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He had gambled whh that ment。 Played his best card。 Or so I thought then。 His words hung in limbo between us； but at least he d known what to say。 I was still searching for the right words； and I was the writer in the room。 Finally； I settled for this：
Maybe Baba was right。
I m sorry you think that； Amir。
I couldn t look at him。 And you don t？
If I did； I would not have asked you to e here。
I toyed with my wedding ring。 You ve always thought too highly of me； Rahim Khan。
And you ve always been far too hard on yourself。 He hesitated。 But there s something else。 Something you don t know。
Please； Rahim Khan……
Sanaubar wasn t Ali s first wife。
Now I looked up。
He was married once before； to a Hazara woman from the Jaghori area。 This was long before you were born。 They were married for three years。
What does this have to do with anything？
She left him childless after three years and married a man in Khost。 She bore him three daughters。 That s what I am trying to tell you。
I began to see where he was going。 But I didn t want to hear the rest of it。 I had a good life in California； pretty Victorian home with a peaked roof； a good marriage； a promising writing career； in…laws who loved me。 I didn t need any of this shit。
Ali was sterile； Rahim Khan said。
No he wasn t。 He and Sanaubar had Hassan； didn t they？ They had Hassan……
No they didn t； Rahim Khan said。
Yes they did！
No they didn t； Amir。
Then who……
I think you know who。
I felt like a man sliding down a steep cliff； clutching at shrubs and tangles of brambles and ing up empty…handed。 The room was swooping up and down； swaying side to side。 Did Hassan know？ I said through lips that didn t feel like my own。 Rahim Khan closed his eyes。 Shook his head。
You bastards； I muttered。 Stood up。 You goddamn bastards！ I screamed。 All of you； you bunch of lying goddamn bastards！
Please sit down； Rahim Khan said。
How could you hide this from me？ From him？ I bellowed。 Please think； Amir Jan。 It was a shameful situation。 People would talk。 All that a man had back then； all that he was； was his honor； his name； and if people talked。。。 We couldn t tell anyone； surely you can see that。 He reached for me； but I shed his hand。 Headed for the door。
Amir jan； please don t leave。
I opened the door and turned to him。 Why？ What can you possibly say to me？ I m thirty…eight years old and I ve Just found out my whole life is one big fucking lie！ What can you possibly say to make things better？ Nothing。 Not a goddamn thing！
And with that； I stormed out of the apartment。
EIGHTEEN
The sun had almost set and left the sky swathed in smothers of purple and red。 I walked down the busy； narrow street that led away from Rahim Khan s building。 The street was a noisy lane in a maze of alleyways choked with pedestrians； bicycles； and rickshaws。 Billboards hung at its corners； advertising Coca…Cola and cigarettes； Hollywood movie posters displayed sultry actresses dancing with handsome； brown…skinned men in fields of marigolds。
I walked into a smoky little samovar house and ordered a cup of tea。 I tilted back on the folding chair s rear legs and rubbed my face。 That feeling of sliding toward a fall was fading。 But in its stead； I felt like a man who awakens in his own house and finds all the furniture rearranged； so that every familiar nook and cranny looks foreign now。 Disoriented； he has to reevaluate his surroundings； reorient himself。
How could I have been so blind？ The signs had been there for me to see all along； they came flying back at me now： Baba hiring Dr。 Kumar to f