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my name is red-我的名字叫红-第5章

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14 
 
intimate that the Prophet himself disliked dogs。 They’re convinced that we’ll 
defile  those  who  have  performed  ritual  ablutions;  and  the  result  of  this 
erroneous and slanderous belief is that we’ve been barred from mosques for 
centuries  and  have  suffered  beatings  in  their  courtyards  from  broomstick…
wielding caretakers。 
Allow me to remind you of “The Cave;” the most beautiful of the Koran’s 
chapters。  I’m  reminding  you  not  because  I  suspect  there  may  be  those  who 
never read the Koran among us in this good coffeehouse; but because I want 
to refresh your memories: This chapter recounts the story of the seven youths 
who grow tired of living among pagans and take refuge in a cave where they 
enter a deep sleep。 Allah then seals their ears and causes them to doze off for 
exactly three hundred and nine years。 When they awake; they learn just how 
many years have passed only after one of them enters the society of men and 
tries to spend an outdated silver coin。 All of them are stunned to learn what 
has  happened。  This  chapter  subtly  describes  man’s  attachment  to  Allah;  His 
miracles;  the  transitory  nature  of  time  and  the  pleasure  of  deep  sleep;  and 
though  it’s  not  my  place;  allow  me  to  remind  you  of  the  eighteenth  verse; 
which  makes  mention  of  a  dog  resting  at  the  mouth  of  this  cave  where  the 
seven youths have fallen asleep。 Obviously; anyone would be proud to appear 
in the Koran。 As a dog; I take pride in this chapter; and through it I intend to 
bring  the  Erzurumis;  who  refer  to  their  enemies  as  dirty  mongrels;  to  their 
senses。 
So then; what’s the actual reason for this animosity toward dogs? Why do 
you  persist  in  saying  that  dogs  are  impure;  and  cleaning  and  purifying  your 
homes from top to bottom if a dog happens to enter? Why do you believe that 
those who touch us spoil their ablutions? If your caftan brushes against our 
damp fur; why do you insist on washing that caftan seven times like a frenzied 
woman? Only tinsmiths could be responsible for the slander that a pot licked 
by a dog must be thrown away or retinned。 Or perhaps; yes; cats… 
When people left their villages for the sedentary life of the city; shepherd 
dogs remained in the provinces; that’s when rumors of the filthiness of dogs 
like  me  began  to  spread。  Yet  before  the  advent  of  Islam;  two  of  the  twelve 
months  of  the  year  were  “months  of  the  dog。”  Now;  however;  a  dog  is 
considered a bad omen。 I don’t want to burden you with my own problems; 
my dear friends who have e to hear a story and ponder its moral—to be 
honest;  my  anger  arises  out  of  the  esteemed  cleric’s  attacks  upon  our 
coffeehouses。 
15 
 
What would you think if I said that this Husret of Erzurum was of dubious 
birth? But they’ve also said of me; “What kind of dog do you think you are? 
You’re attacking the venerable cleric because your master is a picture…hanging 
storyteller who tells tales at a coffeehouse and you want to protect him。 Go 
on; scat!” God forbid; I’m not denigrating anyone。 But I’m a great admirer of 
our coffeehouses。 You know; I have no problem with the fact that my portrait 
was drawn on such cheap paper or that I’m a four…legged beast; but I do regret 
that I can’t sit down like a man and have a cup of coffee with you。 We’d die 
for our coffee and our coffeehouses—what’s this? See; my master is pouring 
coffee  for  me  from  a  small  coffeepot。  A  picture  can’t  drink  coffee;  you  say? 
Please! See for yourselves; this dog is happily lapping away。 
Ah;  yes;  that  hit  the  spot;  it’s  warmed  me  up;  sharpened  my  sight  and 
quickened my thoughts。 Now listen to what I have to tell you: Besides bolts of 
Chinese  silks  and  Chinese  pottery  adorned  with  blue  flowers;  what  did  the 
Veian  Doge  send  to  Nurhayat  Sultan;  the  esteemed  daughter  of  our 
respected Sultan? A soft and cuddly Veian she…dog with a coat of silk and 
sable。 I heard that this bitch is so spoiled she has a red silk dress as well。 One of 
our friends actually fucked her; that’s how I know; and she can’t even engage 
in the act without her dress。 In that Frankish land of hers; all dogs wear outfits 
like  that  anyway。  I’ve  heard  tell  that  over  there  a  so…called  elegant  and  well…
bred Veian woman saw a naked dog—or maybe she saw its thing; I’m not 
sure—anyway;  she  screamed;  “My  dear  God;  the  dog  is  naked!”  and  fainted 
dead away。 
In the lands of the infidel Franks; the so…called Europeans; every dog has an 
owner。 These poor animals are paraded on the streets with chains around their 
necks; they’re fettered like the most miserable of slaves and dragged around in 
isolation。 These Franks force the poor beasts into their homes and even into 
their beds。 Dogs aren’t permitted to walk with one another; let alone sniff and 
frolic together。 In that despicable state; in chains; they can do nothing but gaze 
forlornly at each other from a distance when they pass on the street。 Dogs who 
roam the streets of Istanbul freely in packs and munities; the way we do; 
dogs who threaten people if necessary; who can curl up in a warm corner or 
stretch out in the shade and sleep peacefully; and who can shit wherever they 
want  and  bite  whomever  they  want;  such  dogs  are  beyond  the  infidels’ 
conception。  It’s  not  that  I  haven’t  thought  that  this  might  be  why  the 
followers of the Erzurumi oppose praying for dogs and feeding them meat on 
the streets of Istanbul in exchange for divine favors and even why they oppose 
the establishment of charities that perform such services。 If they intend both 
16 
 
to treat us as enemies and make infidels of us; let me remind them that being 
an enemy to dogs and being an infidel are one and the same。 At the; I hope; 
not  too  distant  executions  of  these  disgraceful  men;  I  pray  our  executioner 
friends  invite  us  to  take  a  bite;  as  they  sometimes  do  to  set  a  deterring 
example。 
Before  I  finish;  let  me  say  this:  My  previous  master  was  a  very  just  man。 
When  we  set  out  at  night  to  thieve;  we’d  cooperate:  I’d  begin  to  bark;  and 
he’d cut the throat of our victim whose screams would be drowned out by my 
barking。 In return for my help; he’d cut up the guilty men that he’d punished; 
boil them and feed them to me。 I don’t like raw meat。 God willing; the would…
be  executioner  of  that  cleric  from  Erzurum  will  take  this  into  account  so  I 
won’t upset my stomach with that scoundrel’s raw flesh。 
 
 
   
17 
 
I WILL BE CALLED A MURDERER 
 
Nay; I wouldn’t have believed I could take anyone’s life; even if I’d been told 
so moments before I murdered that fool; and thus; my offense at times recedes 
from me like a foreign galleon disappearing on the horizon。 Now and again; I 
even  feel  as  if  I  haven’t  mitted  any  crime  at  all。  Four  days  have  passed 
since I was forced to do away with hapless Elegant; who was a brother to me; 
and only now 
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