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AMPH。 Heaven confound you for talking to me like this！
SOS。 I am not joking； the I whom I have just met has great advantages
over the I who speaks to you。 He has a strong arm and great courage； I
have had proofs of both； this devil of an I has licked me soundly； he is a
fellow who can do wonders。
AMPH。 Let us； cease this。 Have you seen my wife？
SOS。 No。
AMPH。 Why not？
SOS。 For a sufficiently strong reason。
AMPH。 Who hindered you； scoundrel？ Explain yourself。
SOS。 Must I repeat the same thing twenty times？ I； I tell you； this I
who is more robust than I； this I who took possession of the door by force；
this I who made me slope off； this I who wishes to be the only I； this I who
is jealous of myself； this valiant I； whose anger made itself known to this
poltroon of an I； in fact； this I who is at our house； this I who has shown
himself to be my master； this I who has racked me with pain。
AMPH。 His brain must be addled by having had too much to drink this
morning。
SOS。 May I be hanged if I have had anything to drink but water： I take
my oath on it。
AMPH。 Then your senses must have been fast asleep： some silly
dream has shown you all these fairy tales and confused mysteries which
you wish me to take for truths。
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Amphitryon
SOS。 That is just as far away from the truth。 I have not slept； and I do
not even feel inclined that way。 I am speaking to you wide… awake； I was
wide awake this morning； upon my life！ And the other Sosie was also
wide…awake； when he drubbed me so well。
AMPH。 Follow me； I order you to be silent。 You tire my brain too
much； I must be an out…and…out fool to have the patience to listen to the
nonsense a valet has to say。
SOS。 All talk is nonsense that comes from a man who is unknown。 If a
great man were to say it； it would be exquisite language。
AMPH。 Let us go in without waiting any longer。 But here comes
Alcmene clothed in all her charms。 Doubtless she does not expect me so
soon； and my arrival will surprise her。
SCENE II
ALCMENE； CLEANTHIS； AMPHITRYON； SOSIE
ALC。 Come； Cleanthis； let us attend the Gods； pay them our homage
for my husband's sake； and thank them for the glorious success； of which
Thebes； by his arm； reaps the advantage。 O ye Gods！
AMPH。 Heaven grant that victorious Amphitryon may be met with
renewed pleasure by his wife： that this day may be favourable to my
passion； and restore you to me with the same heart： may I again find as
much love as my heart brings to you！
ALC。 Ah！ Have you returned so soon。
AMPH。 Really； you give me but a sorry proof of your love； this； 'Ah！
have you returned so soon？' is scarcely the language a heart really
inflamed with love would use on such an occasion as this。 I dared to flatter
myself I had remained away from you too long。 The expectation of an
ardently longed for return makes each moment seem of great length； the
absence of what we love； however brief it may be； is always too long。
ALC。 I do not see 。 。 。
AMPH。 No； Alcmene； time is measured in such cases by one's
impatience； you count the moments of absence as one who does not love。
When we really love； the slightest separation kills us； the one whom we
love to see never returns too soon。 I confess that the love I bear you has
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Amphitryon
cause to complain of your reception； I expected different expressions of
joy and tenderness from your heart。
ALC。 I cannot understand on what you found the words you have just
uttered； if you complain of me； upon my word I do not know what would
satisfy you。 I think I showed a sufficiently tender joy last night； at your
happy return； my heart responded by every means you could wish to the
claims of your affection。
AMPH。 In what way？
ALC。 Did I not clearly show the sudden transports of a perfect joy？
Could a heart's feelings be better expressed at the return of a husband who
is tenderly loved？
AMPH。 What do you say？
ALC。 That even your affection showed an inconceivable joy at my
reception； and that； as you left me at break of day； I do not see that my
surprise at this sudden return is so guilty。
AMPH。 Did you； in a dream last night； Alcmene； anticipate in idea the
reality of my hastened return； and having； perhaps； treated me kindly in
your sleep； does your heart think it has fully acquitted itself of its duty to
my passion？
ALC。 Has some malignant vapour in your mind； Amphitryon； clouded
the truth of last night's return？ Does your heart pretend to take away from
me the credit of all the gentle affection I showed you in my tender
welcome？
AMPH。 This vapour you attribute to me seems to me somewhat
strange。
ALC。 It is in return for the dream which you attribute to me。
AMPH。 Unless it is because of a dream； what you have just now told
me is entirely inexcusable。
ALC。 Unless it is a vapour which troubles your mind； what I have
heard from you cannot be justified。
AMPH。 Let us leave this vapour for a moment； Alcmene。
ALC。 Let us leave this dream for a moment； Amphitryon。
AMPH。 One cannot jest on the subject in question without being
carried too far。
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ALC。 Undoubtedly； and； as a sure proof of it； I begin to feel somewhat
uneasy。
AMPH。 Is it thus you wish to try to make amends for the welcome of
which I complain？
ALC。 Do you desire to try to amuse yourself by this feint？
AMPH。 For Heaven's； sake； I beseech you； Alcmene！ Let us cease this；
and talk seriously。
ALC。 You carry your amusement too far； Amphitryon： let there be an
end to this raillery。
AMPH。 Do you really dare maintain to my face that I was seen here
before this hour？
ALC。 Have you really the assurance to deny that you came here early
yesterday evening？
AMPH。 I！ I came yesterday？
ALC。 Certainly； and you went away again before dawn。
AMPH。 Heavens！ Was ever such a debate as this heard before？ Who
would not be astonished at all this？ Sosie？
SOS。 She needs six grains of hellebore； Monsieur； her brain is turned。
AMPH。 Alcmene；