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of scentless and delicate dust。 But now that things are moving
a little more； there is something I should really like to know。
I have hung on Dr。 Pym's lips； of course； with an interest that it
were weak to call rapture； but I have so far been unable to form
any conjecture about what the accused； in the present instance；
is supposed to have been and gone and done。〃
〃If Mr。 Moon will have patience；〃 said Pym with dignity； 〃he will find
that this was the very point to which my exposition was di…rected。
Kleptomania； I say； exhibits itself as a kind of physical attraction
to certain defined materials； and it has been held （by no less a man
than Harris） that this is the ultimate explanation of the strict
specialism and vurry narrow professional outlook of most criminals。
One will have an irresistible physical impulsion towards pearl
sleeve…links； while he passes over the most elegant and celebrated
diamond sleeve…links； placed about in the most conspicuous locations。
Another will impede his flight with no less than forty…seven buttoned boots；
while elastic…sided boots leave him cold； and even sarcastic。
The specialism of the criminal； I repeat； is a mark rather of insanity
than of any brightness of business habits； but there is one kind
of depredator to whom this principle is at first sight hard to apply。
I allude to our fellow…citizen the housebreaker。
〃It has been maintained by some of our boldest young
truth…seekers； that the eye of a burglar beyond the back…garden
wall could hardly be caught and hypnotized by a fork
that is insulated in a locked box under the butler's bed。
They have thrown down the gauntlet to American science on this point。
They declare that diamond links are not left about in conspicuous
locations in the haunts of the lower classes； as they were
in the great test experiment of Calypso College。 We hope this
experiment here will be an answer to that young ringing challenge；
and will bring the burglar once more into line and union
with his fellow criminals。〃
Moon； whose face had gone through every phase of black bewilderment
for five minutes past； suddenly lifted his hand and struck the table
in explosive enlightenment。
〃Oh； I see！〃 he cried； 〃you mean that Smith is a burglar。〃
〃I thought I made it quite ad'quately lucid；〃 said Mr。 Pym；
folding up his eyelids。 It was typical of this topsy…turvy private
trial that all the eloquent extras； all the rhetoric or digression
on either side； was exasperating and unintelligible to the other。
Moon could not make head or tail of the solemnity of a new civilization。
Pym could not make head or tail of the gaiety of an old one。
〃All the cases in which Smith has figured as an expropriator；〃
continued the American doctor； 〃are cases of burglary。
Pursuing the same course as in the previous case； we select
the indubitable instance from the rest； and we take the most
correct cast…iron evidence。 I will now call on my colleague；
Mr。 Gould； to read a letter we have received from the earnest；
unspotted Canon of Durham； Canon Hawkins。〃
Mr。 Moses Gould leapt up with his usual alacrity to read the letter from
the earnest and unspotted Hawkins。 Moses Gould could imitate a farmyard well；
Sir Henry Irving not so well； Marie Lloyd to a point of excellence； and the
new motor horns in a manner that put him upon the platform of great artists。
But his imitation of a Canon of Durham was not convincing； indeed； the sense
of the letter was so much obscured by the extraordinary leaps and gasps of his
pronunciation that it is perhaps better to print it here as Moon read it when；
a little later； it was handed across the table。
〃Dear Sir；I can scarcely feel surprise that the incident
you mention； private as it was； should have filtered through
our omnivorous journals to the mere populace； for the position
I have since attained makes me； I conceive； a public character；
and this was certainly the most extraordinary incident
in a not uneventful and perhaps not an unimportant career。
I am by no means without experience in scenes of civil tumult。
I have faced many a political crisis in the old Primrose League
days at Herne Bay； and； before I broke with the wilder set；
have spent many a night at the Christian Social Union。 But this
other experience was quite inconceivable。 I can only describe
it as the letting loose of a place which it is not for me；
as a clergyman； to mention。
〃It occurred in the days when I was； for a short period；
a curate at Hoxton； and the other curate； then my colleague；
induced me to attend a meeting which he described； I must say
profanely described； as calculated to promote the kingdom
of God。 I found； on the contrary； that it consisted entirely
of men in corduroys and greasy clothes whose manners were coarse
and their opinions extreme。
〃Of my colleague in question I wish to speak with the fullest
respect and friendliness； and I will therefore say little。
No one can be more convinced than I of the evil of politic
in the pulpit； and I never offer my congregation any advice
about voting except in cases in which I feel strongly that they
are likely to make an erroneous selection。 But； while I do
not mean to touch at all upon political or social problems；
I must say that for a clergyman to countenance； even in jest；
such discredited nostrums of dissipated demagogues as Socialism
or Radicalism partakes of the character of the betrayal
of a sacred trust。 Far be it from me to say a word against
the Reverend Raymond Percy； the colleague in question。
He was brilliant； I suppose； and to some apparently fascinating；
but a clergyman who talks like a Socialist； wears his hair
like a pianist； and behaves like an intoxicated person；
will never rise in his profession； or even obtain the admiration
of the good and wise。 Nor is it for me to utter my personal
judgements of the appearance of the people in the hall。
Yet a glance round the room； revealing ranks of debased
and envious faces〃
〃Adopting；〃 said Moon explosively； for he was getting restive〃adopting
the reverend gentleman's favourite figure of logic； may I say that
while tortures would not tear from me a whisper about his intellect；
he is a blasted old jackass。〃
〃Really！〃 said Dr。 Pym； 〃I protest。〃
〃You must keep quiet； Michael；〃 said Inglewood； 〃they have a right
to read their story。〃
〃Chair！ Chair！ Chair！〃 cried Gould； rolling about exuberantly in his own；
and Pym glanced for a moment towards the canopy which covered all
the authority of the Court of Beacon。
〃Oh； don't wake the old lady；〃 said Moon； lowering his voice in a moody
good…humour。 〃I apologize。 I won't interrupt again。〃
Before the little eddy of interruption was ended the reading
of the clergyman's letter was already continuing。
〃The proceedings opened with a speech from my colleague； of which I
will say nothing。 It was deplorable。 Many of the audience
were Irish； and showed the weakness of that impetuous people。
When gathered together into gangs and conspiracies they seem
to lose altogether that lovable good…nature and readiness to accept
anything one tells them which distinguishes them as individuals。〃
With a sli