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LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
Well； I agree； though your manners are not over and above
pleasant。 Oh I what a huge great gnat！ just look！ It's from
Tricorythus； for sure。
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
A thousand thanks！ the creature was digging a regular well in my
eye； now that it's gone； my tears can flow freely。
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
I will wipe them for you…bad； naughty man though you are。 Now；
just one kiss。
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
A kiss？ certainly not
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
Just one； whether you like it or not。
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Oh！ those confounded women！ how they do cajole us！ How true the
saying： 〃 'Tis impossible to live with the baggages； impossible to
live without 'em！〃 Come； let us agree for the future not to regard
each other any more as enemies； and to clinch the bargain； let us sing
a choric song。
COMBINED CHORUS OF WOMEN AND OLD MEN （singing）
We desire； Athenians； to speak ill of no man； but on the
contrary to say much good of everyone； and to do the like。 We have had
enough of misfortunes and calamities。 If there is any man or woman who
wants a bit of money…two or three minas or so； well； our purse is
full。 If only peace is concluded； the borrower will not have to pay
back。 Also I'm inviting to supper a few Carystian friends； who are
excellently well qualified。 I have still a drop of good soup left； and
a young porker I'm going to kill； and the flesh will be sweet and
tender。 I shall expect you at my house to…day； but first away to the
baths with you； you and your children； then come all of you； ask no
one's leave； but walk straight up； as if you were at home； never fear；
the door will be。。。 shut in your faces！
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Ah！ here come the envoys from Sparta with their long flowing
beards； why； you would think they wore pigstyes between their thighs。
（Enter the LACONIAN ENVOYS afflicted like their herald。） Hail to you；
first of all； Laconians； then tell us how you fare。
LACONIAN ENVOY
No need for many words； you can see what a state we are in。
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Alas！ the situation grows more and more strained！ the intensity of
the thing is simply frightful。
LACONIAN ENVOY
It's beyond belief。 But to work！ summon your Commissioners； and
let us patch up the best peace we may。
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Ah！ our men too； like wrestlers in the arena； cannot endure a
rag over their bellies； it's an athlete's malady； which only
exercise can remedy。
（The MAGISTRATE returns； he too now has an evident reason to
desire peace。）
MAGISTRATE
Can anybody tell us where Lysistrata is？ Surely she will have some
compassion on our condition。
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN （pointing）
Look！ now he has the very same complaint。 （To the MAGISTRATE）
Don't you feel a strong nervous tension in the morning？
MAGISTRATE
Yes； and a dreadful； dreadful torture it is！ Unless peace is
made very soon； we shall find no recourse but to make love to
Clisthenes。
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Take my advice； and arrange your clothes as best you can； one of
the fellows who mutilated the Hermae might see you。
MAGISTRATE
Right； by Zeus。
（He endeavours； not too successfully； to conceal his condition。）
LACONIAN ENVOY
Quite right； by the Dioscuri。 There； I will put on my tunic。
MAGISTRATE
Oh！ what a terrible state we are in！ Greeting to you； Laconian
fellow…sufferers。
LACONIAN ENVOY （addressing one of his countrymen）
Ah！ my boy； what a terrible thing it would have been if these
fellows had seen us just now when we were on full stand！
MAGISTRATE
Speak out； Laconians； what is it brings you here？
LACONIAN ENVOY
We have come to treat for peace。
MAGISTRATE
Well said； we are of the same mind。 Better call Lysistrata；
then； she is the only person will bring us to terms。
LACONIAN ENVOY
Yes； yes…and Lysistratus into the bargain； if you will。
MAGISTRATE
Needless to call her； she has heard your voices； and here she
comes。
（She comes out of the Acropolis。）
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Hail； boldest and bravest of womankind！ The time is come to show
yourself in turn uncompromising and conciliatory； exacting and
yielding； haughty and condescending。 Call up all your skill and
artfulness。 Lo！ the foremost men in Hellas； seduced by your
fascinations； are agreed to entrust you with the task of ending
their quarrels。
LYSISTRATA
It will be an easy task…if only they refrain from mutual
indulgence in masculine love； if they do； I shall know the fact at
once。 Now； where is the gentle goddess Peace？ （The goddess； in the
form of a beautiful nude girl is brought in by the Machine。） Lead
hither the Laconian envoys。 But； look you； no roughness or violence；
our husbands always behaved so boorishly。 Bring them to me with
smiles； as women should。 If any refuse to give you his hand； then take
hold of his tool。 Bring up the Athenians too； you may lead them either
way。 Laconians； approach； and you； Athenians； on my other side。 Now
hearken all！ I am but a woman； but I have good common sense； Nature
has endowed me with discriminating judgment； which I have yet
further developed； thanks to the wise teachings of my father and the
elders of the city。 First I must bring a reproach against you that
applies equally to both sides。 At Olympia； and Thermopylae； and
Delphi； and a score of other places too numerous to mention； you
celebrate before the same altars ceremonies common to all Hellenes；
yet you go cutting each other's throats； and sacking Hellenic
cities； when all the while the barbarian yonder is threatening you！
That is my first point。
MAGISTRATE （devouring the goddess with his eyes）
Good god； this erection is killing me！
LYSISTRATA
Now it is to you I address myself； Laconians。 Have you forgotten
how Periclidas； your own countryman； sat a suppliant before our
altars？ How pale he was in his purple robes！ He had come to crave an
army of us； it was the time when Messenia was pressing you sore； and
the Sea…god was shaking the earth。 Cimon marched to your aid at the
head of four thousand hoplites； and saved Lacedaemon。 And； after
such a service as that； you ravage the soil of your benefactors！
MAGISTRATE
They do wrong； very wrong； Lysistrata。
LACONIAN ENVOY
We do wrong； very wrong。 （Looking at the goddess） Ah！ great
gods！ what a lovely bottom Peace has！
LYSISTRATA
And now a word to the Athenians。 Have you no memory left of how；
in the days when you wore the