°´¼üÅÌÉÏ·½Ïò¼ü ¡û »ò ¡ú ¿É¿ìËÙÉÏÏ·ҳ£¬°´¼üÅÌÉ쵀 Enter ¼ü¿É»Øµ½±¾ÊéĿ¼ҳ£¬°´¼üÅÌÉÏ·½Ïò¼ü ¡ü ¿É»Øµ½±¾Ò³¶¥²¿£¡
¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ªÎ´ÔĶÁÍꣿ¼ÓÈëÊéÇ©ÒѱãÏ´μÌÐøÔĶÁ£¡
though¡¡its¡¡a¡¡nuisance£»¡¡in¡¡a¡¡certain¡¡way¡¡im¡¡always¡¡looking¡¡forward¡¡to¡¡the¡¡time¡¡when¡¡ill¡¡feel¡¡that¡¡secret¡¡inside¡¡me¡¡once¡¡again¡£
sis¡¡heyster¡¡also¡¡writes¡¡that¡¡girls¡¡my¡¡age¡¡feel¡¡very¡¡insecure¡¡about¡¡themselves¡¡and¡¡are¡¡just¡¡beginning¡¡to¡¡discover¡¡that¡¡theyre¡¡individuals¡¡with¡¡their¡¡own¡¡ideas£»¡¡thoughts¡¡and¡¡habits¡£¡¡id¡¡just¡¡turned¡¡thirteen¡¡when¡¡i¡¡came¡¡here£»¡¡so¡¡i¡¡started¡¡thinking¡¡about¡¡myself¡¡and¡¡realized¡¡that¡¡ive¡¡bee¡¡an¡¡¡¨independent¡¡person¡¨¡¡sooner¡¡than¡¡most¡¡girls¡£
sometimes¡¡when¡¡i¡¡lie¡¡in¡¡bed¡¡at¡¡night¡¡i¡¡feel¡¡a¡¡terrible¡¡urge¡¡to¡¡touch¡¡my¡¡breasts¡¡and¡¡listen¡¡to¡¡the¡¡quiet£»¡¡steady¡¡beating¡¡of¡¡my¡¡heart¡£
unconsciously£»¡¡i¡¡had¡¡these¡¡feelings¡¡even¡¡before¡¡i¡¡came¡¡here¡£¡¡once¡¡when¡¡i¡¡was¡¡spending¡¡the¡¡night¡¡at¡¡jacques£»¡¡i¡¡could¡¡no¡¡longer¡¡restrain¡¡my¡¡curiosity¡¡about¡¡her¡¡body£»¡¡which¡¡shed¡¡always¡¡hidden¡¡from¡¡me¡¡and¡¡which¡¡id¡¡never¡¡seen¡£¡¡i¡¡asked¡¡her¡¡whether£»¡¡as¡¡proof¡¡of¡¡our¡¡friendiship£»¡¡we¡¡could¡¡touch¡¡each¡¡others¡¡breasts¡£¡¡jacque¡¡refused¡£
i¡¡also¡¡had¡¡a¡¡terrible¡¡desire¡¡to¡¡kiss¡¡her£»¡¡which¡¡i¡¡did¡£¡¡every¡¡time¡¡i¡¡see¡¡a¡¡female¡¡nude£»¡¡such¡¡as¡¡the¡¡venus¡¡in¡¡my¡¡art¡¡history¡¡book£»¡¡i¡¡go¡¡into¡¡ecstasy¡£¡¡sometimes¡¡i¡¡find¡¡them¡¡so¡¡exquisite¡¡i¡¡have¡¡to¡¡struggle¡¡to¡¡hold¡¡back¡¡my¡¡tears¡£¡¡if¡¡only¡¡i¡¡had¡¡a¡¡girlfriend£¡
thursday£»¡¡january¡¡6£»¡¡1944
dearest¡¡kitty£»
