按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
where he can walk of a morning。 These spinsters； although loving sisters；
no longer go about together； Caligula's nerves being so shaken that
solitude upsets them。 He would sooner expire than be left alone with the
servant； for the excellent reason that his bad temper and absurd airs have
made him dangerous enemies below stairs … and he knows it！
Another household in this city revolves around two brainless； goggle…
eyed beasts； imported at much expense from the slopes of Fuji…yama。 The
care that is lavished on those heathen monsters passes belief。 Maids are
employed to carry them up and down stairs； and men are called in the
night to hurry for a doctor when Chi has over…eaten or Fu develops colic；
yet their devoted mistress tells me； with tears in her eyes； that in spite of
this care； when she takes her darlings for a walk they do not know her
from the first stranger that passes； and will follow any boy who whistles to
them in the street。
What revolts me in the character of dogs is that； not content with
escaping from the responsibilities entailed on all the other inhabitants of
our globe by the struggle for existence； these four…legged Pecksniffs have
succeeded in making for themselves a fallacious reputation for honesty
and devotion。 What little lingering belief I had in canine fidelity
succumbed then I was told that St。 Bernards … those models of integrity
and courage … have fallen into the habit of carrying the flasks of brandy
7
… Page 8…
THE WAYS OF MEN
that the kind monks provide for the succor of snowbound travellers； to the
neighboring hamlets and exchanging the contents for … chops！
Will the world ever wake to the true character of these four… legged
impostors and realize that instead of being disinterested and sincere； most
family pets are consummate hypocrites。 Innocent？ Pshaw！ Their pretty；
coaxing ways and pretences of affection are unadulterated guile； their
ostentatious devotion； simply a clever manoeuvre to excite interest and
obtain unmerited praise。 It is useless； however； to hope that things will
change。 So long as this giddy old world goes on waltzing in space； so long
shall we continue to be duped by shams and pin our faith on frauds；
confounding an attractive bearing with a sweet disposition and mistaking
dishevelled hair and eccentric appearance for brains。 Even in the Orient；
where dogs have been granted immunity from other labor on the condition
that they organized an effective street…cleaning department； they have been
false to their trust and have evaded their contracts quite as if they were
Tammany braves； like whom they pass their days in slumber and their
nights in settling private disputes； while the city remains uncleaned。
I nurse yet another grudge against the canine race！ That Voltaire of a
whelp； who imposed himself upon our confiding first parents； must have
had an important pull at headquarters； for he certainly succeeded in getting
the decree concerning beauty and fitness which applies to all mammals；
including man himself； reversed in favor of dogs； and handed down to his
descendants the secret of making defects and deformities pass current as
qualities。 While other animals are valued for sleek coats and slender
proportions； canine monstrosities have always been in demand。 We do not
admire squints or protruding under jaws in our own race； yet bulldogs
have persuaded many weak…minded people that these defects are charming
when combined in an individual of their breed。
The fox in the fable； who after losing his tail tried to make that
bereavement the fashion； failed in his undertaking； Dutch canal…boat dogs
have； however； been successful where the fox failed； and are to…day
pampered and prized for a curtailment that would condemn any other
animal （except perhaps a Manx cat） to a watery grave at birth。
I can only recall two instances where canine sycophants got their
8
… Page 9…
THE WAYS OF MEN
deserts； the first tale （probably apocryphal） is about a donkey； for years the
silent victim of a little terrier who had been trained to lead him to water
and back。 The dog … as might have been expected … abused the situation；
while pretending to be very kind to his charge； never allowed him to roll
on the grass； as he would have liked； or drink in peace； and harassed the
poor beast in many other ways； getting； however； much credit from the
neighbors for devotion and intelligence。 Finally； one day after months of
waiting； the patient victim's chance came。 Getting his tormentor well out
into deep water； the donkey quietly sat down on him。
The other tale is true； for I knew the lady who provided in her will that
her entire establishment should be kept up for the comfort and during the
life of the three fat spaniels that had solaced her declining years。 The heirs
tried to break the will and failed； the delighted domestics； seeing before
them a period of repose； proceeded （headed by the portly housekeeper） to
consult a 〃vet〃 as to how the life of the precious legatees might be
prolonged to the utmost。 His advice was to stop all sweets and rich food
and give each of the animals at least three hours of hard exercise a day。
From that moment the lazy brutes led a dog's life。 Water and the detested
〃Spratt〃 biscuit； scorned in happier days； formed their meagre ordinary；
instead of somnolent airings in a softly cushioned landau they were torn
from chimney corner musings to be raced through cold； muddy streets by
a groom on horseback。
Those two tales give me the keenest pleasure。 When I am received on
entering a friend's room with a chorus of yelps and attacked in dark
corners by snarling little hypocrites who fawn on me in their master's
presence； I humbly pray that some such Nemesis may be in store for these
FAUX BONHOMMES before they leave this world； as apparently no
provision has been made for their punishment in the next。
9
… Page 10…
THE WAYS OF MEN
CHAPTER 3 … Cyrano； Rostand；