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the lifted veil-第12章

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jewels; shone upon by the light of the wax candle which lit up the
medallion of the dying Cleopatra on the mantelpiece。  Why did she
come to me before going out?  I had not seen her in the library;
which was my habitual place for months。  Why did she stand before
me with the candle in her hand; with her cruel contemptuous eyes
fixed on me; and the glittering serpent; like a familiar demon; on
her breast?  For a moment I thought this fulfilment of my vision at
Vienna marked some dreadful crisis in my fate; but I saw nothing in
Bertha's mind; as she stood before me; except scorn for the look of
overwhelming misery with which I sat before her 。 。 。 〃Fool; idiot;
why don't you kill yourself; then?〃that was her thought。  But at
length her thoughts reverted to her errand; and she spoke aloud。
The apparently indifferent nature of the errand seemed to make a
ridiculous anticlimax to my prevision and my agitation。

〃I have had to hire a new maid。  Fletcher is going to be married;
and she wants me to ask you to let her husband have the public…
house and farm at Molton。  I wish him to have it。  You must give
the promise now; because Fletcher is going to…morrow morningand
quickly; because I'm in a hurry。〃

〃Very well; you may promise her;〃 I said; indifferently; and Bertha
swept out of the library again。

I always shrank from the sight of a new person; and all the more
when it was a person whose mental life was likely to weary my
reluctant insight with worldly ignorant trivialities。  But I shrank
especially from the sight of this new maid; because her advent had
been announced to me at a moment to which I could not cease to
attach some fatality:  I had a vague dread that I should find her
mixed up with the dreary drama of my lifethat some new sickening
vision would reveal her to me as an evil genius。  When at last I
did unavoidably meet her; the vague dread was changed into definite
disgust。  She was a tall; wiry; dark…eyed woman; this Mrs。 Archer;
with a face handsome enough to give her coarse hard nature the
odious finish of bold; self…confident coquetry。  That was enough to
make me avoid her; quite apart from the contemptuous feeling with
which she contemplated me。  I seldom saw her; but I perceived that
she rapidly became a favourite with her mistress; and; after the
lapse of eight or nine months; I began to be aware that there had
arisen in Bertha's mind towards this woman a mingled feeling of
fear and dependence; and that this feeling was associated with ill…
defined images of candle…light scenes in her dressing…room; and the
locking…up of something in Bertha's cabinet。  My interviews with my
wife had become so brief and so rarely solitary; that I had no
opportunity of perceiving these images in her mind with more
definiteness。  The recollections of the past become contracted in
the rapidity of thought till they sometimes bear hardly a more
distinct resemblance to the external reality than the forms of an
oriental alphabet to the objects that suggested them。

Besides; for the last year or more a modification had been going
forward in my mental condition; and was growing more and more
marked。  My insight into the minds of those around me was becoming
dimmer and more fitful; and the ideas that crowded my double
consciousness became less and less dependent on any personal
contact。  All that was personal in me seemed to be suffering a
gradual death; so that I was losing the organ through which the
personal agitations and projects of others could affect me。  But
along with this relief from wearisome insight; there was a new
development of what I concludedas I have since found rightlyto
be a provision of external scenes。  It was as if the relation
between me and my fellow…men was more and more deadened; and my
relation to what we call the inanimate was quickened into new life。
The more I lived apart from society; and in proportion as my
wretchedness subsided from the violent throb of agonized passion
into the dulness of habitual pain; the more frequent and vivid
became such visions as that I had had of Pragueof strange cities;
of sandy plains; of gigantic ruins; of midnight skies with strange
bright constellations; of mountain…passes; of grassy nooks flecked
with the afternoon sunshine through the boughs:  I was in the midst
of such scenes; and in all of them one presence seemed to weigh on
me in all these mighty shapesthe presence of something unknown
and pitiless。  For continual suffering had annihilated religious
faith within me:  to the utterly miserablethe unloving and the
unlovedthere is no religion possible; no worship but a worship of
devils。  And beyond all these; and continually recurring; was the
vision of my deaththe pangs; the suffocation; the last struggle;
when life would be grasped at in vain。

Things were in this state near the end of the seventh year。  I had
become entirely free from insight; from my abnormal cognizance of
any other consciousness than my own; and instead of intruding
involuntarily into the world of other minds; was living continually
in my own solitary future。  Bertha was aware that I was greatly
changed。  To my surprise she had of late seemed to seek
opportunities of remaining in my society; and had cultivated that
kind of distant yet familiar talk which is customary between a
husband and wife who live in polite and irrevocable alienation。  I
bore this with languid submission; and without feeling enough
interest in her motives to be roused into keen observation; yet I
could not help perceiving something triumphant and excited in her
carriage and the expression of her facesomething too subtle to
express itself in words or tones; but giving one the idea that she
lived in a state of expectation or hopeful suspense。  My chief
feeling was satisfaction that her inner self was once more shut out
from me; and I almost revelled for the moment in the absent
melancholy that made me answer her at cross purposes; and betray
utter ignorance of what she had been saying。  I remember well the
look and the smile with which she one day said; after a mistake of
this kind on my part:  〃I used to think you were a clairvoyant; and
that was the reason why you were so bitter against other
clairvoyants; wanting to keep your monopoly; but I see now you have
become rather duller than the rest of the world。〃

I said nothing in reply。  It occurred to me that her recent
obtrusion of herself upon me might have been prompted by the wish
to test my power of detecting some of her secrets; but I let the
thought drop again at once:  her motives and her deeds had no
interest for me; and whatever pleasures she might be seeking; I had
no wish to baulk her。  There was still pity in my soul for every
living thing; and Bertha was livingwas surrounded with
possibilities of misery。

Just at this time there occurred an event which roused me somewhat
from my inertia; and gave me an interest in the passing moment that
I had thought impossible for me。  It was a visit from Charles
Meunier; who had written me word that he was coming to England for
relaxation from too strenuous labour; and would like too see me。
Meunier had now a European re
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