my¡¡longing¡¡for¡¡someone¡¡to¡¡talk¡¡to¡¡has¡¡bee¡¡so¡¡unbearable¡¡that¡¡i¡¡somehow¡¡took¡¡it¡¡into¡¡my¡¡head¡¡to¡¡select¡¡peter¡¡for¡¡this¡¡role¡£¡¡on¡¡the¡¡few¡¡occasions¡¡when¡¡i¡¡have¡¡gone¡¡to¡¡peters¡¡room¡¡during¡¡the¡¡day£»¡¡ive¡¡always¡¡thought¡¡it¡¡was¡¡nice¡¡and¡¡cozy¡£¡¡but¡¡peters¡¡too
polite¡¡to¡¡show¡¡someone¡¡the¡¡door¡¡when¡¡theyre¡¡bothering¡¡him£»¡¡so¡¡ive¡¡never¡¡dared¡¡to¡¡stay¡¡long¡£¡¡ive¡¡always¡¡been¡¡afraid¡¡hed¡¡think¡¡i¡¡was¡¡a¡¡pest¡£¡¡ive¡¡been¡¡looking¡¡for¡¡an¡¡excuse¡¡to¡¡linger¡¡in¡¡his¡¡room¡¡and¡¡get¡¡him¡¡talking¡¡without¡¡his¡¡noticing£»¡¡and¡¡yesterday¡¡i¡¡got¡¡my¡¡chance¡£¡¡peter£»¡¡you¡¡see£»¡¡is¡¡currently¡¡going¡¡through¡¡a¡¡crossword¡puzzle¡¡craze£»¡¡and¡¡he¡¡doesnt¡¡do¡¡anything¡¡else¡¡all¡¡day¡£¡¡i¡¡was¡¡helping¡¡him£»¡¡and¡¡we¡¡soon¡¡wound¡¡up¡¡sitting¡¡across¡¡from¡¡each¡¡other¡¡at¡¡his¡¡table£»¡¡peter¡¡on¡¡the¡¡chair¡¡and¡¡me¡¡on¡¡the¡¡divan¡£
it¡¡gave¡¡me¡¡a¡¡wonderful¡¡feeling¡¡when¡¡i¡¡looked¡¡into¡¡his¡¡dark¡¡blue¡¡eyes¡¡and¡¡saw¡¡how¡¡bashful¡¡my¡¡unexpected¡¡visit¡¡had¡¡made¡¡him¡£¡¡i¡¡could¡¡read¡¡his¡¡innermost¡¡thoughts£»¡¡and¡¡in¡¡his¡¡face¡¡i¡¡saw¡¡a¡¡look¡¡of¡¡helplessness¡¡and¡¡uncertainty¡¡as¡¡to¡¡how¡¡to¡¡behave£»¡¡and¡¡at¡¡the¡¡same¡¡time¡¡a¡¡flicker¡¡of¡¡awareness¡¡of¡¡his¡¡masculinity¡£¡¡i¡¡saw¡¡his¡¡shyness£»¡¡and¡¡i¡¡melted¡£
i¡¡wanted¡¡to¡¡say£»¡¡¡¨tell¡¡me¡¡about¡¡yourself¡£¡¡look¡¡beneath¡¡my¡¡chatty¡¡exterior¡£¡¨¡¡but¡¡i¡¡found¡¡that¡¡it¡¡was¡¡easier¡¡to¡¡think¡¡up¡¡questions¡¡than¡¡to¡¡ask¡¡them¡£
the¡¡evening¡¡came¡¡to¡¡a¡¡close£»¡¡and¡¡nothing¡¡happened£»¡¡except¡¡that¡¡i¡¡told¡¡him¡¡about¡¡the¡¡article¡¡on¡¡blushing¡£¡¡not¡¡what¡¡i¡¡wrote¡¡you£»¡¡of¡¡course£»¡¡just¡¡that¡¡he¡¡would¡¡grow¡¡more¡¡secure¡¡as¡¡he¡¡got¡¡older¡£¡¡â€œ
