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carson mccullers - the heart is a lonely hunter-第41章

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words were formed and spoken with relief。 
The fire had died down。 Singer was playing a game of fools 
with himself at the table。 Jake had been asleep。 He awoke with 
a nervous quiver。 He raised his head and turned to Singer。 
'Yeah;' he said as though in answer to a sudden question。 
'Some of us are Communists。 But not all 
of us。 Myself; I'm not a member of the Communist 
Party。 Because in the first place I never knew but one of them。 
You can bum around for years and not meet Communists。 
Around here there's no office where you can go up and say 
you want to join—and if there is I never heard of it。 And you 
just don't take off for New York and join。 As I say I never 
knew but one—and he was a seedy little teetotaler whose 
breath stunk。 We had a fight。 Not that I hold that against the 
Communists。 The main fact is I don't think so much of Stalin 
and Russia。 I hate every damn country and government there 
is。 But even so maybe I ought to132 

joined up with the Communists first place。 I'm not certain one 
way or the other。 What do you think?' 
Singer wrinkled his forehead and considered。 He reached for 
his silver pencil and wrote on his pad of paper that he didn't 
know。 
'But there's this。 You see; we just can't settle down after 
knowing; but we got to act And some of us go nuts。 There's 
too much to do and you don't know where to start It makes 
you crazy。 Even me—I've done things that when I look back at 


them they don't seem rational Once I started an organization 
myself。 I picked out twenty lint…heads and talked to them until 
I thought they knew。 Our motto was one word: Action。 Huh! 
We meant to start riots—stir up all the big trouble we could。 
Our ultimate goal was freedom—but a real freedom; a great 
freedom made possible only by the sense of justice of the 
human souL Our motto; 〃Action;〃 signified the razing of 
capitalism。 In the constitution (drawn up by myself) certain 
statutes dealt with the swapping of our motto from 〃Action〃 to 
〃Freedom〃 as soon as our work was through。' 
Jake sharpened the end of a match and picked a troublesome 
cavity in a tooth。 After a moment he continued: 
〃Then when the constitution was all written down and the first 
followers well organized—then I went out on a hitch…hiking 
tour to organize component units of the society。 Within three 
months I came back; and what do you reckon I found? What 
was the first heroic action? Had their righteous fury overcome 
planned action so that they had gone ahead without me? Was 
it destruction; murder; revolution?' 
Jake leaned forward in his chair。 After a pause he said 
somberly: 
'My friend; they had stole the fifty…seven dollars and thirty 
cents from the treasury to buy uniform caps and free Saturday 
suppers。 I caught them sitting around the conference table; 
rolling the bones; their caps on their heads; and a ham and a 
gallon of gin in easy reach。' 
A timid smile from Singer followed Jake's outburst of 
laughter。 After a while the smile on Singer's face grew 
strained and faded。 Jake still laughed。 The vein in his forehead 
swelled; his face was dusky red。 He laughed too long。 Singer 
looked up at the clock and indicated the time— 

half…past twelve。 He took his watch; his silver pencil and pad; 
his cigarettes and matches from the mantel and distributed 
them among his pockets。 It was dinner…time。 
But Jake still laughed。 There was something maniacal in the 
sound of his laughter。 He walked about the room; jingling the 
change in his pockets。 His long; powerful arms swung tense 
and awkward。 He began to name over parts of his coming 


meal。 When he spoke of food his face was fierce with gusto。 
With each word he raised his upper lip like a ravenous animal。 
'Roast beef with gravy。 Rice。 And cabbage and light bread。 
And a big hunk of apple pie。 I'm famished。 Oh; Johnny; I can 
hear the Yankees coming。 And speaking of meals; my friend; 
did I ever tell you about Mr。 Clark Patterson; the gentleman 
who owns the Sunny Dixie Show? He's so fat he hasn't seen 
his privates for twenty years; and all day he sits in his trailer 
playing solitaire and smoking reefers。 He orders his meals 
from a short…order joint nearby and every day he breaks his 
fast with' 
Jake stepped back so that Singer could leave the room。 He 
always hung back at doorways when he was with the mute。 He 
always followed and expected Singer to lead。 As they 
descended the stairs he continued to talk with nervous 
volubility。 He kept his brown; wide eyes on Singer's face。 
The afternoon was soft and mild。 They stayed indoors。 Jake 
had brought back with them a quart of whiskey。 He sat 
brooding and silent on the foot of the bed; leaning now and 
then to fill his glass from the bottle on the floor。 Singer was at 
his table by the window playing a game of chess。 Jake had 
relaxed somewhat。 He watched the game of his friend and felt 
the mild; quiet afternoon merge with the darkness of evening。 
The firelight made dark; silent waves on the walls of the room。 
But at night the tension came in him again。 Singer had put 
away his chess men and they sat facing each other。 
Nervousness made Jake's lips twitch raggedly and he drank to 
soothe himself。 A backwash of restlessness and desire 
overcame him。 He drank down the whiskey and began to talk 
again to Singer。 The words swelled with him and gushed from 
his mouth。 He walked from the window to the bed and back 
again—again and again。 And at last the134 

deluge of swollen words took shape and he delivered them to 
the mute with drunken emphasis: 
'The things they have done to us! The truths they have turned 
into lies。 The ideals they have fouled and made vile。 Take 
Jesus。 He was one of us。 He knew。 When He said that it is 
harder for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for 
a rich man to enter the kingdom of God —he damn well meant 


just what he said。 But look what the Church has done to Jesus 
during the last two thousand years。 What they have made of 
him。 How they have turned every word he spoke for their own 
vile ends。 Jesus would be framed and in jail if he was living 
today。 Jesus would be one who really knows。 Me and Jesus 
would sit across the table and I would look at him and he 
would look at me and we would both know that the other 
knew。 Me and Jesus and Karl Marx could all sit at a table 
and…
'And look what has happened to our freedom。 The men who 
fought the American Revolution were no more like these 

D。A。R。 dames than I'm a pot…bellied; perfumed Pekingese dog。 
They meant what they said about freedom。 They fought a real 
revolution。 They fought so that this could be a country where 
every man would be free and equal。 Huh! And that meant 
every man was equal in the sight of Nature—with an equal 
chance。 This didn't mean that twenty per cent of the people 
were free to rob the other eighty per cent of the means to live。 
This didn't mean for one rich man to sweat the piss out of ten 
thousand poor men so that he can get richer。 This didn't mean 
the tyrants were free to get this country in such a fix that 
millions of people are ready to do anythin
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