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off the access of jealous hate which my brother had raised in me by
his parting patronage。 Suddenly I interrupted and startled her by
saying； almost fiercely； 〃Bertha； how can you love Alfred？〃
She looked at me with surprise for a moment； but soon her light
smile came again； and she answered sarcastically； 〃Why do you
suppose I love him？〃
〃How can you ask that； Bertha？〃
〃What！ your wisdom thinks I must love the man I'm going to marry？
The most unpleasant thing in the world。 I should quarrel with him；
I should be jealous of him； our menage would be conducted in a very
ill…bred manner。 A little quiet contempt contributes greatly to
the elegance of life。〃
〃Bertha； that is not your real feeling。 Why do you delight in
trying to deceive me by inventing such cynical speeches？〃
〃I need never take the trouble of invention in order to deceive
you； my small Tasso〃 （that was the mocking name she usually gave
me）。 〃The easiest way to deceive a poet is to tell him the truth。〃
She was testing the validity of her epigram in a daring way； and
for a moment the shadow of my visionthe Bertha whose soul was no
secret to mepassed between me and the radiant girl； the playful
sylph whose feelings were a fascinating mystery。 I suppose I must
have shuddered； or betrayed in some other way my momentary chill of
horror。
〃Tasso！〃 she said； seizing my wrist； and peeping round into my
face； 〃are you really beginning to discern what a heartless girl I
am？ Why； you are not half the poet I thought you were； you are
actually capable of believing the truth about me。〃
The shadow passed from between us； and was no longer the object
nearest to me。 The girl whose light fingers grasped me； whose
elfish charming face looked into minewho； I thought； was
betraying an interest in my feelings that she would not have
directly avowed；this warm breathing presence again possessed my
senses and imagination like a returning siren melody which had been
overpowered for an instant by the roar of threatening waves。 It
was a moment as delicious to me as the waking up to a consciousness
of youth after a dream of middle age。 I forgot everything but my
passion； and said with swimming eyes …
〃Bertha； shall you love me when we are first married？ I wouldn't
mind if you really loved me only for a little while。〃
Her look of astonishment； as she loosed my hand and started away
from me； recalled me to a sense of my strange； my criminal
indiscretion。
〃Forgive me；〃 I said； hurriedly； as soon as I could speak again； 〃I
did not know what I was saying。〃
〃Ah； Tasso's mad fit has come on； I see；〃 she answered quietly； for
she had recovered herself sooner than I had。 〃Let him go home and
keep his head cool。 I must go in； for the sun is setting。〃
I left herfull of indignation against myself。 I had let slip
words which； if she reflected on them； might rouse in her a
suspicion of my abnormal mental conditiona suspicion which of all
things I dreaded。 And besides that； I was ashamed of the apparent
baseness I had committed in uttering them to my brother's betrothed
wife。 I wandered home slowly； entering our park through a private
gate instead of by the lodges。 As I approached the house； I saw a
man dashing off at full speed from the stable…yard across the park。
Had any accident happened at home？ No； perhaps it was only one of
my father's peremptory business errands that required this headlong
haste。
Nevertheless I quickened my pace without any distinct motive； and
was soon at the house。 I will not dwell on the scene I found
there。 My brother was deadhad been pitched from his horse； and
killed on the spot by a concussion of the brain。
I went up to the room where he lay； and where my father was seated
beside him with a look of rigid despair。 I had shunned my father
more than any one since our return home； for the radical antipathy
between our natures made my insight into his inner self a constant
affliction to me。 But now； as I went up to him； and stood beside
him in sad silence； I felt the presence of a new element that
blended us as we had never been blent before。 My father had been
one of the most successful men in the money…getting world： he had
had no sentimental sufferings； no illness。 The heaviest trouble
that had befallen him was the death of his first wife。 But he
married my mother soon after； and I remember he seemed exactly the
same； to my keen childish observation； the week after her death as
before。 But now； at last； a sorrow had comethe sorrow of old
age； which suffers the more from the crushing of its pride and its
hopes； in proportion as the pride and hope are narrow and prosaic。
His son was to have been married soonwould probably have stood
for the borough at the next election。 That son's existence was the
best motive that could be alleged for making new purchases of land
every year to round off the estate。 It is a dreary thing onto live
on doing the same things year after year； without knowing why we do
them。 Perhaps the tragedy of disappointed youth and passion is
less piteous than the tragedy of disappointed age and worldliness。
As I saw into the desolation of my father's heart； I felt a
movement of deep pity towards him； which was the beginning of a new
affectionan affection that grew and strengthened in spite of the
strange bitterness with which he regarded me in the first month or
two after my brother's death。 If it had not been for the softening
influence of my compassion for himthe first deep compassion I had
ever feltI should have been stung by the perception that my
father transferred the inheritance of an eldest son to me with a
mortified sense that fate had compelled him to the unwelcome course
of caring for me as an important being。 It was only in spite of
himself that he began to think of me with anxious regard。 There is
hardly any neglected child for whom death has made vacant a more
favoured place； who will not understand what I mean。
Gradually； however； my new deference to his wishes； the effect of
that patience which was born of my pity for him； won upon his
affection； and he began to please himself with the endeavour to
make me fill any brother's place as fully as my feebler personality
would admit。 I saw that the prospect which by and by presented
itself of my becoming Bertha's husband was welcome to him； and he
even contemplated in my case what he had not intended in my
brother'sthat his son and daughter…in…law should make one
household with him。 My softened feelings towards my father made
this the happiest time I had known since childhood；these last
months in which I retained the delicious illusion of loving Bertha；
of longing and doubting and hoping that she might love me。 She
behaved with a certain new consciousness and distance towards me
after my brother's death； and I too was under a double constraint
that of delicacy towards my brother's memory and of anxiety as to
the impression my abrupt words had left on her mind。 But the
additional screen this mutual reserve erected between us only
brought me more completely under her power： no matter how empty
the adytum； so that the veil be thic