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coolly of my going out to fight！ 〃What！ send him abroad； across
the horrid； horrid seato be wrecked and perhaps drowned； and only
to land for the purpose of fighting the wicked Frenchmen；to be
wounded； and perhaps kickkickkilled！ Oh； Thomas； Thomas！ would
you murder me and your boy？〃 There was a regular scene。 However；
it endedas it always didin mother's getting the better； and it
was settled that I should go into the militia。 And why not？ The
uniform is just as handsome； and the danger not half so great。 I
don't think in the course of my whole military experience I ever
fought anything； except an old woman； who had the impudence to
hallo out； 〃Heads up； lobster！〃Well； I joined the North Bungays；
and was fairly launched into the world。
I was not a handsome man； I know； but there was SOMETHING about me
that's very evidentfor the girls always laughed when they talked
to me； and the men； though they affected to call me a poor little
creature； squint…eyes； knock…knees； redhead； and so on； were
evidently annoyed by my success； for they hated me so confoundedly。
Even at the present time they go on； though I have given up
gallivanting； as I call it。 But in the April of my existence；
that is； in anno Domini 1791； or soit was a different case； and
having nothing else to do； and being bent upon bettering my
condition； I did some very pretty things in that way。 But I was
not hot…headed and imprudent； like most young fellows。 Don't fancy
I looked for beauty！ Pish！I wasn't such a fool。 Nor for temper；
I don't care about a bad temper： I could break any woman's heart in
two years。 What I wanted was to get on in the world。 Of course I
didn't PREFER an ugly woman； or a shrew； and when the choice
offered； would certainly put up with a handsome； good…humored girl；
with plenty of money； as any honest man would。
Now there were two tolerably rich girls in our parts： Miss Magdalen
Crutty； with twelve thousand pounds （and； to do her justice； as
plain a girl as ever I saw）； and Miss Mary Waters； a fine； tall；
plump； smiling； peach…cheeked； golden…haired； white…skinned lass；
with only ten。 Mary Waters lived with her uncle； the Doctor； who
had helped me into the world； and who was trusted with this little
orphan charge very soon after。 My mother； as you have heard； was
so fond of Bates； and Bates so fond of little Mary； that both； at
first； were almost always in our house； and I used to call her my
little wife as soon as I could speak； and before she could walk
almost。 It was beautiful to see us； the neighbors said。
Well； when her brother； the lieutenant of an India ship； came to be
captain； and actually gave Mary five thousand pounds； when she was
about ten years old； and promised her five thousand more； there was
a great talking； and bobbing； and smiling between the Doctor and my
parents； and Mary and I were left together more than ever； and she
was told to call me her little husband。 And she did； and it was
considered a settled thing from that day。 She was really amazingly
fond of me。
Can any one call me mercenary after that？ Though Miss Crutty had
twelve thousand； and Mary only ten （five in hand； and five in the
bush）； I stuck faithfully to Mary。 As a matter of course； Miss
Crutty hated Miss Waters。 The fact was； Mary had all the country
dangling after her； and not a soul would come to Magdalen； for all
her 12；000L。 I used to be attentive to her though （as it's always
useful to be）； and Mary would sometimes laugh and sometimes cry at
my flirting with Magdalen。 This I thought proper very quickly to
check。 〃Mary；〃 said I； 〃you know that my love for you is
disinterested；for I am faithful to you； though Miss Crutty is
richer than you。 Don't fly into a rage； then； because I pay her
attentions； when you know that my heart and my promise are engaged
to you。〃
The fact is； to tell a little bit of a secret； there is nothing
like the having two strings to your bow。 〃Who knows？〃 thought I。
〃Mary may die； and then where are my 10；000L。？〃 So I used to be
very kind indeed to Miss Crutty； and well it was that I was so： for
when I was twenty and Mary eighteen； I'm blest if news did not
arrive that Captain Waters； who was coming home to England with all
his money in rupees； had been takenship； rupees； self and allby
a French privateer； and Mary； instead of 10；000L。 had only 5；000L。；
making a difference of no less than 350L。 per annum betwixt her and
Miss Crutty。
I had just joined my regiment （the famous North Bungay Fencibles；
Colonel Craw commanding） when this news reached me； and you may
fancy how a young man； in an expensive regiment and mess； having
uniforms and what not to pay for； and a figure to cut in the world；
felt at hearing such news！ 〃My dearest Robert；〃 wrote Miss Waters；
〃will deplore my dear brother's loss： but not； I am sure； the money
which that kind and generous soul had promised me。 I have still
five thousand pounds； and with this and your own little fortune （I
had 1；000L。 in the Five per Cents！） we shall be as happy and
contented as possible。〃
Happy and contented indeed！ Didn't I know how my father got on
with his 300L。 a year； and how it was all he could do out of it to
add a hundred a year to my narrow income； and live himself！ My
mind was made up。 I instantly mounted the coach and flew to our
village；to Mr。 Crutty's； of course。 It was next door to Doctor
Bates's； but I had no business THERE。
I found Magdalen in the garden。 〃Heavens； Mr。 Stubbs！〃 said she；
as in my new uniform I appeared before her； 〃I really did never
such a handsome officerexpect to see you。〃 And she made as if
she would blush； and began to tremble violently。 I led her to a
garden…seat。 I seized her handit was not withdrawn。 I pressed
it；I thought the pressure was returned。 I flung myself on my
knees； and then I poured into her ear a little speech which I had
made on the top of the coach。 〃Divine Miss Crutty；〃 said I； 〃idol
of my soul！ It was but to catch one glimpse of you that I passed
through this garden。 I never intended to breathe the secret
passion〃 （oh； no； of course not） 〃which was wearing my life away。
You know my unfortunate pre…engagementit is broken； and FOR EVER！
I am free；free； but to be your slave；your humblest； fondest；
truest slave！〃 And so on。 。 。 。 。
〃Oh； Mr。 Stubbs；〃 said she； as I imprinted a kiss upon her cheek；
〃I can't refuse you； but I fear you are a sad naughty man。 。 。 。 。〃
Absorbed in the delicious reverie which was caused by the dear
creature's confusion； we were both silent for a while； and should
have remained so for hours perhaps； so lost were we in happiness；
had I not been suddenly roused by a voice exclaiming from behind
us
〃DON'T CRY； MARY！ HE IS A SWINDLING； SNEAKING SCOUNDREL； AND YOU
ARE WELL RID OF HIM！〃
I turned round。 O heaven； there stood Mary； weeping on Doctor
Bates's arm； while that miserable apothecary was lookin