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mouth； I could taste the hard candies that the children greedily ate。
224
I； SHEKURE
The last guests of our woeful wedding veiled and covered themselves； put on
their shoes； dragged off their children； who were tossing a last piece of candy
into their mouths； and left us to a perating silence。 We were all in the
courtyard； nothing could be heard but the faint noise of a sparrow gingerly
drinking water from the half…filled well bucket。 This sparrow； whose tiny head
feathers gleamed in the light of the stone hearth； abruptly vanished into the
blackness； and I felt the insistent presence of the corpse in my father’s bed
within our emptied house； now swallowed by night。
“Children；” I said in the cadence Orhan and Shevket recognized as the one I
used to announce something； “e here； the both of you。”
They did so。
“Black is now your father。 Let’s see you kiss his hand。”
They did so； quietly and docilely。 “Since they’ve grown up without a father；
my unfortunate children know nothing of obeying one； of heeding his words
while looking into his eyes； or of trusting in him；” I said to Black。 “Thus； if they
behave disrespectfully； wildly； immaturely or childishly toward you； I know
that you’ll show them tolerance at first； understanding that they’ve been
raised without ever once obeying their father； whom they do not even
remember。”
“I remember my father；” said Shevket。
“Hush…and listen；” I said。 “From now on Black’s word carries more weight
than even my own。” I faced Black。 “If they refuse to listen to you； if they are
disobedient or show even the slightest sign of being rude； spoiled or ill…
mannered； first warn them； but forgive them；” I said； forgoing the mention of
beatings that was on the tip of my tongue。 “Whatever space I occupy in your
heart； they shall share that space； too。”
“I didn’t marry you solely to be your husband；” said Black； “but also to be
father to these dear boys。”
“Did you two hear that？”
“Oh my Lord； I pray you never neglect to shine your light down upon us；”
Hayriye interjected from a corner。 “My dear God； I pray you protect us； my
Lord。”
225
“You two did hear； didn’t you？” I said。 “Good for you； my pretty young
men。 Since your father loves you like this； should you suddenly lose control
and disregard his words； he will have forgiven you for it beforehand。”
“And I’ll forgive them afterward； as well；” said Black。
“However； if you two defy his warning a third time…then； you’ll have
earned the right to a beating；” I said。 “Are we understood？ Your new father；
Black； has e here from the vilest； the worst of battles； from wars that were
the very wrath of God and from which your late father did not return； yes；
he’s a hardened man。 Your grandfather has spoiled you and indulged you。 Your
grandfather is now very ill。”
“I want to go and be with him；” Shevket said。
“If you’re not going to listen； Black will teach you what it means to get a
beating from Hell。 Your grandfather won’t be able to save you from Black the
way he used to protect you from me。 If you don’t want to suffer your father’s
wrath； you’re not to fight anymore； you’re to share everything； tell no lies；
perform your prayers； not go to bed before memorizing your lessons and
you’re not to speak roughly to Hayriye or tease her…Are we understood？”
In one movement； Black crouched down and took Orhan up in his arms。
Shevket kept his distance。 I had the fleeting urge to embrace him and weep。
My poor forlorn and fatherless son； my poor solitary Shevket； you’re so alone
in this immense world。 I thought of myself as a small child； like Shevket； a
child all alone in the world； and remembered how once I’d been held in my
dear father’s arms the way Orhan was now being held by Black。 But unlike
Orhan； I wasn’t awkward in my father’s embrace； like a fruit unaccustomed to
its tree。 I was delighted； I recalled how my father and I would often embrace；
sniffing each other’s skin。 I was on the verge of tears； but restrained myself。
Though I hadn’t planned to say anything of the sort； I said：
“e now； let’s hear you call Black ”Father。“”
The night was so cold and our courtyard was so very silent。 In the distance
dogs were barking and howling pitifully and sorrowfully。 A few more minutes
passed。 The silence bloomed and spread secretly like a black flower。
“All right； children；” I said much later。 “Let’s go inside so we all don’t catch
cold out here。”
It wasn’t only Black and I who felt the timidity of a bride and groom left
alone after the wedding； but Hayriye and the children； all of us； entered our
home hesitantly as though it were the darkened house of a stranger。 We were
226
met with the smell of my father’s corpse； but nobody seemed to be aware of
it。 We silently climbed the stairs； and the shadows cast onto the ceiling by our
oil lamps； as always； spun and merged； now expanding； now shrinking； yet
seemed somehow to be doing so for the first time。 Upstairs； as we were
removing our shoes in the hall； Shevket said：
“Before I go to sleep can I kiss my grandfather’s hand？”
“I checked in on him just now；” Hayriye said。 “Your grandfather is in such
pain and disfort it’s clear that evil spirits have taken hold of him。 The fever
of the illness has consumed him。 Go to your room so I can prepare your bed。”
Hayriye herded them into the room。 As she laid out the mattress and
spread out the sheets and quilts； she was going on as if every object she held
was a marvel unique to the world； and muttering about how sleeping here in a
warm room between clean sheets and under warm down quilts would be like
spending the night in a sultan’s palace。
“Hayriye； tell us a story；” said Orhan as he sat on his chamber pot。
“Once upon a time there was a blue man；” said Hayriye； “and his closest
panion was a jinn。”
“Why was the man blue？” said Orhan。
“For goodness sake； Hayriye；” I said。 “Tonight at least don’t tell a story
about jinns and ghosts。”
“Why shouldn’t she？” said Shevket。 “Mother； after we fall asleep do you
leave the bed and go to be with Grandfather？”
“Your grandfather； Allah protect him； is gravely ill；” I said。 “Of course I go to
his bedside at night to look after him。 Then； I return to our bed； don’t I？”
“Have Hayriye look after Grandfather；” said Shevket。 “Doesn’t Hayriye look
after my grandfather at night anyway？”
“Are you finished？” Hayriye asked of Orhan。 As she wiped Orhan’s behind
with a wet rag； his face was overe with a sweet lethargy。 She glanced into
the pot and wrinkled up her face； not due to the smell； but as if what she saw
wasn’t sufficient。
“Hayriye；” I said。 “Empty the chamber pot and bring it back。 I don’t want
Shevket to leave the room i