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my name is red-我的名字叫红-第33章

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while set aside his good etiquette and said quite rudely: 
“Tell her that if we so desire; we’ll force her back here under pressure of the 
judge。” 
“You really want me to say that?” 
Silence。  “Nay;”  he  said。  The  light  from  the  oil  lamp  illuminated  his  face; 
allowing me to see him lower his head like a guilty child。 It’s because I know 
this side of Hasan’s character as well that I have some respect for his feelings 
and deliver his letters。 It’s not only for the money; as you might think。 
I was leaving the house; and he stopped me at the door。 
“Do you let Shekure know how much I love her?” he asked me excitedly and 
foolishly。 
“Don’t you tell her so in your letters?” 
“Tell me how I might convince her and her father? How might I persuade 
them?” 
“By being a good person;” I said and walked to the door。 
“At this age; it’s too late…” he said with sincere anguish。 
“You’ve begun to earn a lot of money; Customs Officer Hasan。 This makes 
one a good person…” I said and fled。 
The house was so dark and melancholy that the air outside seemed warmer。 
The  sunlight  hit  my  face。  I  wished  for  Shekure’s  happiness。  But  I  also  felt 
something for that poor man in that damp; chilly and dark house。 On a whim; 
I  turned  into  the  Spice  Market  in  Laleli  thinking  the  smells  of  cinnamon; 
saffron and pepper would restore my spirits。 I was mistaken。 
At  Shekure’s  house;  after  she  took  up  the  letters;  she  immediately  asked 
after Black。 I told her that the fire of love had mercilessly engulfed his entire 
being。 This news pleased her。 
94 
 
“Even lonely spinsters busy with their knitting are discussing why Elegant 
Effendi might’ve been killed;” I said later; changing the subject。 
“Hayriye; make some halva as a present of condolence and take it over to 
Kalbiye; poor Elegant Effendi’s widow;” said Shekure。 
“All the Erzurumis and quite a crowd of others will be attending his funeral 
service;” I said。 “His relatives swear they’ll avenge his spilt blood。” 
Shekure  had  already  begun  to  read  Black’s  letter。  I  looked  into  her  face 
intently  and  angrily。  This  woman  was  probably  such  a  fox  that  she  could 
control how her passions were reflected in her face。 As she read I sensed that 
my  silence  pleased  her;  that  she  regarded  it  as  my  approval  of  the  special 
import she gave to Black’s letter。 Shekure finished the letter and smiled at me; 
to meet with her satisfaction; I felt forced to ask; “What has he written?” 
“Just as in his childhood…He’s in love with me。” 
“What are your thoughts?” 
“I’m a married woman。 I’m waiting for my husband。” 
Contrary to your expectations; the fact that she’d lie to me after asking me 
to get involved in her affairs didn’t anger me。 Actually; this ment relieved 
me。  If  more  of  the  young  maidens  and  women  I’ve  carried  letters  for  and 
advised in the ways of the world attended to details the way Shekure did; they 
would’ve  lessened  the  work  for  us  both  by  half。  More  importantly;  they 
would’ve ended up in better marriages。 
“What does the other one write?” I asked anyway。 
“I  don’t  intend  to  read  Hasan’s  letter  right  now;”  she  answered。  “Does 
Hasan know that Black’s returned to Istanbul?” 
“He doesn’t even know he exists。” 
“Do  you  speak  with  Hasan?”  she  asked;  opening  wide  her  beautiful  black 
eyes。 
“As you’ve requested。” 
“Yes?” 
“He’s in agony。 He’s deeply in love with you。 Even if your heart belongs to 
another;  it’ll  be  difficult  ever  to  be  free  of  him  now。  By  accepting  his  letters 
you’ve greatly encouraged him。 Be wary of him; however。 For not only does he 
want to make you return there; but by establishing that his older brother has 
95 
 
died;  he’s  preparing  to  marry  you。”  I  smiled  to  soften  the  weight  of  these 
words and so as not to be reduced to being that malcontent’s mouthpiece。 
“What’s  the  other  one  say;  then?”  she  asked;  but  did  she  herself  know 
whom she was inquiring after? 
“The miniaturist?” 
“My  mind’s  all  ajumble;”  she  said  suddenly;  perhaps  afraid  of  her  own 
thoughts。 “It seems that matters will bee even more confused。 My father’s 
growing  older。  What’ll  bee  of  us;  of  these  fatherless  children?  I  sense  an 
evil approaching; that the Devil is preparing some mischief for us。 Esther; tell 
me something that will hearten me。” 
“Don’t  you  fret  in  the  slightest;  my  dearest  Shekure;”  I  said  as  emotion 
welled up within me。 “You’re truly intelligent; you’re very beautiful。 One day 
you’ll sleep in the same bed with your handsome husband; you’ll cuddle with 
him; and having forgotten all your worries; you’ll be happy。 I can read this in 
your eyes。” 
Such affection rose within me that my eyes filled with tears。 
“Fine; but which one will bee my husband?” 
“Isn’t that wise heart of yours giving you an answer?” 
“It’s  because  I  don’t  understand  what  my  heart  is  saying  that  I’m 
dispirited。” 
For a moment it occurred to me that Shekure didn’t trust me at all; that 
she was masterfully concealing her distrust in order to learn what I knew; that 
she  was  trying  to  arouse  my  pity。  When  I  saw  she  wouldn’t  be  writing  a 
response  to  the  letters  at  present;  I  grabbed  my  sack;  entered  the  courtyard 
and slipped away—but not before saying something I told all my maids; even 
those who were cross…eyed: 
“Fear  not;  my  dear;  if  you  keep  those  beautiful  eyes  of  yours  peeled;  no 
misfortune; no misfortune at all will befall you。” 
 
   
96 
 
I; SHEKURE 
 
If truth be told; it used to be that each time Esther the clothier paid a visit; I’d 
fantasize  that  a  man  stricken  with  love  would  finally  be  roused  to  write  a 
letter that could stir the heart of an intelligent woman like myself—beautiful; 
well…bred and widowed; yet with her honor still intact—and set it pounding。 
And to discover that the letter was from one of the usual suitors; would; at the 
very  least;  fortify  my  resolve  and  forbearance  to  await  my  husband’s  return。 
But  these  days;  every  time  Esther  leaves;  I  bee  confused  and  feel  all  the 
more wretched。 
I listened to the sounds of my world。 From the kitchen came the bubbling 
sound  of  boiling  water  and  the  smell  of  lemons  and  onions。  Hayriye  was 
boiling zucchini。 Shevket and Orhan were frolicking and playing “swordsman” 
in the courtyard beneath the pomegranate tree; I heard their shouts。 My father 
was sitting silently in the next room。 I opened and read Hasan’s letter and was 
reassured  that  there  was  no  cause  for  alarm。  Still;  I  grew  a  little  more 
frightened  of  him;  and  congratulated  myself  for  withstanding  his  efforts  to 
make love to me when we shared the same house。 Next; I read Black’s letter; 
holding  it  gently  as  if  it  were  some  delicate  and  sensitive  bird;  and  my 
thoughts  became  muddled。  I  didn’t  read  the  letters
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