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wind that was blowing。 They did not speak； lost as they were in
the rush of their reverie。 The tenderness of the old days came
back to their hearts； full and silent as the flowing river； with
the softness of the perfume of the syringas； and threw across
their memories shadows more immense and more sombre than those of
the still willows that lengthened out over the grass。 Often some
night…animal； hedgehog or weasel； setting out on the hunt；
disturbed the lovers； or sometimes they heard a ripe peach
falling all alone from the espalier。
〃Ah！ what a lovely night！〃 said Rodolphe。
〃We shall have others；〃 replied Emma； and； as if speaking to
herself： 〃Yet； it will be good to travel。 And yet； why should my
heart be so heavy？ Is it dread of the unknown？ The effect of
habits left？ Or rather？ No； it is the excess of happiness。 How
weak I am； am I not？ Forgive me！〃
〃There is still time！〃 he cried。 〃Reflect！ perhaps you may
repent！〃
〃Never！〃 she cried impetuously。 And coming closer to him： 〃What
ill could come to me？ There is no desert； no precipice； no ocean
I would not traverse with you。 The longer we live together the
more it will be like an embrace； every day closer； more heart to
heart。 There will be nothing to trouble us； no cares； no
obstacle。 We shall be alone； all to ourselves eternally。 Oh；
speak！ Answer me！〃
At regular intervals he answered； 〃YesYes〃 She had passed her
hands through his hair； and she repeated in a childlike voice；
despite the big tears which were falling； 〃Rodolphe！ Rodolphe！
Ah！ Rodolphe！ dear little Rodolphe！〃
Midnight struck。
〃Midnight！〃 said she。 〃Come； it is to…morrow。 One day more！〃
He rose to go； and as if the movement he made had been the signal
for their flight； Emma said； suddenly assuming a gay air
〃You have the passports？〃
〃Yes。〃
〃You are forgetting nothing？〃
〃No。〃
〃Are you sure？〃
〃Certainly。〃
〃It is at the Hotel de Provence； is it not； that you will wait
for me at midday？〃
He nodded。
〃Till to…morrow then！〃 said Emma in a last caress； and she
watched him go。
He did not turn round。 She ran after him； and； leaning over the
water's edge between the bulrushes
〃To…morrow！〃 she cried。
He was already on the other side of the river and walking fast
across the meadow。
After a few moments Rodolphe stopped； and when he saw her with
her white gown gradually fade away in the shade like a ghost； he
was seized with such a beating of the heart that he leant against
a tree lest he should fall。
〃What an imbecile I am！〃 he said with a fearful oath。 〃No matter！
She was a pretty mistress！〃
And immediately Emma's beauty； with all the pleasures of their
love； came back to him。 For a moment he softened； then he
rebelled against her。
〃For； after all；〃 he exclaimed； gesticulating； 〃I can't exile
myselfhave a child on my hands。〃
He was saying these things to give himself firmness。
〃And besides； the worry； the expense！ Ah！ no； no； no； no！ a
thousand times no！ That would be too stupid。〃
Chapter Thirteen
No sooner was Rodolphe at home than he sat down quickly at his
bureau under the stag's head that hung as a trophy on the wall。
But when he had the pen between his fingers； he could think of
nothing； so that； resting on his elbows； he began to reflect。
Emma seemed to him to have receded into a far…off past； as if the
resolution he had taken had suddenly placed a distance between
them。
To get back something of her； he fetched from the cupboard at the
bedside an old Rheims biscuit…box； in which he usually kept his
letters from women； and from it came an odour of dry dust and
withered roses。 First he saw a handkerchief with pale little
spots。 It was a handkerchief of hers。 Once when they were walking
her nose had bled； he had forgotten it。 Near it； chipped at all
the corners； was a miniature given him by Emma： her toilette
seemed to him pretentious； and her languishing look in the worst
possible taste。 Then； from looking at this image and recalling
the memory of its original； Emma's features little by little grew
confused in his remembrance； as if the living and the painted
face； rubbing one against the other； had effaced each other。
Finally； he read some of her letters； they were full of
explanations relating to their journey； short； technical； and
urgent； like business notes。 He wanted to see the long ones
again； those of old times。 In order to find them at the bottom of
the box； Rodolphe disturbed all the others； and mechanically
began rummaging amidst this mass of papers and things； finding
pell…mell bouquets； garters； a black mask； pins； and hairhair！
dark and fair； some even； catching in the hinges of the box；
broke when it was opened。
Thus dallying with his souvenirs； he examined the writing and the
style of the letters； as varied as their orthography。 They were
tender or jovial； facetious； melancholy； there were some that
asked for love； others that asked for money。 A word recalled
faces to him； certain gestures； the sound of a voice； sometimes；
however； he remembered nothing at all。
In fact； these women； rushing at once into his thoughts； cramped
each other and lessened； as reduced to a uniform level of love
that equalised them all。 So taking handfuls of the mixed…up
letters； he amused himself for some moments with letting them
fall in cascades from his right into his left hand。 At last；
bored and weary； Rodolphe took back the box to the cupboard；
saying to himself； 〃What a lot of rubbish！〃 Which summed up his
opinion； for pleasures； like schoolboys in a school courtyard；
had so trampled upon his heart that no green thing grew there；
and that which passed through it； more heedless than children；
did not even； like them； leave a name carved upon the wall。
〃Come；〃 said he； 〃let's begin。〃
He wrote
〃Courage； Emma！ courage！ I would not bring misery into your
life。〃
〃After all； that's true；〃 thought Rodolphe。 〃I am acting in her
interest； I am honest。〃
〃Have you carefully weighed your resolution？ Do you know to what
an abyss I was dragging you； poor angel？ No； you do not； do you？
You were coming confident and fearless； believing in happiness in
the future。 Ah！ unhappy that we areinsensate！〃
Rodolphe stopped here to think of some good excuse。
〃If I told her all my fortune is lost？ No！ Besides； that would
stop nothing。 It would all have to be begun over again later on。
As if one could make women like that listen to reason！〃 He
reflected； then went on
〃I shall not forget you； oh believe it； and I shall ever have a
profound devotion for you； but some day； sooner or later； this
ardour （such is the fate of human things） would have grown less；
no doubt。 Lassitude would have come to us； and who knows if I
should not even have had the atrocious pain of witnessing your
remorse； of sharing it myself； since I should have been its
cause？ The mere idea of the grief that would come to you tortures
me； Emma。 Forget me！ Why did I ever know you？ Why were you so
beautiful？ Is it my fault？ O my God！ No； no！ Accuse only fate。〃
〃That's a word that always tells；〃 he said to himself。
〃Ah； if you had been one of those frivolous women that one sees；
certainly I might； through egotism； have tried an experiment； in
that case wi