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infidels。 The young master who is presently staring at me with his beautiful
eyes in our dear coffeehouse was disturbed by these weighty words； his hands
grew impatient； he longed to depict me； yet he had no idea what kind of entity
I was。
The sly and calculating old man who wanted to beguile the young master
caught the scent of the young man’s eagerness。 In the shadowy room； the old
man bore his eyes； which glowed in the light of the idly burning oil lamp； into
the miracle…handed young master。
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“Death； whom the Veians depict in human form； is to us an angel like
Azrael；” he said。 “Yes； in the form of a man。 Just like Gabriel； who appeared as
a person when he delivered the Sacred Word to Our Prophet。 You do
understand； don’t you？”
I realized that the young master； whom Allah had endowed with
astonishing talent； was impatient and wanted to illustrate me； because the
devilish old man had succeeded in arousing him with this devilish idea： What
we essentially want is to draw something unknown to us in all its
shadowiness； not something we know in all its illumination。
“I am not； in the least； familiar with Death；” said the miniaturist。
“We all know Death；” said the old man。
“We fear it； but we don’t know it。”
“Then it falls to you to draw that fear；” said the old man。
He was about to create me just then。 The great master miniaturist’s nape
was tingling； his arm muscles were tensing up and his fingers yearned for a
reed pen。 Yet； because he was the most genuine of great masters； he restrained
himself； knowing that this tension would further deepen the love of painting
in his soul。
The wily old man understood what was happening； and aiming to inspire
the youth in his rendition of me； which he was certain would be pleted
before long； he began to read passages about me from the books before him：
El…Jevziyye’s Book of the Soul； Gazzali’s Book of the Apocalypse and Suyuti。
And so； as the master miniaturist with the miracle touch was making this
portrait； which you now so fearfully behold； he listened to how the Angel of
Death had thousands of wings which spanned Heaven and Earth； from the
farthest point in the East to the farthest point in the West。 He heard how
these wings would be a great fort to the truly faithful yet for sinners and
rebels as painful as a spike through the flesh。 Since a majority of you
miniaturists are bound for Hell； he depicted me laden with spikes。 He listened
to how the angel sent to you by Allah to take your lives would carry a ledger
wherein all your names appeared and how； some of your names would be
circled in black。 Only Allah has knowledge of the exact moment of death：
When this moment arrives； a leaf falls from the tree located beneath His
throne and whoever lays hold of this leaf can read for whom Death has e。
For all these reasons； the miniaturist depicted me as a terrifying being； but
thoughtful； too； like one who understands accounts。 The mad old man
continued to read： when the Angel of Death； who appeared in human form；
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extended his hand and took the soul of the person whose time on Earth had
ended； an all…enpassing light reminiscent of the light of the sun shone； and
thus； the wise miniaturist depicted me bathed in light； for he also knew that
this light wouldn’t be visible to those who had gathered beside the deceased。
The impassioned old man read from the Book of the Soul about ancient grave
robbers who had witnessed； in place of bodies riddled with spikes； only flames
and skulls filled with molten lead。 Hence； the wondrous illustrator； listening
intently to such accounts； depicted me in a manner that would terrify
whoever laid eyes on me。
Later； he regretted what he’d done。 Not due to the terror with which he’d
imbued his picture； but because he dared to make the illustration at all。 As for
me； I feel like someone whose father regards him with embarrassment and
regret。 Why did the miniaturist with the gifted hands regret having illustrated
me？
1。 Because I； the picture of Death； had not been drawn with enough
mastery。 As you can see； I am not as perfect as what the great Veian masters
or the old masters of Herat drew。 I； too； am embarrassed by my wretchedness。
The great master has not depicted me in a style befitting the dignity of Death。
2。 Upon being cunningly duped by the old man； the master illustrator who
drew me found himself； suddenly and unwittingly； imitating the methods and
perspectives of the Frankish virtuosos。 It disturbed his soul because he felt he
was being disrespectful and； he sensed for the first time； oddly dishonorable
toward the old masters。
3。 It must’ve even dawned on him； as it does now on some of the imbeciles
who have tired of me and are smiling： Death is no laughing matter。
The master miniaturist who made me now roams the streets endlessly each
night in fits of regret； like certain Chinese masters； he believes he’s bee
what he has drawn。
142
I AM ESTHER
Ladies from the neighborhoods of Redminaret and Blackcat had ordered
purple and red quilting from the town of Bilejik； so； early in the morning； I
loaded up my makeshift satchel—the large cloth that I’d fill up and tie into a
bundle。 I removed the green Chinese silk that had recently arrived by way of
the Portuguese trader but wasn’t selling； substituting the more alluring blue。
And given the persistent snows of this endless winter； I carefully folded plenty
of colorful socks； thick sashes and heavy vests； all of wool； arranging them in
the center of the bundle： When I spread open my blanket a bouquet of color
would bloom to make even the most indifferent woman’s heart leap。 Next； I
packed some lightweight； but expensive； silk handkerchiefs； money purses and
embroidered washcloths especially for those ladies who called for me not to
make a purchase but to gossip。 I lifted the tote。 My goodness； this is much too
heavy； it’ll break my back。 I put it down and opened it。 As I stared at it； trying
to determine what to leave out； I heard knocking at the door。 Nesim opened it
and called to me。
It was that concubine Hayriye； all flushed and blushing。 She held a letter in
her hand。
“Shekure sent it；” she hissed。 This slave was so flustered that you’d think
she was the one who’d fallen in love and wanted to get married。
With dead seriousness； I grabbed the letter。 I warned the idiot to return
home without being seen by anyone and she left。 Nesim cast a questioning eye
at me。 I took up the larger； yet lighter decoy satchel I carried whenever I was
out delivering my letters。
“Shekure； the daughter of Master Enishte； is burning with love；” I said。
“She’s gone clear out of her mind； the poor girl。”
I cackled and stepped outside； but then was