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day and night； during every waking hour； i do nothing but ask myself； 〃have you given him enough chance to be alone？ have you been spending too much time upstairs？ do you talk too much about serious subjects hes not yet ready to talk about？ maybe he doesnt even like you？ has it all been your imagination？ but then why has he told you so much about himself？ is he sorry he did？〃 and a whole lot more。
yesterday afternoon i was so worn out by the sad news from the outside that i lay down on my divan for a nap。 all i wanted was to sleep and not have to think。 i slept until four； but then i had to go next door。 it wasnt easy； answering all mothers questions and inventing an excuse to explain my nap to father。 i pleaded a headache； which wasnt a lie； since i did have one。 。 。 on the inside！
ordinary people； ordinary girls； teenagers like myself； would think im a little nuts with all my self…pity。 but thats just it。 i pour my heart out to you； and the rest of the time im as impudent； cheerful and self…confident as possible to avoid questions and keep from getting on my own nerves。
margot is very kind and would like me to confide in her； but i cant tell her everything。 she takes me too seriously； far too seriously； and spends a lot of time thinking about her loony sister； looking at me closely whenever i open my mouth and wondering； 〃is she acting； or does she really mean it？鈥�
its because were always together。 i dont want the person i confide in to be around me all the time。 when will i untangle my jumbled thoughts？ when will i find inner peace again？
yours； anne
tuesday； march 14； 1944
dearest kitty；
it might be amusing for you （though not for me） to hear what were going to eat today。 the cleaning lady is working downstairs； so at the moment im seated at the van daans oilcloth…covered table with a handkerchief sprinkled with fragrant prewar perfume pressed to my nose and mouth。 you probably dont have the faintest idea what im talking about； so let me 〃begin at the begin… ning。〃 the people who supply us with food coupons have been arrested； so we have just our five black…market ra… …； tion books…no coupons； no fats and oils。 since miep and mr。 kleiman are sick again； bep cant manage the shop… ping。 the food is wretched； and so are we。 as of tomor… row； we wont have a scrap of fat； butter or margarine。 we cant eat fried potatoes for breakfast （which weve been doing to save on bread）； so were having hot cereal instead； and because mrs。 van d。 thinks were starving； we bought some half…and…half。 lunch today consists of mashed potatoes and pickled kale。 this explains the precautionary measure with the handkerchief。 you wouldnt believe how much kale can stink when its a few years old！ the kitchen smells like a mixture of spoiled plums； rotten eggs and brine。 ugh； just the thought of having to eat that muck makes me want to throw up！ besides that； our potatoes have contracted such strange diseases that one out of every two buckets of pommes de terre winds up in the garbage。 we entertain ourselves by trying to figure out which disease theyve got； and weve reached the conclusion that they suffer from cancer； smallpox and measles。
honestly； being in hiding during the fourth year of the war is no picnic。 if only the whole stinking mess were over！
to tell you the truth； the food wouldnt matter so much to me if life here were more pleasant in other ways。 but thats just it： this tedious existence is starting to make us all disagreeable。 here are the opinions of the five grown…ups on the present situation （children arent allowed to have opinions； and for once im sticking to the rules）：
mrs。 van daan： 〃id stopped wanting to be queen of the kitchen long ago。 but sitting around doing nothing was boring； so i went back to cooking。 still； i cant help plaining： its impossible to cook without oil； and all those disgusting smells make me sick to my stomach。 besides； what do i get in return for my efforts？ ingratitude and rude remarks。 im always the black sheep； i get blamed for everything。 whats more； its my opinion that the war is making very little progress。 the germans will win in the end。 im terrified that were going to starve； and when im in a bad mood； i snap at everyone who es near。鈥�
mr。 van daan： 〃i just smoke and smoke and smoke。 then the food； the political
situation and kerlis moods dont seem so bad。 kerlis a sweetheart。 if i dont have anything to smoke； i get sick； then i need to eat meat； life bees unbearable； nothings good enough； and theres bound to be a flaming row。 my kerlis an idiot。鈥�
mrs。 frank： 〃foods not very important； but id love a slice of rye bread right now； because im so hungry。 if i were mrs。 van daan； id have put a stop to mr。 van daans smoking long ago。 but i desperately need a cigarette now； because my heads in such a whirl。 the van daans are horrible people； the english may make a lot of mistakes； but the war is progressing。 i should keep my mouth shut and be grateful im not in poland。鈥�
mr。 frank： 〃everythings fine； i dont need a thing。 stay calm； weve got plenty of time。 just give me my potatoes； and ill be quiet。 better set aside some of my rations for bep。 the political situation is improving； im extremely optimistic。鈥�
mr。 dussel： 〃i must plete the task ive set for myself； everything must be finished on time。 the political situation is looking gut； its eempossible for us to get caught。
me； me； me 。 。 。 。鈥�
yours； anne
thursday； march 16； 1944
dearest kitty；
whew！ released from the gloom and doom for a few moments！ all ive been hearing today is： 〃if this and that happens； were in trouble； and if so…and…so gets sick； well be left to fend for ourselves； and if 。 。 。鈥�
well； you know the rest； or at any rate i assume youre famthar enough with the residents of the annex to guess what theyd be talking about。
the reason for all the 〃ifs〃 is that mr。 kugler has been called up for a six…day work detail； bep is down with a bad cold and will probably have to stay home tomorrow； miep hasnt gotten over her flu； and mr。 kleimans stom… ach bled so much he lost consciousness。 what a tale of woe！
we think mr。 kugler should go directly to a reliable doctor for a medical certificate of ill health； which he can present to the city hall in hilversum。 the warehouse employees have been given a day off tomorrow； so bep will be alone in the office。 if （theres another 〃if） bep has to stay home； the door will remain locked and well have
to be as quiet as mice so the keg pany wont hear us。 at one oclock jan will e for half an hour to check on us poor forsaken souls； like a zookeeper。
this afternoon； for the first time in ages； jan gave us some news of the outside world。 you should have seen us gathered around him； it looked exactly like a print：
〃at grandmothers knee。鈥�
he regaled his grateful audience with talk of…what else？…food。 mrs。 p。； a friend of mieps； has been cooking his meals。 the day before yesterday jan ate carrots with green peas； yesterday he had the leftovers； today shes cooking marrowfat peas； and tomorrow shes plan… ning to mash the remaining carrots with potatoes。
we asked about mieps doctor。
〃doctor？〃 said jan。 〃what doctor？ i call