that¡¡night¡¡i¡¡lay¡¡in¡¡bed¡¡and¡¡cried¡¡my¡¡eyes¡¡out£»¡¡all¡¡the¡¡i¡¡while¡¡making¡¡sure¡¡no¡¡one¡¡could¡¡hear¡¡me¡£¡¡the¡¡idea¡¡that¡¡i¡¡had¡¡to¡¡beg¡¡peter¡¡for¡¡favors¡¡was¡¡simply¡¡revolting¡£¡¡but¡¡people¡¡will¡¡do¡¡almost¡¡anything¡¡to¡¡satisfy¡¡their¡¡longings£»¡¡take¡¡me£»¡¡for¡¡example£»¡¡ive¡¡made¡¡up¡¡my¡¡mind¡¡to¡¡visit¡¡peter¡¡more¡¡often¡¡and£»¡¡somehow£»¡¡get¡¡him¡¡to¡¡talk¡¡to¡¡me¡£
you¡¡mustnt¡¡think¡¡im¡¡in¡¡love¡¡with¡¡peter£»¡¡because¡¡im¡¡not¡£¡¡if¡¡the¡¡van¡¡daans¡¡had¡¡had¡¡a¡¡daughter¡¡instead¡¡of¡¡a¡¡son£»¡¡id¡¡have¡¡tried¡¡to¡¡make¡¡friends¡¡with¡¡her¡£
this¡¡morning¡¡i¡¡woke¡¡up¡¡just¡¡before¡¡seven¡¡and¡¡immediately¡¡remembered¡¡what¡¡id¡¡been¡¡dreaming¡¡about¡£¡¡i¡¡was¡¡sitting¡¡on¡¡a¡¡chair¡¡and¡¡across¡¡from¡¡me¡¡was¡¡peter¡£¡¡¡£¡¡¡£¡¡peter¡¡schiff¡£¡¡we¡¡were¡¡looking¡¡at¡¡a¡¡book¡¡of¡¡drawings¡¡by¡¡mary¡¡bos¡£¡¡the¡¡dream¡¡was¡¡so¡¡vivid¡¡i¡¡can¡¡even¡¡remember¡¡some¡¡of¡¡the¡¡drawings¡£¡¡but¡¡that¡¡wasnt¡¡all¡¡¡¡the¡¡dream¡¡went¡¡on¡£¡¡peters¡¡eyes¡¡suddenly¡¡met¡¡mine£»¡¡and¡¡i¡¡stared¡¡for¡¡a¡¡long¡¡time¡¡into¡¡those¡¡velvety¡¡brown¡¡eyes¡£¡¡then¡¡he¡¡said¡¡very¡¡softly£»¡¡¡¨if¡¡id¡¡only¡¡known£»¡¡id¡¡have¡¡e¡¡to¡¡you¡¡long¡¡ago£¡¡¨¡¡i¡¡turned¡¡abruptly¡¡away£»¡¡overe¡¡by¡¡emotion¡£¡¡and¡¡then¡¡i¡¡felt¡¡a¡¡soft£»¡¡oh¡so¡cool¡¡and¡¡gentle¡¡cheek¡¡against¡¡mine£»¡¡and¡¡it¡¡felt¡¡so¡¡good£»¡¡so¡¡good¡¡¡£¡¡¡£¡¡¡£
at¡¡that¡¡point¡¡i¡¡woke¡¡up£»¡¡still¡¡feeling¡¡his¡¡cheek¡¡against¡¡mine¡¡and¡¡his¡¡brown¡¡eyes¡¡staring¡¡deep¡¡into¡¡my¡¡heart£»¡¡so¡¡deep¡¡that¡¡he¡¡could¡¡read¡¡how¡¡much¡¡id¡¡loved¡¡him¡¡and¡¡how¡¡much¡¡i¡¡still¡¡do¡£¡¡again¡¡my¡¡eyes¡¡filled¡¡with¡¡tears£»¡¡and¡¡i¡¡was¡¡sad¡¡because¡¡id¡¡lost¡¡him¡¡once¡¡more£»¡¡and¡¡yet¡¡at¡¡the¡¡same¡¡time¡¡glad¡¡because¡¡i¡¡knew¡¡with¡¡certainty¡¡that¡¡peter¡¡is¡¡still¡¡the¡¡only¡¡one¡¡for¡¡me¡£¡¡
