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through it； and came out a beggar。 But fancy the malice of that
wicked Stiffelkind： he appeared in court as my creditor for 3L。；
with sixteen years' interest at five per cent； for a PAIR OF TOP…
BOOTS。 The old thief produced them in court； and told the whole
storyLord Cornwallis； the detection； the pumping and all。
Commissioner Dubobwig was very funny about it。 〃So Doctor
Swishtail would not pay you for the boots； eh； Mr。 Stiffelkind？〃
〃No： he said； ven I asked him for payment； dey was ordered by a
yong boy； and I ought to have gone to his schoolmaster。〃
〃What！ then you came on a BOOTLESS errand； ay； sir？〃 （A laugh。）
〃Bootless！ no sare； I brought de boots back vid me。 How de devil
else could I show dem to you？〃 （Another laugh。）
〃You've never SOLED 'em since； Mr。 Tickleshins？〃
〃I never would sell dem； I svore I never vood； on porpus to be
revenged on dat Stobbs。〃
〃What！ your wound has never been HEALED； eh？〃
〃Vat do you mean vid your bootless errands； and your soling and
healing？ I tell you I have done vat I svore to do： I have exposed
him at school； I have broak off a marriage for him； ven he vould
have had tventy tousand pound； and now I have showed him up in a
court of justice。 Dat is vat I 'ave done； and dat's enough。〃 And
then the old wretch went down； whilst everybody was giggling and
staring at poor meas if I was not miserable enough already。
〃This seems the dearest pair of boots you ever had in your life；
Mr。 Stubbs；〃 said Commissioner Dubobwig very archly； and then he
began to inquire about the rest of my misfortunes。
In the fulness of my heart I told him the whole of them： how Mr。
Solomonson the attorney had introduced me to the rich widow； Mrs。
Manasseh； who had fifty thousand pounds； and an estate in the West
Indies。 How I was married； and arrested on coming to town； and
cast in an action for two thousand pounds brought against me by
this very Solomonson for my wife's debts。
〃Stop！〃 says a lawyer in the court。 〃Is this woman a showy black…
haired woman with one eye？ very often drunk； with three children？
Solomonson； short； with red hair？〃
〃Exactly so；〃 said I； with tears in my eyes。
〃That woman has married THREE MEN within the last two years。 One
in Ireland； and one at Bath。 A Solomonson is； I believe； her
husband； and they both are off for America ten days ago。〃
〃But why did you not keep your 2；000L。？〃 said the lawyer。
〃Sir； they attached it。〃
〃Oh； well； we may pass you。 You have been unlucky； Mr。 Stubbs； but
it seems as if the biter had been bit in this affair。〃
〃No；〃 said Mr。 Dubobwig。 〃Mr。 Stubbs is the victim of a FATAL
ATTACHMENT。〃
NOVEMBER。A GENERAL POST DELIVERY。
I was a free man when I went out of the Court； but I was a beggar
I； Captain Stubbs； of the bold North Bungays； did not know where I
could get a bed； or a dinner。
As I was marching sadly down Portugal Street； I felt a hand on my
shoulder and a rough voice which I knew well。
〃Vell； Mr。 Stobbs； have I not kept my promise？ I told you dem
boots would be your ruin。〃
I was much too miserable to reply； and only cast my eyes towards
the roofs of the houses； which I could not see for the tears。
〃Vat！ you begin to gry and blobber like a shild？ you vood marry；
vood you？ and noting vood do for you but a vife vid monnyha； ha
but you vere de pigeon； and she was de grow。 She has plocked you；
too； pretty velleh？ ha！ ha！〃
〃Oh； Mr。 Stiffelkind；〃 said I； 〃don't laugh at my misery： she has
not left me a single shilling under heaven。 And I shall starve： I
do believe I shall starve。〃 And I began to cry fit to break my
heart。
〃Starf！ stoff and nonsense！ You vill never die of starfingyou
vill die of HANGING； I tinkho！ ho！and it is moch easier vay
too。〃 I didn't say a word； but cried on； till everybody in the
street turned round and stared。
〃Come； come；〃 said Stiffelkind； 〃do not gry； Gaptain Stobbsit is
not goot for a Gaptain to gryha！ ha！ Derecome vid me； and you
shall have a dinner； and a bregfast too；vich shall gost you
nothing； until you can bay vid your earnings。〃
And so this curious old man； who had persecuted me all through my
prosperity； grew compassionate towards me in my ill…luck； and took
me home with him as he promised。 〃I saw your name among de
Insolvents； and I vowed； you know； to make you repent dem boots。
Dere； now； it is done and forgotten； look you。 Here； Betty；
Bettchen； make de spare bed； and put a clean knife and fork； Lort
Cornvallis is come to dine vid me。〃
I lived with this strange old man for six weeks。 I kept his books；
and did what little I could to make myself useful： carrying about
boots and shoes； as if I had never borne his Majesty's commission。
He gave me no money； but he fed and lodged me comfortably。 The men
and boys used to laugh； and call me General； and Lord Cornwallis；
and all sorts of nicknames； and old Stiffelkind made a thousand new
ones for me。
One day I can recollectone miserable day； as I was polishing on
the trees a pair of boots of Mr。 Stiffelkind's manufacturethe old
gentleman came into the shop； with a lady on his arm。
〃Vere is Gaptain Stobbs？〃 said he。 〃Vere is dat ornament to his
Majesty's service？〃
I came in from the back shop； where I was polishing the boots； with
one of them in my hand。
〃Look； my dear；〃 says he； 〃here is an old friend of yours； his
Excellency Lort Cornvallis！Who would have thought such a nobleman
vood turn shoeblack？ Captain Stobbs； here is your former flame； my
dear niece； Miss Grotty。 How could you； Magdalen； ever leaf such a
lof of a man？ Shake hands vid her； Gaptain；dere； never mind de
blacking！〃 But Miss drew back。
〃I never shake hands with a SHOEBLACK；〃 said she； mighty
contemptuous。
〃Bah！ my lof； his fingers von't soil you。 Don't you know he has
just been VITEVASHED？〃
〃I wish； uncle；〃 says she； 〃you would not leave me with such low
people。〃
〃Low； because he cleans boots？ De Gaptain prefers PUMPS to boots I
tinkha！ ha！〃
〃Captain indeed！ a nice Captain；〃 says Miss Crutty； snapping her
fingers in my face； and walking away： 〃a Captain who has had his
nose pulled！ ha！ ha！〃And how could I help it？ it wasn't by my own
CHOICE that that ruffian Waters took such liberties with me。
Didn't I show how averse I was to all quarrels by refusing
altogether his challenge？But such is the world。 And thus the
people at Stiffelkind's used to tease me； until they drove me
almost mad。
At last he came home one day more merry and abusive than ever。
〃Gaptain；〃 says he； 〃I have goot news for youa goot place。 Your
lordship vill not be able to geep your garridge； but you vill be
gomfortable； and serve his Majesty。〃
〃Serve his Majesty？〃 says I。 〃Dearest Mr。 Stiffelkind； have you
got me a place under Government？〃
〃Yes； and somting better stillnot only a place； but a uniform：