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〃Dear madame； I have not got them。〃
He did not lie。 If he had had them； he would； no doubt； have
given them； although it is generally disagreeable to do such fine
things： a demand for money being； of all the winds that blow upon
love； the coldest and most destructive。
First she looked at him for some moments。
〃You have not got them！〃 she repeated several times。 〃You have
not got them！ I ought to have spared myself this last shame。 You
never loved me。 You are no better than the others。〃
She was betraying； ruining herself。
Rodolphe interrupted her； declaring he was 〃hard up〃 himself。
〃Ah！ I pity you；〃 said Emma。 〃Yesvery much。〃
And fixing her eyes upon an embossed carabine； that shone against
its panoply； 〃But when one is so poor one doesn't have silver on
the butt of one's gun。 One doesn't buy a clock inlaid with
tortoise shell；〃 she went on； pointing to a buhl timepiece； 〃nor
silver…gilt whistles for one's whips；〃 and she touched them； 〃nor
charms for one's watch。 Oh； he wants for nothing！ even to a
liqueur…stand in his room！ For you love yourself； you live well。
You have a chateau； farms； woods； you go hunting； you travel to
Paris。 Why； if it were but that；〃 she cried； taking up two studs
from the mantelpiece； 〃but the least of these trifles； one can
get money for them。 Oh； I do not want them； keep them！〃
And she threw the two links away from her； their gold chain
breaking as it struck against the wall。
〃But I！ I would have given you everything。 I would have sold all；
worked for you with my hands； I would have begged on the
highroads for a smile； for a look； to hear you say 'Thanks！' And
you sit there quietly in your arm…chair； as if you had not made
me suffer enough already！ But for you； and you know it； I might
have lived happily。 What made you do it？ Was it a bet？ Yet you
loved meyou said so。 And but a moment sinceAh！ it would have
been better to have driven me away。 My hands are hot with your
kisses； and there is the spot on the carpet where at my knees you
swore an eternity of love！ You made me believe you； for two years
you held me in the most magnificent； the sweetest dream！ Eh！ Our
plans for the journey； do you remember？ Oh； your letter！ your
letter！ it tore my heart！ And then when I come back to himto
him； rich； happy； freeto implore the help the first stranger
would give； a suppliant； and bringing back to him all my
tenderness； he repulses me because it would cost him three
thousand francs！〃
〃I haven't got them；〃 replied Rodolphe； with that perfect calm
with which resigned rage covers itself as with a shield。
She went out。 The walls trembled； the ceiling was crushing her；
and she passed back through the long alley； stumbling against the
heaps of dead leaves scattered by the wind。 At last she reached
the ha…ha hedge in front of the gate； she broke her nails against
the lock in her haste to open it。 Then a hundred steps farther
on； breathless； almost falling； she stopped。 And now turning
round； she once more saw the impassive chateau； with the park；
the gardens； the three courts； and all the windows of the facade。
She remained lost in stupor； and having no more consciousness of
herself than through the beating of her arteries； that she seemed
to hear bursting forth like a deafening music filling all the
fields。 The earth beneath her feet was more yielding than the
sea； and the furrows seemed to her immense brown waves breaking
into foam。 Everything in her head； of memories； ideas； went off
at once like a thousand pieces of fireworks。 She saw her father；
Lheureux's closet； their room at home； another landscape。 Madness
was coming upon her； she grew afraid； and managed to recover
herself； in a confused way； it is true； for she did not in the；
least remember the cause of the terrible condition she was in；
that is to say； the question of money。 She suffered only in her
love； and felt her soul passing from her in this memory； as
wounded men； dying； feel their life ebb from their bleeding
wounds。
Night was falling； crows were flying about。
Suddenly it seemed to her that fiery spheres were exploding in
the air like fulminating balls when they strike； and were
whirling； whirling； to melt at last upon the snow between the
branches of the trees。 In the midst of each of them appeared the
face of Rodolphe。 They multiplied and drew near her； penetrating；
her。 It all disappeared； she recognised the lights of the houses
that shone through the fog。
Now her situation； like an abyss； rose up before her。 She was
panting as if her heart would burst。 Then in an ecstasy of
heroism； that made her almost joyous； she ran down the hill；
crossed the cow…plank； the foot…path； the alley； the market； and
reached the chemist's shop。 She was about to enter； but at the
sound of the bell someone might come； and slipping in by the
gate； holding her breath； feeling her way along the walls； she
went as far as the door of the kitchen； where a candle stuck on
the stove was burning。 Justin in his shirt…sleeves was carrying
out a dish。
〃Ah！ they are dining； I will wait。〃
He returned； she tapped at the window。 He went out。
〃The key！ the one for upstairs where he keeps the〃
〃What？〃
And he looked at her； astonished at the pallor of her face； that
stood out white against the black background of the night。 She
seemed to him extraordinarily beautiful and majestic as a
phantom。 Without understanding what she wanted； he had the
presentiment of something terrible。
But she went on quickly in a love voice； in a sweet； melting
voice； 〃I want it； give it to me。〃
As the partition wall was thin； they could hear the clatter of
the forks on the plates in the dining…room。
She pretended that she wanted to kill the rats that kept her from
sleeping。
〃I must tell master。〃
〃No； stay！〃 Then with an indifferent air； 〃Oh； it's not worth
while； I'll tell him presently。 Come； light me upstairs。〃
She entered the corridor into which the laboratory door opened。
Against the wall was a key labelled Capharnaum。
〃Justin！〃 called the druggist impatiently。
〃Let us go up。〃
And he followed her。 The key turned in the lock； and she went
straight to the third shelf； so well did her memory guide her；
seized the blue jar； tore out the cork； plunged in her hand； and
withdrawing it full of a white powder； she began eating it。
〃Stop！〃 he cried； rushing at her。
〃Hush！ someone will come。〃
He was in despair； was calling out。
〃Say nothing； or all the blame will fall on your master。〃
Then she went home； suddenly calmed； and with something of the
serenity of one that had performed a duty。
When Charles； distracted by the news of the distraint； returned
home； Emma had just gone out。 He cried aloud； wept； fainted； but
she did not return。 Where could she be？ He sent Felicite to
Homais； to Monsieur Tuvache； to Lheureux； to the 〃Lion d'Or；〃
everywhere； and in the intervals of his agony he saw his
reputation destroyed； their fortune lost； Berthe's future ruined。
By what？Not a word！ He waited till six in the evening。 At last；
unable to bear it any longer； and fancying she had gone to Rouen；
he set out along the highroad； walked a mile； met no one； again
waited； and returned home。 She had come back。