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have informed agin him as a traitor to his flag； and had him
put in Fort Lafayette。
I say adoo to Quebeck with regret。 It is old…fogyish； but
chock…full of interest。 Young gentlemen of a romantic turn of
mind； who air botherin' their heads as to how they can spend
their father's money； had better see Quebeck。
Altogether I like Canady。 Good people and lots of pretty
girls。 I wouldn't mind comin' over here to live in the
capacity of a Duke； provided a vacancy occurs； and provided
further I could be allowed a few star…spangled banners； a
eagle； a boon of liberty； etc。
Don't think I've skedaddled。 Not at all。 I'm coming home in
a week。
Let's have the Union restored as it was； if we can； but if we
can't； I'M IN FAVOR OF THE UNION AS IT WASN'T。 But the Union；
anyhow。
Gentlemen of the editorial corpse； if you would be happy be
virtoous！ I who am the emblem of virtoo； tell you so。
（Signed；） 〃A Ward。〃
2。11。 THE NOBLE RED MAN。
The red man of the forest was form'ly a very respectful
person。 Justice to the noble aboorygine warrants me in sayin'
that orrigernerly he was a majestic cuss。
At the time CHRIS。 arrove on these shores （I allood to CHRIS。
COLUMBUS）； the savajis was virtoous and happy。 They were
innocent of secession； rum； draw…poker； and sinfulness
gin'rally。 They didn't discuss the slavery question as a
custom。 They had no Congress； faro banks； delirium tremens；
or Associated Press。 Their habits was consequently good。
Late suppers； dyspepsy； gas companies； thieves； ward
politicians； pretty waiter…girls； and other metropolitan
refinements； were unknown among them。 No savage in good
standing would take postage…stamps。 You couldn't have bo't a
coonskin with a barrel of 'em。 The female Aboorygine never
died of consumption； because she didn't tie her waist up in
whale…bone things； but in loose and flowin' garments she
bounded； with naked feet； over hills and plains； like the wild
and frisky antelope。 It was a onlucky moment for us when
CHRIS。 sot his foot onto these 'ere shores。 It would have
been better for us of the present day if the injins had given
him a warm meal and sent him home ore the ragin' billers。 For
the savages owned the country； and COLUMBUS was a fillibuster。
CORTEZ； PIZARRO； and WALKER were one…horse fillibusters
COLUMBUS was a four…horse team fillibuster； and a large yaller
dog under the waggin。 I say； in view of the mess we are
makin' of things； it would have been better for us if cOLUMBUS
had staid to home。 It would have been better for the show
bisniss。 The circulation of 〃Vanity Fair〃 would be larger；
and the proprietors would all have boozum pins！ Yes； sir； and
perhaps a ten…pin alley。
By which I don't wish to be understood as intimatin' that the
scalpin' wretches who are in the injin bisness at the present
day are of any account； or calculated to make home happy；
specially the Sioxes of Minnesoty； who desarve to be murdered
in the first degree； and if POPE will only stay in St。 Paul
and not go near 'em HIMSELF； I reckon they will be。
2。12。 ARTEMUS WARD IN RICHMOND。
Richmond； Va。May； 18 & 65。
OLONZO WARD。
Afore I comments this letter from the late rebil capitol I
desire to cimply say that I hav seen a low and skurrilus noat
in the paper from a certin purson who singes hisself Olonzo
Ward； & sez he is my berruther。 I did ONCE hav a berruther of
that name； but I do not recugnize him now。 To me he is wuss
than ded！ I took him from collige sum 16 years ago and gave
him a good situation as the Bearded Woman in my Show。 How did
he repay me for this kindness？ He basely undertook （one day
while in a Backynalian mood on rum & right in sight of the
aujience in the tent） to stand upon his hed； whareby he
betray'd his sex on account of his boots & his Beard fallin'
off his face； thus rooinin' my prospecks in that town； &
likewise incurrin' the seris displeasure of the Press； which
sed boldly I was triflin with the feelin's of a intelligent
public。 I know no such man as Olonzo Ward。 I do not even
wish his name breathed in my presents。 I do not recognize
him。 I perfectly disgust him。
RICHMOND。
The old man finds hisself once more in a Sunny climb。 I cum
here a few days arter the city catterpillertulated。
My naburs seemed surprised & astonisht at this darin' bravery
onto the part of a man at my time of life； but our family was
never know'd to quale in danger's stormy hour。
My father was a sutler in the Revolootion War。 My father once
had a intervoo with Gin'ral La Fayette。
He asked La Fayette to lend him five dollars； promisin' to pay
him in the Fall； but Lafy said 〃he couldn't see it in those
lamps。〃 Lafy was French； and his knowledge of our langwidge
was a little shaky。
Immejutly on my 'rival here I perceeded to the Spotswood
House； and callin' to my assistans a young man from our town
who writes a good runnin' hand； I put my ortograph on the
Register； and handin' my umbrella to a baldheded man behind
the counter； who I s'posed was Mr。 Spotswood； I said； 〃Spotsy；
how does she run？〃
He called a cullud purson； and said；
〃Show the gen'lman to the cowyard； and giv' him cart number
1。〃
〃Isn't Grant here？〃 I said。 〃Perhaps Ulyssis wouldn't mind my
turnin' in with him。〃
〃Do you know the Gin'ral？〃 inquired Mr。 Spotswood。
〃Wall； no； not 'zacky； but he'll remember me。 His
brother…in…law's Aunt bought her rye meal of my uncle Levi
all one winter。 My uncle Levi's rye meal was〃
〃Pooh！ pooh！〃 said Spotsy； 〃don't bother me；〃 and he shuv'd
my umbrella onto the floor。 Obsravin' to him not to be so
keerless with that wepin； I accompanid the African to my
lodgins。
〃My brother；〃 I sed； 〃air you aware that you've bin
mancipated？ Do you realize how glorus it is to be free？ Tell
me； my dear brother； does it not seem like some dreams； or do
you realize the great fact in all its livin' and holy
magnitood？〃
He sed he would take some gin。
I was show'd to the cowyard and laid down under a one…mule
cart。 The hotel was orful crowded； and I was sorry I hadn't
gone to the Libby Prison。 Tho' I should hav' slept comf'ble
enuff if the bed…clothes hadn't bin pulled off me durin' the
night； by a scoundrul who cum and hitched a mule to the cart
and druv it off。 I thus lost my cuverin'； and my throat feels
a little husky this mornin'。
Gin'ral Hulleck offers me the hospitality of the city； givin
me my choice of hospitals。
He has also very kindly placed at my disposal a smallpox
amboolance。
UNION SENTIMENT。
There is raly a great deal of Union sentiment in this city。 I
see it on ev'ry hand。
I met a man to…dayI am not at liberty to tell his name； but
he is a old and inflooentooial citizen of Richmond； and sez
he； 〃Why！ We've bin fightin' agin the Old Flag！ Lor' bless
me； how sing'lar！〃 He then borrer'd five dollars of me and
bust into a flood of teers。
Sed another （a man of standin' and formerly a bitter rebuel）；
〃Let us at once stop this effooshun of Blud！ The Old Flag is
good en