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head was mirrored in the glass with the white parting in the
middle； and the tip of her ears peeping out from the folds of her
hair。
〃But pardon me！〃 she said。 〃It is wrong of me。 I weary you with
my eternal complaints。〃
〃No； never； never！〃
〃If you knew；〃 she went on； raising to the ceiling her beautiful
eyes； in which a tear was trembling； 〃all that I had dreamed！〃
〃And I！ Oh； I too have suffered！ Often I went out； I went away。 I
dragged myself along the quays； seeking distraction amid the din
of the crowd without being able to banish the heaviness that
weighed upon me。 In an engraver's shop on the boulevard there is
an Italian print of one of the Muses。 She is draped in a tunic；
and she is looking at the moon； with forget…me…nots in her
flowing hair。 Something drove me there continually； I stayed
there hours together。〃 Then in a trembling voice； 〃She resembled
you a little。〃
Madame Bovary turned away her head that he might not see the
irrepressible smile she felt rising to her lips。
〃Often；〃 he went on； 〃I wrote you letters that I tore up。〃
She did not answer。 He continued
〃I sometimes fancied that some chance would bring you。 I thought
I recognised you at street…corners； and I ran after all the
carriages through whose windows I saw a shawl fluttering； a veil
like yours。〃
She seemed resolved to let him go on speaking without
interruption。 Crossing her arms and bending down her face； she
looked at the rosettes on her slippers； and at intervals made
little movements inside the satin of them with her toes。
At last she sighed。
〃But the most wretched thing； is it notis to drag out； as I do；
a useless existence。 If our pains were only of some use to
someone； we should find consolation in the thought of the
sacrifice。〃
He started off in praise of virtue； duty； and silent immolation；
having himself an incredible longing for self…sacrifice that he
could not satisfy。
〃I should much like；〃 she said； 〃to be a nurse at a hospital。〃
〃Alas！ men have none of these holy missions； and I see nowhere
any callingunless perhaps that of a doctor。〃
With a slight shrug of her shoulders； Emma interrupted him to
speak of her illness； which had almost killed her。 What a pity！
She should not be suffering now！ Leon at once envied the calm of
the tomb； and one evening he had even made his will； asking to be
buried in that beautiful rug with velvet stripes he had received
from her。 For this was how they would have wished to be； each
setting up an ideal to which they were now adapting their past
life。 Besides； speech is a rolling…mill that always thins out the
sentiment。
But at this invention of the rug she asked； 〃But why？〃
〃Why？〃 He hesitated。 〃Because I loved you so！〃 And congratulating
himself at having surmounted the difficulty； Leon watched her
face out of the corner of his eyes。
It was like the sky when a gust of wind drives the clouds across。
The mass of sad thoughts that darkened them seemed to be lifted
from her blue eyes； her whole face shone。 He waited。 At last she
replied
〃I always suspected it。〃
Then they went over all the trifling events of that far…off
existence； whose joys and sorrows they had just summed up in one
word。 They recalled the arbour with clematis； the dresses she had
worn； the furniture of her room； the whole of her house。
〃And our poor cactuses； where are they？〃
〃The cold killed them this winter。〃
〃Ah！ how I have thought of them； do you know？ I often saw them
again as of yore； when on the summer mornings the sun beat down
upon your blinds； and I saw your two bare arms passing out
amongst the flowers。〃
〃Poor friend！〃 she said； holding out her hand to him。
Leon swiftly pressed his lips to it。 Then； when he had taken a
deep breath
〃At that time you were to me I know not what incomprehensible
force that took captive my life。 Once； for instance； I went to
see you； but you； no doubt； do not remember it。〃
〃I do；〃 she said； 〃go on。〃
〃You were downstairs in the ante…room； ready to go out； standing
on the last stair； you were wearing a bonnet with small blue
flowers； and without any invitation from you； in spite of myself；
I went with you。 Every moment； however； I grew more and more
conscious of my folly； and I went on walking by you； not daring
to follow you completely； and unwilling to leave you。 When you
went into a shop； I waited in the street； and I watched you
through the window taking off your gloves and counting the change
on the counter。 Then you rang at Madame Tuvache's； you were let
in； and I stood like an idiot in front of the great heavy door
that had closed after you。〃
Madame Bovary； as she listened to him； wondered that she was so
old。 All these things reappearing before her seemed to widen out
her life； it was like some sentimental immensity to which she
returned； and from time to time she said in a low voice； her eyes
half closed
〃Yes； it is truetruetrue！〃
They heard eight strike on the different clocks of the
Beauvoisine quarter； which is full of schools； churches； and
large empty hotels。 They no longer spoke； but they felt as they
looked upon each other a buzzing in their heads； as if something
sonorous had escaped from the fixed eyes of each of them。 They
were hand in hand now； and the past； the future； reminiscences
and dreams； all were confounded in the sweetness of this ecstasy。
Night was darkening over the walls； on which still shone； half
hidden in the shade； the coarse colours of four bills
representing four scenes from the 〃Tour de Nesle；〃 with a motto
in Spanish and French at the bottom。 Through the sash…window a
patch of dark sky was seen between the pointed roofs。
She rose to light two wax…candles on the drawers； then she sat
down again。
〃Well！〃 said Leon。
〃Well！〃 she replied。
He was thinking how to resume the interrupted conversation； when
she said to him
〃How is it that no one until now has ever expressed such
sentiments to me？〃
The clerk said that ideal natures were difficult to understand。
He from the first moment had loved her； and he despaired when he
thought of the happiness that would have been theirs； if thanks
to fortune； meeting her earlier； they had been indissolubly bound
to one another。
〃I have sometimes thought of it；〃 she went on。
〃What a dream！〃 murmured Leon。 And fingering gently the blue
binding of her long white sash； he added； 〃And who prevents us
from beginning now？〃
〃No； my friend；〃 she replied； 〃I am too old； you are too young。
Forget me！ Others will love you； you will love them。〃
〃Not as you！〃 he cried。
〃What a child you are！ Come； let us be sensible。 I wish it。〃
She showed him the impossibility of their love； and that they
must remain； as formerly； on the simple terms of a fraternal
friendship。
Was she speaking thus seriously？ No doubt Emma did not herself
know； quite absorbed as she was by the charm of the seduction；
and the necessity of defending herself from it； and contemplating
the young man with a moved look； she gently repulsed the timid
caresses that his trembling hands attempted。
〃Ah！ forgive me！〃 he cried； drawing back。
Emma was seized with a vague fear at this shyness； more dangerous
to her than the boldness of Rodolphe when he advanced to he