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who spoke a moment after in a voice curiously cool； fresh and young；
as coming out of that brown and even dusty interior。
〃Really；〃 answered Inglewood； 〃I'm afraid I've lost touch with
my old friends。 The greatest friend I ever had was at school；
a fellow named Smith。 It's odd you should mention it； because I
was thinking of him to…day； though I haven't seen him for seven
or eight years。 He was on the science side with me at school
a clever fellow though queer； and he went up to Oxford when I
went to Germany。 The fact is； it's rather a sad story。
I often asked him to come and see me； and when I heard nothing I
made inquiries； you know。 I was shocked to learn that poor Smith
had gone off his head。 The accounts were a bit cloudy； of course；
some saying that he had recovered again； but they always say that。
About a year ago I got a telegram from him myself。 The telegram；
I'm sorry to say； put the matter beyond a doubt。〃
〃Quite so；〃 assented Dr。 Warner stolidly； 〃insanity is generally incurable。〃
〃So is sanity；〃 said the Irishman； and studied him with a dreary eye。
〃Symptoms？〃 asked the doctor。 〃What was this telegram？〃
〃It's a shame to joke about such things；〃 said Inglewood； in his honest；
embarrassed way； 〃the telegram was Smith's illness； not Smith。 The actual
words were； ‘Man found alive with two legs。'〃
〃Alive with two legs；〃 repeated Michael； frowning。 〃Perhaps a version
of alive and kicking？ I don't know much about people out of their senses；
but I suppose they ought to be kicking。〃
〃And people in their senses？〃 asked Warner； smiling。
〃Oh； they ought to be kicked；〃 said Michael with sudden heartiness。
〃The message is clearly insane；〃 continued the impenetrable Warner。
〃The best test is a reference to the undeveloped normal type。
Even a baby does not expect to find a man with three legs。〃
〃Three legs；〃 said Michael Moon； 〃would be very convenient in this wind。〃
A fresh eruption of the atmosphere had indeed almost thrown them
off their balance and broken the blackened trees in the garden。
Beyond； all sorts of accidental objects could be seen scouring
the wind…scoured skystraws； sticks； rags； papers； and； in the distance；
a disappearing hat。 Its disappearance； however； was not final；
after an interval of minutes they saw it again； much larger and closer；
like a white panama； towering up into the heavens like a balloon；
staggering to and fro for an instant like a stricken kite；
and then settling in the centre of their own lawn as falteringly
as a fallen leaf。
〃Somebody's lost a good hat；〃 said Dr。 Warner shortly。
Almost as he spoke； another object came over the garden wall；
flying after the fluttering panama。 It was a big green umbrella。
After that came hurtling a huge yellow Gladstone bag；
and after that came a figure like a flying wheel of legs；
as in the shield of the Isle of Man。
But though for a flash it seemed to have five or six legs；
it alighted upon two； like the man in the queer telegram。
It took the form of a large light…haired man in gay green holiday clothes。
He had bright blonde hair that the wind brushed back like a German's；
a flushed eager face like a cherub's； and a prominent pointing nose；
a little like a dog's。 His head； however； was by no means cherubic
in the sense of being without a body。 On the contrary； on his vast
shoulders and shape generally gigantesque； his head looked oddly
and unnaturally small。 This have rise to a scientific theory
（which his conduct fully supported） that he was an idiot。
Inglewood had a politeness instinctive and yet awkward。
His life was full of arrested half gestures of assistance。
And even this prodigy of a big man in green； leaping the wall
like a bright green grasshopper； did not paralyze that small
altruism of his habits in such a matter as a lost hat。
He was stepping forward to recover the green gentleman's
head…gear； when he was struck rigid with a roar like a bull's。
〃Unsportsmanlike！〃 bellowed the big man。 〃Give it fair play；
give it fair play！〃 And he came after his own hat quickly
but cautiously； with burning eyes。 The hat had seemed at first
to droop and dawdle as in ostentatious langour on the sunny lawn；
but the wind again freshening and rising； it went dancing down
the garden with the devilry of a ~pas de quatre~。 The eccentric went
bounding after it with kangaroo leaps and bursts of breathless speech；
of which it was not always easy to pick up the thread：
〃Fair play； fair play。。。 sport of kings。。。 chase their crowns。。。
quite humane。。。 tramontana。。。 cardinals chase red hats。。。 old
English hunting。。。 started a hat in Bramber Combe。。。 hat at bay。。。
mangled hounds。。。 Got him！〃
As the winds rose out of a roar into a shriek； he leapt into the sky
on his strong； fantastic legs； snatched at the vanishing hat；
missed it； and pitched sprawling face foremost on the grass。
The hat rose over him like a bird in triumph。 But its triumph
was premature； for the lunatic； flung forward on his hands；
threw up his boots behind； waved his two legs in the air
like symbolic ensigns （so that they actually thought again
of the telegram）； and actually caught the hat with his feet。
A prolonged and piercing yell of wind split the welkin from end to end。
The eyes of all the men were blinded by the invisible blast；
as by a strange； clear cataract of transparency rushing between
them and all objects about them。 But as the large man fell back
in a sitting posture and solemnly crowned himself with the hat；
Michael found； to his incredulous surprise； that he had been
holding his breath； like a man watching a duel。
While that tall wind was at the top of its sky…scraping energy；
another short cry was heard； beginning very querulous； but ending
very quick； swallowed in abrupt silence。 The shiny black cylinder
of Dr。 Warner's official hat sailed off his head in the long；
smooth parabola of an airship； and in almost cresting a garden
tree was caught in the topmost branches。 Another hat was gone。
Those in that garden felt themselves caught in an unaccustomed eddy
of things happening； no one seemed to know what would blow away next。
Before they could speculate； the cheering and hallooing hat…hunter
was already halfway up the tree； swinging himself from fork to fork
with his strong； bent； grasshopper legs； and still giving forth
his gasping； mysterious comments。
〃Tree of life。。。 Ygdrasil。。。 climb for centuries perhaps。。。 owls nesting
in the hat。。。 remotest generations of owls。。。 still usurpers。。。 gone
to heaven。。。 man in the moon wears it。。。 brigand。。。 not yours。。。 belongs
to depressed medical man。。。 in garden。。。 give it up。。。 give it up！〃
The tree swung and swept and thrashed to and fro in the thundering
wind like a thistle； and flamed in the full sunshine like a bonfire。
The green； fantastic human figure； vivid against its autumn red and gold；
was already among its highest and craziest branches； which by bare luck did
not break with the weight of his big body。 He was up there among the last
tossing leaves and the first twinkling stars of evening； still talking
to himself cheerfully； reasoningly； half apologetically； in little gasps。