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your idea of her death； and have a good mind to substitute a
featureless aunt。
SLIP 78。 I don't see how to lessen this effect。 There is
really not much said of it； and I know Catriona did it。 But
I'll try。
… 89。 I know。 This is an old puzzle of mine。 You see C。's
dialect is not wholly a bed of roses。 If only I knew the
Gaelic。 Well； I'll try for another expression。
THE END。 I shall try to work it over。 James was at Dunkirk
ordering post…horses for his own retreat。 Catriona did have
her suspicions aroused by the letter； and； careless
gentleman； I told you so … or she did at least。 … Yes； the
blood money； I am bothered about the portmanteau； it is the
presence of Catriona that bothers me； the rape of the
pockmantie is historic。 。 。 。
To me； I own； it seems in the proof a very pretty piece of
workmanship。 David himself I refuse to discuss； he IS。 The
Lord Advocate I think a strong sketch of a very difficult
character； James More； sufficient； and the two girls very
pleasing creatures。 But O dear me； I came near losing my
heart to Barbara！ I am not quite so constant as David； and
even he … well； he didn't know it； anyway！ TOD LAPRAIK is a
piece of living Scots： if I had never writ anything but that
and THRAWN JANET； still I'd have been a writer。 The defects
of D。B。 are inherent； I fear。 But on the whole； I am far
indeed from being displeased with the tailie。 They want more
Alan？ Well； they can't get it。
I found my fame much grown on this return to civilisation。
DIGITO MONSTRARI is a new experience； people all looked at me
in the streets in Sydney； and it was very queer。 Here； of
course； I am only the white chief in the Great House to the
natives； and to the whites； either an ally or a foe。 It is a
much healthier state of matters。 If I lived in an atmosphere
of adulation； I should end by kicking against the pricks。 O
my beautiful forest； O my beautiful shining； windy house；
what a joy it was to behold them again！ No chance to take
myself too seriously here。
The difficulty of the end is the mass of matter to be
attended to； and the small time left to transact it in。 I
mean from Alan's danger of arrest。 But I have just seen my
way out； I do believe。
EASTER SUNDAY。
I have now got as far as slip 28； and finished the chapter of
the law technicalities。 Well； these seemed to me always of
the essence of the story； which is the story of a CAUSE
CELEBRE； moreover； they are the justification of my
inventions； if these men went so far （granting Davie sprung
on them） would they not have gone so much further？ But of
course I knew they were a difficulty； determined to carry
them through in a conversation； approached this （it seems）
with cowardly anxiety； and filled it with gabble； sir；
gabble。 I have left all my facts； but have removed 42 lines。
I should not wonder but what I'll end by re…writing it。 It
is not the technicalities that shocked you； it was my bad
art。 It is very strange that X。 should be so good a chapter
and IX。 and XI。 so uncompromisingly bad。 It looks as if XI。
also would have to be re…formed。 If X。 had not cheered me
up； I should be in doleful dumps； but X。 is alive anyway； and
life is all in all。
THURSDAY； APRIL 5TH。
Well； there's no disguise possible； Fanny is not well； and we
are miserably anxious。 。 。 。
FRIDAY； 7TH。
I am thankful to say the new medicine relieved her at once。
A crape has been removed from the day for all of us。 To make
things better； the morning is ah！ such a morning as you have
never seen； heaven upon earth for sweetness； freshness； depth
upon depth of unimaginable colour； and a huge silence broken
at this moment only by the far…away murmur of the Pacific and
the rich piping of a single bird。 You can't conceive what a
relief this is； it seems a new world。 She has such
extraordinary recuperative power that I do hope for the best。
I am as tired as man can be。 This is a great trial to a
family； and I thank God it seems as if ours was going to bear
it well。 And O！ if it only lets up； it will be but a
pleasant memory。 We are all seedy； bar Lloyd： Fanny； as per
above； self nearly extinct； Belle； utterly overworked and bad
toothache； Cook； down with a bad foot； Butler； prostrate with
a bad leg。 Eh； what a faim'ly！
SUNDAY。
Grey heaven； raining torrents of rain； occasional thunder and
lightning。 Everything to dispirit； but my invalids are
really on the mend。 The rain roars like the sea； in the
sound of it there is a strange and ominous suggestion of an
approaching tramp； something nameless and measureless seems
to draw near； and strikes me cold； and yet is welcome。 I lie
quiet in bed to…day； and think of the universe with a good
deal of equanimity。 I have； at this moment； but the one
objection to it； the FRACAS with which it proceeds。 I do not
love noise； I am like my grandfather in that； and so many
years in these still islands has ingrained the sentiment
perhaps。 Here are no trains； only men pacing barefoot。 No
carts or carriages； at worst the rattle of a horse's shoes
among the rocks。 Beautiful silence； and so soon as this
robustious rain takes off； I am to drink of it again by
oceanfuls。
APRIL 16TH。
Several pages of this letter destroyed as beneath scorn； the
wailings of a crushed worm； matter in which neither you nor I
can take stock。 Fanny is distinctly better； I believe all
right now； I too am mending； though I have suffered from
crushed wormery； which is not good for the body； and
damnation to the soul。 I feel to…night a baseless anxiety to
write a lovely poem A PROPOS DES BOTTES DE MA GRANDMERE。 I
see I am idiotic。 I'll try the poem。
17TH。
The poem did not get beyond plovers and lovers。 I am still；
however； harassed by the unauthentic Muse； if I cared to
encourage her … but I have not the time； and anyway we are at
the vernal equinox。 It is funny enough； but my pottering
verses are usually made （like the God…gifted organ voice's）
at the autumnal； and this seems to hold at the Antipodes。
There is here some odd secret of Nature。 I cannot speak of
politics； we wait and wonder。 It seems （this is partly a
guess） Ide won't take the C。 J。 ship； unless the islands are
disarmed； and that England hesitates and holds off。 By my
own idea； strongly corroborated by Sir George； I am writing
no more letters。 But I have put as many irons in against
this folly of the disarming as I could manage。 It did not
reach my ears till nearly too late。 What a risk to take！
What an expense to incur！ And for how poor a gain！ Apart
from the treachery of it。 My dear fellow； politics is a vile
and a bungling business。 I used to think meanly of the
plumber； but how he shines beside the politic