know im better at debating or carrying on a discussion than mother； i know im more objective； i dont exaggerate as much； im much tidier and better with my hands； and because of that i feel （this may make you laugh） that im superior to her in many ways。 to love someone； i have to admire and respect the person； but i feel neither respect nor admiration for mother！
everything would be all right if only i had peter； since i admire him in many ways。
hes so decent and clever！
yours； anne
m。 frank
saturday； march 18； 1944
dearest kitty；
ive told you more about myself and my feelings than ive ever told a living soul； so why shouldnt that include sex？
parents； and people in general； are very peculiar when it es to sex。 instead of telling their sons and daughters everything at the age of twelve； they send the children out of the room the moment the subject arises and leave them to find out everything on their own。 later on； when parents notice that their children have； somehow； e by their information； they assume they know more （or less） than they actually do。 so why dont they try to make amends by asking them whats what？
a major stumbling block for the adults though in my opinion its no more than a pebble is that theyre afraid their children will no longer look upon marriage as sacred and pure once they realize that； in most cases； this purity is a lot of nonsense。
as far as im concerned； its not wrong for a man to bring a little experience to a marriage。 after all； it has nothing to do with the marriage itself； does it？
soon after i turned eleven； they told