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occupation and this division of interests。 … The tie thus loosened
ends by being sundered under the ascendancy of opinion。 〃It looks well
not to live together;〃 to grant each other every species of tolerance;
and to devote oneself to society。 Society; indeed; then fashions
opinion; and through opinion it creates the morals which it requires。
Toward the middle of the century the husband and wife lodged under
the same roof; but that was all。 〃They never saw each other; one never
met them in the same carriage; they are never met in the same house;
nor; with very good reason; are they ever together in public。〃 Strong
emotions would have seemed odd and even 〃ridiculous;〃 in any event
unbecoming; it would have been as unacceptable as an earnest remark
〃aside〃 in the general current of light conversation。 Each has a duty
to all; and for a couple to entertain each other is isolation; in
company there is no right to the tête…à…tête。'29' It was hardly
allowed for a few days to lovers。'30' And even then it was regarded
unfavorably; they were found too much occupied with each other。 Their
preoccupation spread around them an atmosphere of 〃constraint and
ennui; one had to be upon one's guard and to check oneself。〃 They were
〃dreaded。〃 The exigencies of society are those of an absolute king;
and admit of no partition。 〃If morals lost by this; society was
infinitely the gainer;〃 says M。 de Bezenval; a contemporary; 〃having
got rid of the annoyances and dullness caused by the husbands'
presence; the freedom was extreme; the coquetry both of men and women
kept up social vivacity and daily provided piquant adventures。〃 Nobody
is jealous; not even when in love。 〃People are mutually pleased and
become attached; if one grows weary of the other; they part with as
little concern as they came together。 Should the sentiment revive they
take to each other with as much vivacity as if it were the first time
they had been engaged。 They may again separate; but they never
quarrel。 As they have become enamored without love; they part without
hate; deriving from the feeble desire they have inspired the advantage
of being always ready to oblige。〃'31' Appearances; moreover; are
respected。 An uninformed stranger would detect nothing to excite
suspicion。 An extreme curiosity; says Horace Walpole;'32' or a great
familiarity with things; is necessary to detect the slightest intimacy
between the two sexes。 No familiarity is allowed except under the
guise of friendship; while the vocabulary of love is as much
prohibited as its rites apparently are。 Even with Crébillon fils; even
with Laclos; at the most exciting moments; the terms their characters
employ are circumspect and irreproachable。 Whatever indecency there
may be; it is never expressed in words; the sense of propriety in
language imposing itself not only on the outbursts of passion; but
again on the grossness of instincts。 Thus do the sentiments which are
naturally the strongest lose their point and sharpness; their rich and
polished remains are converted into playthings for the drawing room;
and; thus cast to and fro by the whitest hands; fall on the floor like
a shuttlecock。 We must; on this point; listen to the heroes of the
epoch; their free and easy tone is inimitable; and it depicts both
them and their actions。 〃I conducted myself;〃 says the Duc de Lauzun;
〃very prudently; and even deferentially with Mme。 de Lauzun; I knew
Mme。 de Cambis very openly; for whom I concerned myself very little; I
kept the little Eugénie whom I loved a great deal; I played high; I
paid my court to the king; and I hunted with him with great
punctuality。〃'33' He had for others; withal; that indulgence of which
he himself stood in need。 〃He was asked what he would say if his wife
(whom he had not seen for ten years) should write to him that she had
just discovered that she was enceinte。 He reflected a moment and then
replied; 'I would write; and tell her that I was delighted that heaven
had blessed our union; be careful of your health; I will call and pay
my respects this evening。' 〃 There are countless replies of the same
sort; and I venture to say that; without having read them; one could
not imagine to what a degree social art had overcome natural
instincts。
〃Here at Paris;〃 writes Mme。 d'Oberkirk; 〃I am no longer my own
mistress。 I scarcely have time to talk with my husband and to answer
my letters。 I do not know what women do that are accustomed to lead
this life; they certainly have no families to look after; nor children
to educate。〃 At all events they act as if they had none; and the men
likewise。 Married people not living together live but rarely with
their children; and the causes that disintegrate wedlock also
disintegrate the family。 In the first place there is the aristocratic
tradition; which interposes a barrier between parents and children
with a view to maintain a respectful distance。 Although enfeebled and
about to disappear;'34' this tradition still subsists。 The son says 〃
Monsieur〃 to his father; the daughter comes 〃respectfully〃 to kiss her
mother's hand at her toilet。 A caress is rare and seems a favor;
children generally; when with their parents; are silent; the sentiment
that usually animates them being that of deferential timidity。 At one
time they were regarded as so many subjects; and up to a certain point
they are so still; while the new exigencies of worldly life place them
or keep them effectually aside。 M。 de Talleyrand stated that he had
never slept under the same roof with his father and mother。 And if
they do sleep there; they are not the less neglected。 〃I was
entrusted;〃 says the Count de Tilly; 〃to valets; and to a kind of
preceptor resembling these in more respects than one。〃 During this
time his father ran after women。 〃I have known him;〃 adds the young
man; 〃to have mistresses up to an advanced age; he was always adoring
them and constantly abandoning them。〃 The Duc de Lauzun finds it
difficult to obtain a good tutor for his son; for this reason the
latter writes; 〃he conferred the duty on one of my late mother's
lackeys who could read and write tolerably well; and to whom the title
of valet…de…chambre was given to insure greater consideration。 They
gave me the most fashionable teachers besides; but M。 Roch (which was
my mentor's name) was not qualified to arrange their lessons; or to
qualify me to benefit by them。 I was; moreover; like all the children
of my age and of my station; dressed in the handsomest clothes to go
out; and naked and dying with hunger in the house;〃'35' and not
through unkindness; but through household oversight; dissipation; and
disorder; attention being given to things elsewhere。 One might easily
count the fathers who; like the Marshal de Belle…Isle; brought up
their sons under their own eyes; and themselves attended to their
education methodically; strictly; and with tenderness。 As to the
girls; they were place