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the sorrows of young werther-第11章

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I cannot help esteeming Albert。  The coolness of his temper contrasts strongly with the impetuosity of mine; which I cannot conceal。 He has a great deal of feeling; and is fully sensible of the treasure he possesses in Charlotte。  He is free from ill…humour; which you know is the fault I detest most。

He regards me as a man of sense; and my attachment to Charlotte; and the interest I take in all that concerns her; augment his triumph and his love。  I shall not inquire whether he may not at times tease her with some little jealousies; as I know; that; were I in his place; I should not be entirely free from such sensations。

But; be that as it may; my pleasure with Charlotte is over。  Call it folly or infatuation; what signifies a name?  The thing speaks for itself。  Before Albert came; I knew all that I know now。  I knew I could make no pretensions to her; nor did I offer any; that is; as far as it was possible; in the presence of so much loveliness; not to pant for its enjoyment。  And now; behold me like a silly fellow; staring with astonishment when another comes in; and deprives me of my love。

I bite my lips; and feel infinite scorn for those who tell me to be resigned; because there is no help for it。  Let me escape from the yoke of such silly subterfuges!  I ramble through the woods; and when I return to Charlotte; and find Albert sitting by her side in the summer…house in the garden; I am unable to bear it; behave like a fool; and commit a thousand extravagances。  〃For Heaven's sake;〃 said Charlotte today; 〃let us have no more scenes like those of last night!  You terrify me when you are so violent。〃 Between ourselves; I am always away now when he visits her: and I feel delighted when I find her alone。

AUGUST 8。

Believe me; dear Wilhelm; I did not allude to you when I spoke so severely of those who advise resignation to inevitable fate。  I did not think it possible for you to indulge such a sentiment。 But in fact you are right。  I only suggest one objection。  In this world one is seldom reduced to make a selection between two alternatives。  There are as many varieties of conduct and opinion as there are turns of feature between an aquiline nose and a flat one。

You will; therefore; permit me to concede your entire argument; and yet contrive means to escape your dilemma。

Your position is this; I hear you say: 〃Either you have hopes of obtaining Charlotte; or you have none。 Well; in the first case; pursue your course; and press on to the fulfilment of your wishes。 In the second; be a man; and shake off a miserable passion; which will enervate and destroy you。〃  My dear friend; this is well and easily said。

But would you require a wretched being; whose life is slowly wasting under a lingering disease; to despatch himself at once by the stroke of a dagger?  Does not the very disorder which consumes his strength deprive him of the courage to effect his deliverance?

You may answer me; if you please; with a similar analogy; 〃Who would not prefer the amputation of an arm to the periling of life by doubt and procrastination!〃  But I know not if I am right; and let us leave these comparisons。

Enough!  There are moments; Wilhelm; when I could rise up and shake it all off; and when; if I only knew where to go; I could fly from this place。

THE SAME EVENING。

My diary; which I have for some time neglected; came before me today; and I am amazed to see how deliberately I have entangled myself step by step。  To have seen my position so clearly; and yet to have acted so like a child!  Even still I behold the result plainly; and yet have no thought of acting with greater prudence。

AUGUST lO。

If I were not a fool; I could spend the happiest and most delightful life here。  So many agreeable circumstances; and of a kind to ensure a worthy man's happiness; are seldom united。  Alas!  I feel it too sensibly;  the heart alone makes our happiness!  To be admitted into this most charming family; to be loved by the father as a son; by the children as a father; and by Charlotte!  then the noble Albert; who never disturbs my happiness by any appearance of ill…humour; receiving me with the heartiest affection; and loving me; next to Charlotte; better than all the world!  Wilhelm; you would be delighted to hear us in our rambles; and conversations about Charlotte。  Nothing in the world can be more absurd than our connection; and yet the thought of it often moves me to tears。

He tells me sometimes of her excellent mother; how; upon her death…bed; she had committed her house and children to Charlotte; and had given Charlotte herself in charge to him; how; since that time; a new spirit had taken possession of her; how; in care and anxiety for their welfare; she became a real mother to them; how every moment of her time was devoted to some labour of love in their behalf;  and yet her mirth and cheerfulness had never forsaken her。  I walk by his side; pluck flowers by the way; arrange them carefully into a nosegay; then fling them into the first stream I pass; and watch them as they float gently away。  I forget whether I told you that Albert is to remain here。  He has received a government appointment; with a very good salary; and I understand he is in high favour at court。  I have met few persons so punctual and methodical in business。    AUGUST 12。

Certainly Albert is the best fellow in the world。  I had a strange scene with him yesterday。  I went to take leave of him; for I took it into my head to spend a few days in these mountains; from where I now write to you。  As I was walking up and down his room; my eye fell upon his pistols。 〃Lend me those pistols;〃 said I; 〃for my journey。〃  〃By all means;〃 he replied; 〃if you will take the trouble to load them; for they only hang there for form。〃  I took down one of them; and he continued; 〃Ever since I was near suffering for my extreme caution; I will have nothing to do with such things。〃  I was curious to hear the story。  〃I was staying;〃 said he; 〃some three months ago; at a friend's house in the country。 I had a brace of pistols with me; unloaded; and I slept without any anxiety。  One rainy afternoon I was sitting by myself; doing nothing; when it occurred to me I do not know how that the house might be attacked; that we might require the pistols; that we might in short; you know how we go on fancying; when we have nothing better to do。  I gave the pistols to the servant; to clean and load。  He was playing with the maid; and trying to frighten her; when the pistol went off  God knows how!  the ramrod was in the barrel; and it went straight through her right hand; and shattered the thumb。  I had to endure all the lamentation; and to pay the surgeon's bill; so; since that time; I have kept all my weapons unloaded。  But; my dear friend; what is the use of prudence? We can never be on our guard against all possible dangers。  However;〃  now; you must know I can tolerate all men till they come to 〃however;〃  for it is self…evident that every universal rule must have its exceptions。  But he is so exceedingly accurate; that; if he only fancies he has said a word too precipitate; or too general; or only half true; he never ceases to qualify; to modify; and extenuate; till at l
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