按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
hard sticks； with a certain contempt for those who preferred the soft；
veneered article； and I mixed and quaffed countless fizzy drinks without
dread of any prohibitionist。 Finally； I swaggered into the park； paraded
all my soldiers on the terrace； and； bidding them take the time from me；
gave the order to fire off all the guns。
30
… Page 31…
DREAM DAYS
THE MAGIC RING
Grown…up people really ought to be more careful。 Among
themselves it may seem but a small thing to give their word and take back
their word。 For them there are so many compensations。 Life lies at
their feet； a party…coloured india…rubber ball； they may kick it this way or
kick it that； it turns up blue； yellow； or green； but always coloured and
glistening。 Thus one sees it happen almost every day； and； with a jest and
a laugh； the thing is over； and the disappointed one turns to fresh pleasure；
lying ready to his hand。 But with those who are below them； whose little
globe is swayed by them； who rush to build star…pointing alhambras on
their most casual word； they really ought to be more careful。
In this case of the circus； for instance； it was not as if we had led up to
the subject。 It was they who began it entirely prompted thereto by the
local newspaper。 〃What； a circus！〃 said they； in their irritating； casual
way： 〃that would be nice to take the children to。 Wednesday would be a
good day。 Suppose we go on Wednesday。 Oh； and pleats are being
worn again； with rows of deep braid；〃 etc。
What the others thought I know not； what they said； if they said
anything； I did not comprehend。 For me the house was bursting； walls
seemed to cramp and to stifle； the roof was jumping and lifting。 Escape
was the imperative thingto escape into the open air； to shake off bricks
and mortar； and to wander in the unfrequented places of the earth； the
more properly to take in the passion and the promise of the giddy
situation。
Nature seemed prim and staid that day and the globe gave no hint that
it was flying round a circus ring of its own。 Could they really be true； I
wondered； all those bewildering things I had heard tell of circuses？ Did
long…tailed ponies really walk on their hind…legs and fire off pistols？ Was
it humanly possible for clowns to perform one…half of the bewitching
drolleries recorded in history？ And how； oh； how dare I venture to
believe that； from off the backs of creamy Arab steeds； ladies of more than
earthly beauty discharged themselves through paper hoops？ No； it was
31
… Page 32…
DREAM DAYS
not altogether possible； there must have been some exaggeration。 Still； I
would be content with very little； I would take a low percentagea very
small proportion of the circus myth would more than satisfy me。 But
again； even supposing that history were； once in a way； no liar； could it be
that I myself was really fated to look upon this thing in the flesh and to
live through it； to survive the rapture？ No； it was altogether too much。
Something was bound to happen； one of us would develop measles； the
world would blow up with a loud explosion。 I must not dare； I must not
presume； to entertain the smallest hope。 I must endeavour sternly to
think of something else。
Needless to say； I thought； I dreamed of nothing else； day or night。
Waking； I walked arm…in…arm with a clown； and cracked a portentous whip
to the brave music of a band。 Sleeping； I pursuedperched astride of a
coal…black horsea princess all gauze and spangles； who always managed
to keep just one unattainable length ahead。 In the early morning Harold
and I； once fully awake； cross…examined each other as to the possibilities
of this or that circus tradition； and exhausted the lore long ere the first
housemaid was stirring。 In this state of exaltation we slipped onward to
what promised to be a day of all white dayswhich brings me right back
to my text； that grown…up people really ought to be more careful。
I had known it could never really be； I had said so to myself a dozen
times。 The vision was too sweetly ethereal for embodiment。
Yet the pang of the disillusionment was none the less keen and
sickening； and the pain was as that of a corporeal wound。 It seemed
strange and foreboding； when we entered the breakfast… room； not to find
everybody cracking whips； jumping over chairs； and whooping。 In
ecstatic rehearsal of the wild reality to come。
The situation became grim and pallid indeed； when I caught the
expressions 〃garden…party〃 and 〃my mauve tulle；〃 and realized that they
both referred to that very afternoon。 And every minute； as I sat silent and
listened； my heart sank lower and lower； descending relentlessly like a
clock…weight into my boot soles。
Throughout my agony I never dreamed of resorting to a direct question；
much less a reproach。 Even during the period of joyful anticipation some
32
… Page 33…
DREAM DAYS
fear of breaking the spell had kept me from any bald circus talk in the
presence of them。 But Harold； who was built in quite another way； so
soon as he discerned the drift of their conversation and heard the knell of
all his hopes； filled the room with wail and clamour of bereavement。 The
grinning welkin rang with 〃Circus！〃 〃Circus！〃 shook the window…panes；
the mocking walls re…echoed 〃Circus！〃 Circus he would have； and the
whole circus； and nothing but the circus。 No compromise for him； no
evasions； no fallacious； unsecured promises to pay。 He had drawn his
cheque on the Bank of Expectation； and it had got to be cashed then and
there； else he would yell； and yell himself into a fit； and come out of it and
yell again。 Yelling should