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e that I had not only lost her for everbut every feeling I had ever had towards herrespect； tenderness； pityall but my fatal passion； was gone。 The whole was a mockery； a frightful illusion。 I had embraced the false Florimel instead of the true； or was like the man in the Arabian Nights who had married a GOUL。 How different was the idea I once had of her？ Was this she；
〃Who had been beguiledshe who was made Within a gentle bosom to be laid To bless and to be blessedto be heart…bare To one who found his bettered likeness there To think for ever with him； like a bride To haunt his eye； like taste personified To double his delight； to share his sorrow； And like a morning beam； wake to him every morrow？
I saw her pale； cold form glide silent by me； dead to shame as to pity。 Still I seemed to clasp this piece of witchcraft to my bosom； this lifeless image； which was all that was left of my love； was the only thing to which my sad heart clung。 Were she dead； should I not wish to gaze once more upon her pallid features？ She is dead to me； but what she once was to me； can never die！ The agony； the conflict of hope and fear； of adoration and jealousy is over； or it would； ere long； have ended with my life。 I am no more lifted now to Heaven； and then plunged in the abyss； but I seem to have been thrown from the top of a precipice； and to lie groveling； stunned； and stupefied。 I am melancholy； lonesome； and weaker than a child。 The worst is； I have no prospect of any alteration for the better： she has cut off all possibility of a reconcilement at any future period。 Were she even to return to her former pretended fondness and endearments； I could have no pleasure； no confidence in them。 I can scarce make out the contradiction to myself。 I strive to think she always was what I now know she is； but I have great difficulty in it； and can hardly believe but she still IS what she so long SEEMED。 Poor thing！ I am afraid she is little better off herself； nor do I see what is to become of her； unless she throws off the mask at once； and RUNS A…MUCK at infamy。 She is exposed and laid bare to all those whose opinion she set a value upon。 Yet she held her head very high； and must feel （if she feels any thing） proportionably mortified。A more complete experiment on character was never made。 If I had not met her lover immediately after I parted with her； it would have been nothing。 I might have supposed she had changed her mind in my absence； and had given him the preference as soon as she felt it； and even shewn her delicacy in declining any farther intimacy with me。 But it comes out that she had gone on in the most forward and familiar way with both at once（she could not change her mind in passing from one room to another）told both the same barefaced and unblushing falsehoods； like the commonest creature； received presents from me to the very last； and wished to keep up the game still longer； either to gratify her humour； her avarice； or her vanity in playing with my passion； or to have me as a dernier resort； in case of accidents。 Again； it would have been nothing； if she had not come up with her demure； well…composed； wheedling looks that morning； and then met me in the evening in a situation； which （she believed） might kill me on the spot； with no more feeling than a common courtesan shews； who BILKS a customer； and passes him； leering up at her bully； the moment after。 If there had been the frailty of passion； it would have been excusable； but it is evident she is a practised； callous jilt； a regular lodging…house decoy； played off by her mother upon the lodgers； one after another； applying them to her different purposes； laughing at them in turns； and herself the probable dupe and victim of some favourite gallant in the end。 I know all this； but what do I gain by it； unless I could find some one with her shape and air； to supply the place of the lovely apparition？ That a professed wanton should come and sit on a man's knee； and put her arms round his neck； and caress him； and seem fond of him； means nothing； proves nothing； no one concludes anything from it； but that a pretty； reserved； modest； delicate…looking girl should do this； from the first hour to the last of your being in the house； without intending anything by it； is new； and； I think； worth explaining。 It was； I confess； out of my calculation； and may be out of that of others。 Her unmoved indifference and self…possession all the while； shew that it is her constant practice。 Her look even； if closely examined； bears this interpretation。 It is that of studied hypocrisy or startled guilt； rather than of refined sensibility or conscious innocence。 〃She defied anyone to read her thoughts？〃 she once told me。 〃Do they then require concealing？〃 I imprudently asked her。 The command over herself is surprising。 She never once betrays herself by any momentary forgetfulness； by any appearance of triumph or superiority to the person who is her dupe； by any levity of manner in the plenitude of her success； it is one faultless； undeviating； consistent； consummate piece of acting。 Were she a saint on earth； she could not seem more like one。 Her hypocritical high…flown pretensions； indeed； make her the worse： but still the ascendancy of her will； her determined perseverance in what she undertakes to do； has something admirable in it； approaching to the heroic。 She is certainly an extraordinary girl！ Her retired manner； and invariable propriety of behaviour made me think it next to impossible she could grant the same favours indiscriminately to every one that she did to me。 Yet this now appears to be the fact。 She must have done the very same with C； invited him into the house to carry on a closer intrigue with her； and then commenced the double game with both together。 She always 〃despised looks。〃 This was a favourite phrase with her； and one of the hooks which she baited for me。 Nothing could win her but a man's behaviour and sentiments。 Besides； she could never like anothershe was a martyr to disappointed affectionand friendship was all she could even extend to any other man。 All the time； she was making signals； playing off her pretty person； and having occasional interviews in the street with this very man； whom she could only have taken so sudden and violent a liking to him from his looks； his personal appearance； and what she probably conjectured of his circumstances。 Her sister had married a counsellorthe Miss F's； who kept the house before； had done so tooand so would she。 〃There was a precedent for it。〃 Yet if she was so desperately enamoured of this new acquaintance； if he had displaced THE LITTLE IMAGE from her breast； if he was become her SECOND 〃unalterable attachment〃 （which I would have given my life to have been） why continue the same unwarrantable familiarities with me to the last； and promise that they should be renewed on my return （if I had not unfortunately stumbled upon the truth to her aunt） and yet keep up the same refined cant about her old attachment all the time； as if it was that which stood in the way of my pretensions； and not her faithlessness to it？ 〃If one swerves from one； one shall swerve from another〃was her excus