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my name is red-我的名字叫红-第17章

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circulate; changing and spreading until it found its way back to me; I’d be the 
first to believe the good news。 
When  the  main  support  of  the  household  vanished;  we  fell  upon  hard 
times。  We  were  living  in  a  rented  house  in  Charsh?kap?  with  my  husband’s 
gentlemanly Abkhazian father; who’d never lived an easy life; and his brother; 
who  had  green  eyes  as  well。  My  father…in…law;  who  left  his  mirror…making 
business after his oldest son made his fortune soldiering; returned to take up 
his  trade  at  a  late  age。  Hasan;  my  husband’s  bachelor  brother;  worked  in 
customs; and as he prospered he made plans to assume the role of “man of 
the house。” One winter; fearing they wouldn’t be able to pay rent; they hastily 
took the slave who saw to the household chores to the slave market and sold 
her; after which they wanted me to do the kitchen work; wash the clothes and 
even go out to the bazaars to do the shopping in her stead。 I didn’t protest by 
saying; “Am I the type of woman to take on such drudgery?” I swallowed my 
pride  and  went  to  work。  But  when  that  brother…in…law  of  mine  Hasan;  now 
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without his slave girl to take into his room at night; began forcing my door; I 
didn’t know what to do。 
Of  course;  I  could’ve  immediately  e  back  here  to  the  home  of  my 
father; but according to the kadi judge my husband was legally alive; and were 
I to anger my in…laws; they might not stop at forcing my children and me back 
to my husband’s home; but humiliate us further by having me and my father; 
who had “detained” me; punished。 To tell the truth; I could’ve loved Hasan; 
whom I found to be more humane and reasonable than my husband; and who 
was  obviously  very  much  in  love  with  me。  But  if  I  were  to  do  this  without 
careful thought; I might find myself; God forbid; his slave instead of his wife。 
In any event; because they were afraid that I would demand my portion of the 
inheritance  and  then  abandon  them  and  return  to  my  father  with  the 
children;  they;  too;  weren’t  eager  for  a  judge’s  decision  proclaiming  my 
husband’s  death。  If;  in  the  eyes  of  the  judge;  my  husband  wasn’t  dead;  I 
naturally  couldn’t  wed  Hasan;  nor  could  I  marry  anyone  else。  Because  this 
dilemma bound me to that house and that marriage; my in…laws preferred my 
having a “missing” husband; and the continuation of this vague situation。 For 
lest you forget; I saw to all their household chores; I did everything from their 
cooking  to  their  laundry;  and  furthermore;  one  of  them  was  madly  in  love 
with me。 
When my father…in…law and Hasan grew dissatisfied with this arrangement 
and  decided  it  was  time  for  me  to  marry  Hasan;  it  was  necessary  first  to 
arrange for the witnesses to convince the judge of my husband’s death。 Thus; 
if my missing husband’s closest kin; his father and brother; accepted his death; 
if  there  was  no  longer  anyone  who  objected  to  declaring  my  husband  dead; 
and if; for the price of a few silver coins; witnesses would testify that they’d 
seen  the  man’s  corpse  in  the  field  of  battle;  the  judge  would  also  oblige。  It 
would be most difficult to convince Hasan once I was declared a widow that I 
wouldn’t leave the household; demand my inheritance rights or ask for money 
to  marry  him;  and  moreover;  that  I’d  marry  him  of  my  own  free  will。 
Naturally; I knew that to gain his trust in this regard; I’d have to sleep with 
him in a very convincing manner so he’d be pletely assured I was giving 
myself to him; not to get his permission to divorce my husband; but because I 
was sincerely in love with him。 
With some effort; I could’ve fallen in love with Hasan。 He was eight years 
younger  than  my  missing  husband;  and  when  my  husband  was  at  home; 
Hasan  was  like  my  little  brother;  and  this  sentiment  endeared  him  to  me。  I 
liked  his  humble  and  passionate  demeanor;  his  pleasure  in  playing  with  my 
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children and even the way he desirously looked at me as though he were dying 
of thirst and I were a glass of cold sour…cherry sherbet。 On the other hand; I 
also knew I’d really have to force myself to fall in love with a man who made 
me wash clothes and didn’t mind my having to wander through markets and 
bazaars  like  a  mon  slave。  During  those  days  when  I’d  go  to  my  father’s 
house and cry endlessly as I stared at the pots; pans; bowls and cups; during 
those  nights  when  the  children  and  I  would  sleep  cuddled  up  together  in 
solidarity; Hasan never gave me cause for a change of heart。 He had no faith 
that  I  could  love  him  or  that  this  essential  and  mandatory  precondition  for 
our  marriage  would  manifest  itself;  and  because  he  had  no  confidence  in 
himself; he acted inappropriately。 He tried to corner me; kiss me and fondle 
me。 He declared that my husband would never return; that he would kill me。 
He threatened me; cried like a baby and in his haste and fluster; never allowed 
time for a true and noble love to be born。 I knew I could never wed him。 
One night; when he tried to force the door of the room where I slept with 
the children; I rose immediately; and without a thought that I might frighten 
them; screamed at the top of my lungs that evil jinns had entered the house。 
This  fit  of  jinn…panic  and  screaming  awakened  my  father…in…law  and  thereby 
exposed Hasan; whose excited violence was still visible; to his father。 Amid my 
ridiculous  howls  and  inane  rantings  about  jinns;  the  staid  old  man  to  his 
embarrassment acknowledged the awful truth: His son was besotted and had 
inappropriately approached his brother’s wife; a mother of two。 My father…in…
law made no reply when I said I wouldn’t sleep a wink till morning; keeping 
watch  at  the  door  to  protect  my  children  against  “the  jinns。”  The  following 
day; I announced that I’d be returning to my father’s home with my children 
for  an  extended  stay  to  care  for  him  in  his  time  of  illness;  thus  did  Hasan 
accept  his  defeat。  I  returned  to  my  father’s  house;  taking  with  me  as 
mementos of my married life the clock with bells plundered from Hungarian 
lands by my husband (who’d never succumbed to the temptation to sell it); 
the  whip  made  from  the  sinews  of  the  most  explosive  of  Arab  steeds;  the 
Tabriz…made ivory chess set whose pieces the children used to play war and the 
silver  candlesticks  (booty  from  the  Battle  of  Nahjivan);  which  I’d  fought  so 
desperately to keep when money was short。 
As  I  expected;  quitting  my  absent  husband’s  house  turned  Hasan’s 
obsessive and disrespectful love into a hopeless inferno。 Knowing full well that 
his  father  wouldn’t  stand  behind  him;  instead  of  threatening  me;  he  sought 
my  pity  by  sending  me  love  letters  in  whose  corners  he  drew  forlorn  birds; 
teary…eyed  lions  and  sad  gazelles。  I  won’t  hide  from  you  the  fact  that  I’ve 
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