its¡¡funny£»¡¡but¡¡i¡¡often¡¡have¡¡such¡¡vivid¡¡images¡¡in¡¡my¡¡dreams¡£¡¡one¡¡night¡¡i¡¡saw¡¡grammy*¡¡£§*grammy¡¡is¡¡annes¡¡grandmother¡¡on¡¡her¡¡fathers¡¡side£»¡¡and¡¡grandma¡¡her¡¡grandmother¡¡on¡¡her¡¡mothers¡¡side¡££§¡¡so¡¡clearly¡¡that¡¡i¡¡could¡¡even¡¡make¡¡out¡¡her¡¡skin¡¡of¡¡soft£»¡¡crinkly¡¡velvet¡£¡¡another¡¡time¡¡grandma¡¡appeared¡¡to¡¡me¡¡as¡¡a¡¡guardian¡¡angel¡£¡¡after¡¡that¡¡it¡¡was¡¡hanneli£»¡¡who¡¡still¡¡symbolizes¡¡to¡¡me¡¡the¡¡suffering¡¡of¡¡my¡¡friends¡¡as¡¡well¡¡as¡¡that¡¡of¡¡jews¡¡in¡¡general£»¡¡so¡¡that¡¡when¡¡im¡¡praying¡¡for¡¡her£»¡¡im¡¡also¡¡praying¡¡for¡¡all¡¡the¡¡jews¡¡and¡¡all¡¡those¡¡in¡¡need¡£
and¡¡now¡¡peter£»¡¡my¡¡dearest¡¡peter¡£¡¡ive¡¡never¡¡had¡¡such¡¡a¡¡clear¡¡mental¡¡image¡¡of¡¡him¡£¡¡i¡¡dont¡¡need¡¡a¡¡photograph£»¡¡i¡¡can¡¡see¡¡him¡¡oh¡¡so¡¡well¡£
yours£»¡¡anne¡¡
friday£»¡¡£§anuary¡¡7£»¡¡1944
dearest¡¡kitty£»
im¡¡such¡¡an¡¡idiot¡£¡¡i¡¡forgot¡¡that¡¡i¡¡havent¡¡yet¡¡told¡¡you¡¡the¡¡story¡¡of¡¡my¡¡one¡¡true¡¡love¡£
when¡¡i¡¡was¡¡a¡¡little¡¡girl£»¡¡way¡¡back¡¡in¡¡kindergarten£»¡¡i¡¡took¡¡a¡¡liking¡¡to¡¡sally¡¡kimmel¡£
his¡¡father¡¡was¡¡gone£»¡¡and¡¡he¡¡and¡¡his¡¡mother¡¡lived¡¡with¡¡an¡¡aunt¡£¡¡one¡¡of¡¡sallys¡¡cousins¡¡was¡¡a¡¡good¡looking£»¡¡slender£»¡¡dark¡haired¡¡boy¡¡named¡¡appy£»¡¡who¡¡later¡¡turned¡¡out¡¡to¡¡look¡¡like¡¡a¡¡movie¡¡idol¡¡and¡¡aroused¡¡more¡¡admiration¡¡than¡¡the¡¡short£»¡¡ical£»¡¡chubby¡¡sally¡£¡¡for¡¡a¡¡long¡¡time¡¡we¡¡went¡¡everywhere¡¡together£»¡¡but¡¡aside¡¡from¡¡that£»¡¡my¡¡love¡¡was¡¡unrequited¡¡until¡¡peter¡¡crossed¡¡my¡¡path¡£¡¡i¡¡had¡¡an¡¡out¡and¡out¡¡crush¡¡on¡¡him¡£¡¡he¡¡liked¡¡me¡¡too£»¡¡and¡¡we¡¡were¡¡inseparable¡¡for¡¡one¡¡whole¡¡summer¡£¡¡i¡¡can¡¡still¡¡see¡¡us¡¡walking¡¡hand¡¡in¡¡hand¡¡through¡¡our¡¡neighborhood£»¡¡peter¡¡in¡¡a¡¡white¡¡cotton¡¡suit¡¡and¡¡me¡¡in¡¡a¡¡short¡¡summer¡¡dress¡£¡¡at¡¡the¡¡end¡¡of¡¡the¡¡summer¡¡vacation¡¡he¡¡went¡¡to¡¡the¡¡seventh¡¡grade¡¡at¡¡the¡¡middle¡¡school£»¡¡while¡¡i¡¡was¡¡in¡¡the¡¡sixth¡¡grade¡¡at¡¡the¡¡grammar¡¡school¡£¡¡