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admired her; but I was aware that I differed from her inexpressibly。
Then I suspected; what I afterwards definitely knew and have already
intimated; that the poor lady felt small taste for her husband's so
undisguised disciple; and this of course was not encouraging。 She
thought me an obtrusive and designing; even perhaps a depraved; young
man whom a perverse Providence had dropped upon their quiet lawn to
flatter his worst tendencies。 She did me the honour to say to Miss
Ambient; who repeated the speech; that she didn't know when she had
seen their companion take such a fancy to a visitor; and she measured
apparently my evil influence by Mark's appreciation of my society。 I
had a consciousness; not oppressive but quite sufficient; of all
this; though I must say that if it chilled my flow of small…talk it
yet didn't prevent my thinking the beautiful mother and beautiful
child; interlaced there against their background of roses; a picture
such as I doubtless shouldn't soon see again。 I was free; I
supposed; to go into the house and write letters; to sit in the
drawing…room; to repair to my own apartment and take a nap; but the
only use I made of my freedom was to linger still in my chair and say
to myself that the light hand of Sir Joshua might have painted Mark
Ambient's wife and son。 I found myself looking perpetually at the
latter small mortal; who looked constantly back at me; and that was
enough to detain me。 With these vaguely…amused eyes he smiled; and I
felt it an absolute impossibility to abandon a child with such an
expression。 His attention never strayed; it attached itself to my
face as if among all the small incipient things of his nature
throbbed a desire to say something to me。 If I could have taken him
on my own knee he perhaps would have managed to say it; but it would
have been a critical matter to ask his mother to give him up; and it
has remained a constant regret for me that on that strange Sunday
afternoon I didn't even for a moment hold Dolcino in my arms。 He had
said he felt remarkably well and was especially happy; but though
peace may have been with him as he pillowed his charming head on his
mother's breast; dropping his little crimson silk legs from her lap;
I somehow didn't think security was。 He made no attempt to walk
about; he was content to swing his legs softly and strike one as
languid and angelic。
Mark returned to us with his sister; and Miss Ambient; repeating her
mention of the claims of her correspondence; passed into the house。
Mark came and stood in front of his wife; looking down at the child;
who immediately took hold of his hand and kept it while he stayed。
〃I think Mackintosh ought to see him;〃 he said; 〃I think I'll walk
over and fetch him。〃
〃That's Gwendolen's idea; I suppose;〃 Mrs。 Ambient replied very
sweetly。
〃It's not such an out…of…the…way idea when one's child's ill;〃 he
returned。
〃I'm not ill; papa; I'm much better now;〃 sounded in the boy's silver
pipe。
〃Is that the truth; or are you only saying it to be agreeable?
You've a great idea of being agreeable; you know。〃
The child seemed to meditate on this distinction; this imputation;
for a moment; then his exaggerated eyes; which had wandered; caught
my own as I watched him。 〃Do YOU think me agreeable?〃 he inquired
with the candour of his age and with a look that made his father turn
round to me laughing and ask; without saying it; 〃Isn't he adorable?〃
〃Then why don't you hop about; if you feel so lusty?〃 Ambient went on
while his son swung his hand。
〃Because mamma's holding me close!〃
〃Oh yes; I know how mamma holds you when I come near!〃 cried Mark
with a grimace at his wife。
She turned her charming eyes up to him without deprecation or
concession。 〃You can go for Mackintosh if you like。 I think myself
it would be better。 You ought to drive。〃
〃She says that to get me away;〃 he put to me with a gaiety that I
thought a little false; after which he started for the Doctor's。
I remained there with Mrs。 Ambient; though even our exchange of
twaddle had run very thin。 The boy's little fixed white face seemed;
as before; to plead with me to stay; and after a while it produced
still another effect; a very curious one; which I shall find it
difficult to express。 Of course I expose myself to the charge of an
attempt to justify by a strained logic after the fact a step which
may have been on my part but the fruit of a native want of
discretion; and indeed the traceable consequences of that perversity
were too lamentable to leave me any desire to trifle with the
question。 All I can say is that I acted in perfect good faith and
that Dolcino's friendly little gaze gradually kindled the spark of my
inspiration。 What helped it to glow were the other influencesthe
silent suggestive garden…nook; the perfect opportunity (if it was not
an opportunity for that it was an opportunity for nothing) and the
plea I speak of; which issued from the child's eyes and seemed to
make him say: 〃The mother who bore me and who presses me here to her
bosomsympathetic little organism that I amhas really the kind of
sensibility she has been represented to you as lacking; if you only
look for it patiently and respectfully。 How is it conceivable she
shouldn't have it? How is it possible that _I_ should have so much
of itfor I'm quite full of it; dear strange gentlemanif it
weren't also in some degree in her? I'm my great father's child; but
I'm also my beautiful mother's; and I'm sorry for the difference
between them!〃 So it shaped itself before me; the vision of
reconciling Mrs。 Ambient with her husband; of putting an end to their
ugly difference。 The project was absurd of course; for had I not had
his word for itspoken with all the bitterness of experiencethat
the gulf dividing them was well…nigh bottomless? Nevertheless; a
quarter of an hour after Mark had left us; I observed to my hostess
that I couldn't get over what she had told me the night before about
her thinking her husband's compositions 〃objectionable。〃 I had been
so very sorry to hear it; had thought of it constantly and wondered
whether it mightn't be possible to make her change her mind。 She
gave me a great cold stare; meant apparently as an admonition to me
to mind my business。 I wish I had taken this mute counsel; but I
didn't take it。 I went on to remark that it seemed an immense pity
so much that was interesting should be lost on her。
〃Nothing's lost upon me;〃 she said in a tone that didn't make the
contradiction less。 〃I know they're very interesting。〃
〃Don't you like papa's books?〃 Dolcino asked; addressing his mother
but still looking at me。 Then he added to me: 〃Won't you read them
to me; American gentleman?〃
〃I'd rather tell you some stories of my own;〃 I said。 〃I know some
that are awfully good。〃
〃When will you tell them? To…morrow?〃
〃To…morrow with pleasure; if that suits you。〃
His mother took this in silence。 Her husband; during our walk; had
asked me to remain another day; my promise to her son was an
implication that I had consented; and it wasn't possible the news
could please her。 This ought doubtless to ha