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had all along no particular regard for me； she will not do as much or more with other more likely men？ 〃She has had；〃 she says； 〃enough of my conversation；〃 so it could not be that！ Ah！ my friend； it was not to be supposed I should ever meet even with the outward demonstrations of regard from any woman but a common trader in the endearments of love！ I have tasted the sweets of the well practiced illusion； and now feel the bitterness of knowing what a bliss I am deprived of； and must ever be deprived of。 Intolerable conviction！ Yet I might； I believe； have won her by other methods； but some demon held my hand。 How indeed could I offer her the least insult when I worshipped her very footsteps； and even now pay her divine honours from my inmost heart； whenever I think of her； abased and brutalised as I have been by that Circean cup of kisses； of enchantments； of which I have drunk！ I am choked； withered； dried up with chagrin； remorse； despair； from which I have not a moment's respite； day or night。 I have always some horrid dream about her； and wake wondering what is the matter that 〃she is no longer the same to me as ever？〃 I thought at least we should always remain dear friends； if nothing moredid she not talk of coming to live with me only the day before I left her in the winter？ But 〃she's gone； I am abused； and my revenge must be to LOVE her！〃Yet she knows that one line； one word would save me； the cruel； heartless destroyer！ I see nothing for it but madness； unless Friday brings a change； or unless she is willing to let me go back。 You must know I wrote to her to that purpose； but it was a very quiet； sober letter； begging pardon； and professing reform for the future； and all that。 What effect it will have； I know not。 I was forced to get out of the way of her answer； till Friday came。
Ever yours。
TO S。 L。
My dear Miss L； EVIL TO THEM THAT EVIL THINK； is an old saying； and I have found it a true one。 I have ruined myself by my unjust suspicions of you。 Your sweet friendship was the balm of my life； and I have lost it； I fear for ever； by one fault and folly after another。 What would I give to be restored to the place in your esteem； which； you assured me； I held only a few months ago！ Yet I was not contented； but did all I could to torment myself and harass you by endless doubts and jealousy。 Can you not forget and forgive the past； and judge of me by my conduct in future？ Can you not take all my follies in the lump； and say like a good； generous girl； 〃Well； I'll think no more of them？〃 In a word； may I come back； and try to behave better？ A line to say so would be an additional favour to so many already received by
Your obliged friend；
And sincere well…wisher。
LETTER XII。 TO C。 P
I have no answer from her。 I'm mad。 I wish you to call on M in confidence； to say I intend to make her an offer of my hand； and that I will write to her father to that effect the instant I am free； and ask him whether he thinks it will be to any purpose； and what he would advise me to do。
UNALTERED LOVE
〃Love is not love that alteration finds： Oh no！ it is an ever…fixed mark； That looks on tempests and is never shaken。〃
Shall I not love her for herself alone； in spite of fickleness and folly？ To love her for her regard to me； is not to love her； but myself。 She has robbed me of herself： shall she also rob me of my love of her？ Did I not live on her smile？ Is it less sweet because it is withdrawn from me？ Did I not adore her every grace？ Does she bend less enchantingly； because she has turned from me to another？ Is my love then in the power of fortune； or of her caprice？ No； I will have it lasting as it is pure； and I will make a Goddess of her； and build a temple to her in my heart； and worship her on indestructible altars； and raise statues to her： and my homage shall be unblemished as her unrivalled symmetry of form； and when that fails； the memory of it shall survive； and my bosom shall be proof to scorn； as hers has been to pity； and I will pursue her with an unrelenting love； and sue to be her slave； and tend her steps without notice and without reward； and serve her living； and mourn for her when dead。 And thus my love will have shewn itself superior to her hate； and I shall triumph and then die。 This is my idea of the only true and heroic love！ Such is mine for her。
PERFECT LOVE
Perfect love has this advantage in it； that it leaves the possessor of it nothing farther to desire。 There is one object （at least） in which the soul finds absolute content； for which it seeks to live； or dares to die。 The heart has as it were filled up the moulds of the imagination。 The truth of passion keeps pace with and outvies the extravagance of mere language。 There are no words so fine； no flattery so soft； that there is not a sentiment beyond them； that it is impossible to express； at the bottom of the heart where true love is。 What idle sounds the common phrases； adorable creature； angel； divinity； are？ What a proud reflection it is to have a feeling answering to all these； rooted in the breast； unalterable； unutterable； to which all other feelings are light and vain！ Perfect love reposes on the object of its choice； like the halcyon on the wave； and the air of heaven is around it。
FROM C。 P。； ESQ。
London； July 4th； I822。
I have seen M！ Now； my dear H； let me entreat and adjure you to take what I have to tell you； FOR WHAT IT IS WORTHneither for less； nor more。 In the first place； I have learned nothing decisive from him。 This； as you will at once see； is； as far as it goes； good。 I am either to hear from him； or see him again in a day or two； but I thought you would like to know what passed inconclusive as it wasso I write without delay； and in great haste to save a post。 I found him frank； and even friendly in his manner to me； and in his views respecting you。 I think that he is sincerely sorry for your situation； and he feels that the person who has placed you in that situation is not much less awkwardly situated herself； and he professes that he would willingly do what he can for the good of both。 But he sees great difficulties attending the affairwhich he frankly professes to consider as an altogether unfortunate one。 With respect to the marriage； he seems to see the most formidable objections to it； on both sides； but yet he by no means decidedly says that it cannot； or that it ought not to take place。 These； mind you； are his own feelings on the subject： but the most important point I learn from him is this； that he is not prepared to use his influence either waythat the rest of the family are of the same way of feeling； and that； in fact； the thing must and does entirely rest with herself。 To learn this was； as you see； gaining a great point。When I then endeavoured to ascertain whether he knew anything decisive as to what are her views on the subject； I found that he did not。 He has an opinion on the subject； and he didn't scruple to tell me what it was； but he has no positive knowledge。 In short； he believes； from what he learns from herself （and he had purposely seen her on the subject； i