hed¡¡pick¡¡me¡¡up¡¡on¡¡the¡¡way¡¡home£»¡¡or¡¡id¡¡pick¡¡him¡¡up¡£¡¡peter¡¡was¡¡the¡¡ideal¡¡boy£º¡¡tall£»¡¡good¡looking¡¡and¡¡slender£»¡¡with¡¡a¡¡serious£»¡¡quiet¡¡and¡¡intelligent¡¡face¡£¡¡he¡¡had¡¡dark¡¡hair£»¡¡beautiful¡¡brown¡¡eyes£»¡¡ruddy¡¡cheeks¡¡and¡¡a¡¡nicely¡¡pointed¡¡nose¡£¡¡i¡¡was¡¡crazy¡¡about¡¡his¡¡smile£»¡¡which¡¡made¡¡him¡¡look¡¡so¡¡boyish¡¡and¡¡mischievous¡£
id¡¡gone¡¡away¡¡to¡¡the¡¡countryside¡¡during¡¡summer¡¡vacation£»¡¡and¡¡when¡¡i¡¡came¡¡back£»¡¡peter¡¡was¡¡no¡¡longer¡¡at¡¡his¡¡old¡¡address£»¡¡hed¡¡moved¡¡and¡¡was¡¡living¡¡with¡¡a¡¡much¡¡older¡¡boy£»¡¡who¡¡apparently¡¡told¡¡him¡¡i¡¡was¡¡just¡¡a¡¡kid£»¡¡because¡¡peter¡¡stopped¡¡seeing¡¡me¡£¡¡i¡¡loved¡¡him¡¡so¡¡much¡¡that¡¡i¡¡didnt¡¡want¡¡to¡¡face¡¡the¡¡truth¡£¡¡i¡¡kept¡¡clinging¡¡to¡¡him¡¡until¡¡the¡¡day¡¡i¡¡finally¡¡realized¡¡that¡¡if¡¡i¡¡continued¡¡to¡¡chase¡¡after¡¡him£»¡¡people¡¡would¡¡say¡¡i¡¡was¡¡boy¡crazy¡£
the¡¡years¡¡went¡¡by¡£¡¡peter¡¡hung¡¡around¡¡with¡¡girls¡¡his¡¡own¡¡age¡¡and¡¡no¡¡longer¡¡bothered¡¡to¡¡say¡¡hello¡¡to¡¡me¡£¡¡i¡¡started¡¡school¡¡at¡¡the¡¡jewish¡¡lyceum£»¡¡and¡¡several¡¡boys¡¡in¡¡my¡¡class¡¡were¡¡in¡¡love¡¡with¡¡me¡£¡¡i¡¡enjoyed¡¡it¡¡and¡¡felt¡¡honored¡¡by¡¡their¡¡attentions£»¡¡but¡¡that¡¡was¡¡all¡£¡¡later¡¡on£»¡¡hello¡¡had¡¡a¡¡terrible¡¡crush¡¡on¡¡me£»¡¡but¡¡as¡¡ive¡¡already¡¡told¡¡you£»¡¡i¡¡never¡¡fell¡¡in¡¡love¡¡again¡£
theres¡¡a¡¡saying£º¡¡¡¨time¡¡heals¡¡all¡¡wounds¡£¡¨¡¡thats¡¡how¡¡it¡¡was¡¡with¡¡me¡£¡¡i¡¡told¡¡myself¡¡id¡¡forgotten¡¡peter¡¡and¡¡no¡¡longer¡¡liked¡¡him¡¡in¡¡the¡¡least¡£¡¡but¡¡my¡¡memories¡¡of¡¡him¡¡were¡¡so¡¡strong¡¡that¡¡i¡¡had¡¡to¡¡admit¡¡to¡¡myself¡¡that¡¡the¡¡only¡¡reason¡¡i¡¡no¡¡longer¡¡liked¡¡him¡¡was¡¡that¡¡i¡¡was¡¡jealous¡¡of¡¡the¡¡other¡¡girls¡£¡¡this¡¡morning¡¡i¡¡realized¡¡that¡¡nothing¡¡has¡¡changed£»
on¡¡the¡¡contrary£»¡¡as¡¡ive