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〃You know my aunt;〃 she continued; 〃she was present: and in what light does she consider the affair! Last night; and this morning; Werther; I was compelled to listen to a lecture upon my; acquaintance with you。 I have been obliged to hear you condemned and depreciated; and I could not I dared not say much in your defence。〃
Every word she uttered was a dagger to my heart。 She did not feel what a mercy it would have been to conceal everything from me。 She told me; in addition; all the impertinence that would be further circulated; and how the malicious would triumph; how they would rejoice over the punishment of my pride; over my humiliation for that want of esteem for others with which I had often been reproached。 To hear all this; Wilhelm; uttered by her in a voice of the most sincere sympathy; awakened all my passions; and I am still in a state of extreme excitement。 I wish I could find a man to jeer me about this event。 I would sacrifice him to my resentment。 The sight of his blood might possibly be a relief to my fury。 A hundred times have I seized a dagger; to give ease to this oppressed heart。 Naturalists tell of a noble race of horses that instinctively open a vein with their teeth; when heated and exhausted by a long course; in order to breathe more freely。 I am often tempted to open a vein; to procure for myself everlasting liberty。
MARCH 24。
I have tendered my resignation to the court。 I hope it will be accepted; and you will forgive me for not having previously consulted you。 It is necessary I should leave this place。 I know all you will urge me to stay; and therefore I beg you will soften this news to my mother。 I am unable to do anything for myself: how; then; should I be competent to assist others? It will afflict her that I should have interrupted that career which would have made me first a privy councillor; and then minister; and that I should look behind me; in place of advancing。 Argue as you will; combine all the reasons which should have induced me to remain; I am going: that is sufficient。 But; that you may not be ignorant of my destination; I may mention that the Prince of is here。 He is much pleased with my company; and; having heard of my intention to resign; he has invited me to his country house; to pass the spring months with him。 I shall be left completely my own master; and; as we agree on all subjects but one; I shall try my fortune; and accompany him。
APRIL l9。
Thanks for both your letters。 I delayed my reply; and withheld this letter; till I should obtain an answer from the court。 I feared my mother might apply to the minister to defeat my purpose。 But my request is granted; my resignation is accepted。 I shall not recount with what reluctance it was accorded; nor relate what the minister has written: you would only renew your lamentations。 The crown prince has sent me a present of five and twenty ducats; and; indeed; such goodness has affected me to tears。 For this reason I shall not require from my mother the money for which I lately applied。
MAY 5。
I leave this place to…morrow; and; as my native place is only six miles from the high road; I intend to visit it once more; and recall the happy dreams of my childhood。 I shall enter at the same gate through which I came with my mother; when; after my father's death; she left that delightful retreat to immure herself in your melancholy town。 Adieu; my dear friend: you shall hear of my future career。
MAY 9。
I have paid my visit to my native place with all the devotion of a pilgrim; and have experienced many unexpected emotions。 Near the great elm tree; which is a quarter of a league from the village; I got out of the carriage; and sent it on before; that alone; and on foot; I might enjoy vividly and heartily all the pleasure of my recollections。 I stood there under that same elm which was formerly the term and object of my walks。 How things have since changed! Then; in happy ignorance; I sighed for a world I did not know; where I hoped to find every pleasure and enjoyment which my heart could desire; and now; on my return from that wide world; O my friend; how many disappointed hopes and unsuccessful plans have I brought back!
As I contemplated the mountains which lay stretched out before me; I thought how often they had been the object of my dearest desires。 Here used I to sit for hours together with my eyes bent upon them; ardently longing to wander in the shade of those woods; to lose myself in those valleys; which form so delightful an object in the distance。 With what reluctance did I leave this charming spot; when my hour of recreation was over; and my leave of absence expired! I drew near to the village: all the well…known old summerhouses and gardens were recognised again; I disliked the new ones; and all other alterations which had taken place。 I entered the village; and all my former feelings returned。 I cannot; my dear friend; enter into details; charming as were my sensations: they would be dull in the narration。 I had intended to lodge in the market…place; near our old house。 As soon as I entered; I perceived that the schoolroom; where our childhood had been taught by that good old woman; was converted into a shop。 I called to mind the sorrow; the heaviness; the tears; and oppression of heart; which I experienced in that confinement。 Every step produced some particular impression。 A pilgrim in the Holy Land does not meet so many spots pregnant with tender recollections; and his soul is hardly moved with greater devotion。 One incident will serve for illustration。 I followed the course of a stream to a farm; formerly a delightful walk of mine; and paused at the spot; where; when boys; we used to amuse ourselves making ducks and drakes upon the water。 I recollected so well how I used formerly to watch the course of that same stream; following it with inquiring eagerness; forming romantic ideas of the countries it was to pass through; but my imagination was soon exhausted: while the water continued flowing farther and farther on; till my fancy became bewildered by the contemplation of an invisible distance。 Exactly such; my dear friend; so happy and so confined; were the thoughts of our good ancestors。 Their feelings and their poetry were fresh as childhood。 And; when Ulysses talks of the immeasurable sea and boundless earth; his epithets are true; natural; deeply felt; and mysterious。 Of what importance is it that I have learned; with every schoolboy; that the world is round? Man needs but little earth for enjoyment; and still less for his final repose。
I am at present with the prince at his hunting lodge。 He is a man with whom one can live happily。 He is honest and unaffected。 There are; however; some strange characters about him; whom I cannot at all understand。 They do not seem vicious; and yet they do not carry the appearance of thoroughly honest men。 Sometimes I am disposed to believe them honest; and yet I cannot persuade myself to confide in them。 It grieves me to hear the prince occasionally talk of things which he has only read or heard of; and always with the same view in which they have been represented by others。
He values my understanding and t