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liber amoris-第13章

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hort; he believes; from what he learns from herself (and he had purposely seen her on the subject; in consequence of my application to him) that she is at present indisposed to the marriage; but he is not prepared to say positively that she will not consent to it。  Now all this; coming from him in the most frank and unaffected manner; and without any appearance of cant; caution; or reserve; I take to be most important as it respects your views; whatever they may be; and certainly much more favourable to them (I confess it) than I was prepared to expect; supposing them to remain as they were。  In fact as I said before; the affair rests entirely with herself。  They are none of them disposed either to further the marriage; or throw any insurmountable obstacles in the way of it; and what is more important than all; they are evidently by no means CERTAIN that SHE may not; at some future period; consent to it; or they would; for her sake as well as their own; let you know as much flatly; and put an end to the affair at once。

Seeing in how frank and straitforward a manner he received what I had to say to him; and replied to it; I proceeded to ask him what were HIS views; and what were likely to be HERS (in case she did not consent) as to whether you should return to live in the house;but I added; without waiting for his answer; that if she intended to persist in treating you as she had done for some time past; it would be worse than madness for you to think of returning。  I added that; in case you did return; all you would expect from her would be that she would treat you with civility and kindnessthat she would continue to evince that friendly feeling towards you; that she had done for a great length of time; &c。  To this; he said; he could really give no decisive reply; but that he should be most happy if; by any intervention of his; he could conduce to your comfort; but he seemed to think that for you to return on any express understanding that she should behave to you in any particular manner; would be to place her in a most awkward situation。  He went somewhat at length into this point; and talked very reasonably about it; the result; however; was that he would not throw any obstacles in the way of your return; or of her treating you as a friend; &c。; nor did it appear that he believed she would refuse to do so。  And; finally; we parted on the understanding that he would see them on the subject; and ascertain what could be done for the comfort of all parties: though he was of opinion that if you could make up your mind to break off the acquaintance altogether; it would be the best plan of all。  I am to hear from him again in a day or two。Well; what do you say to all this?  Can you turn it to any thing but goodcomparative good?  If you would know what _I_ say to it; it is this:She is still to be won by wise and prudent conduct on your part; she was always to have been won by such;and if she is lost; it has been (not; as you sometimes suppose; because you have not carried that unwise; may I not say UNWORTHY? conduct still farther; but because you gave way to it at all。  Of course I use the terms 〃wise〃 and 〃prudent〃 with reference to your object。  Whether the pursuit of that object is wise; only yourself can judge。  I say she has all along been to be won; and she still is to be won; and all that stands in the way of your views at this moment is your past conduct。  They are all of them; every soul; frightened at you; they have SEEN enough of you to make them so; and they have doubtless heard ten times more than they have seen; or than anyone else has seen。  They are all of them including M (and particularly she herself) frightened out of their wits; as to what might be your treatment of her if she were yours; and they dare not trust youthey will not trust you; at present。  I do not say that they will trust you; or rather that SHE will; for it all depends on her; when you have gone through a probation; but I am sure that she will not trust you till you have。  You will; I hope; not be angry with me when I say that she would be a fool if she did。  If she were to accept you at present; and without knowing more of you; even I should begin to suspect that she had an unworthy motive for doing it。  Let me not forget to mention what is perhaps as important a point as any; as it regards the marriage。  I of course stated to M that when you are free; you are prepared to make her a formal offer of your hand; but I begged him; if he was certain that such an offer would be refused; to tell me so plainly at once; that I might endeavour; in that case; to dissuade you from subjecting yourself to the pain of such a refusal。  HE WOULD NOT TELL ME THAT HE WAS CERTAIN。  He said his opinion was that she would not accept your offer; but still he seemed to think that there would be no harm in making it!…One word more; and a very important one。  He once; and without my referring in the slightest manner to that part of the subject; spoke of her as a GOOD GIRL; and LIKELY TO MAKE ANY MAN AN EXCELLENT WIFE!  Do you think if she were a bad girl (and if she were; he must know her to be so) he would have dared to do this; under these circumstances?And once; in speaking of HIS not being a fit person to set his face against 〃marrying for love;〃 he added 〃I did so myself; and out of that house; and I have had reason to rejoice at it ever since。〃  And mind (for I anticipate your cursed suspicions) I'm certain; at least; if manner can entitle one to be certain of any thing; that he said all this spontaneously; and without any understood motive; and I'm certain; too; that he knows you to be a person that it would not do to play any tricks of this kind with。  I believe(and all this would never have entered my thoughts; but that I know it will enter yours) I believe that even if they thought (as you have sometimes supposed they do) that she needs whitewashing; or making an honest woman of; YOU would be the last person they would think of using for such a purpose; for they know (as well as I do) that you couldn't fail to find out the trick in a month; and would turn her into the street the next moment; though she were twenty times your wifeand that; as to the consequences of doing so; you would laugh at them; even if you couldn't escape from them。I shall lose the post if I say more。

Believe me;

Ever truly your friend;

C。 P。



LETTER XIII





My dear P; You have saved my life。  If I do not keep friends with her now; I deserve to be hanged; drawn; and quartered。  She is an angel from Heaven; and you cannot pretend I ever said a word to the contrary!  The little rogue must have liked me from the first; or she never could have stood all these hurricanes without slipping her cable。  What could she find in me?  〃I have mistook my person all this while;〃 &c。  Do you know I saw a picture; the very pattern of her; the other day; at Dalkeith Palace (Hope finding Fortune in the Sea); just before this blessed news came; and the resemblance drove me almost out of my senses。  Such delicacy; such fulness; such perfect softness; such buoyancy; such grace!  If it is not the very image of her; I am no judge。You have the face to doubt my making the best husband in the wo
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