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Ericson regarded him with some surprise。 Robert hastened to be
honest。
'It's no that I ken onything aboot it； Mr。 Ericson。 I was only
bletherin' （talking nonsense）rizzonin' frae the twa symbols o' the
cloud an' the firekennin' nothing aboot the thing itsel'。 I'll
awa' to the kirk； an' see what it's like。 Will I gie ye a buik
afore I gang？'
'No； thank you。 I'll just lie quiet till you come backif I can。'
Robert instructed Shargar to watch for the slightest sound from the
sick…room； and went to church。
As he approached the granite cathedral； the only one in the world； I
presume； its stern solidity； so like the country and its men； laid
hold of his imagination for the first time。 No doubt the necessity
imposed by the unyielding material had its share； and that a large
one； in the character of the building： whence else that simplest of
west windows； seven lofty； narrow slits of light； parted by granite
shafts of equal width； filling the space between the corner
buttresses of the nave； and reaching from door to roof？ whence else
the absence of tracery in the windowsexcept the severely gracious
curves into which the mullions divide？But this cause could not
have determined those towers； so strong that they might have borne
their granite weight soaring aloft； yet content with the depth of
their foundation； and aspiring not。 The whole aspect of the
building is an outcome； an absolute blossom of the northern nature。
There is but the nave of the church remaining。 About 1680； more
than a century after the Reformation； the great tower fell；
destroying the choir； chancel； and transept； which have never been
rebuilt。 May the reviving faith of the nation in its own history；
and God at the heart of it； lead to the restoration of this grand
old monument of the belief of their fathers。 Deformed as the
interior then was with galleries； and with Gavin Dunbar's flat
ceiling； an awe fell upon Robert as he entered it。 When in after
years he looked down from between the pillars of the gallery； that
creeps round the church through the thickness of the wall； like an
artery； and recalled the service of this Sunday morning； he felt
more strongly than ever that such a faith had not reared that
cathedral。 The service was like the church only as a dead body is
like a man。 There was no fervour in it； no aspiration。 The great
central tower was gone。
That morning prayers and sermon were philosophically dull； and
respectable as any after…dinner speech。 Nor could it well be
otherwise： one of the favourite sayings of its minister was； that a
clergyman is nothing but a moral policeman。 As such； however； he
more resembled one of Dogberry's watch。 He could not even preach
hell with any vigour； for as a gentleman he recoiled from the
vulgarity of the doctrine； yielding only a few feeble words on the
subject as a sop to the Cerberus that watches over the dues of the
Biblequite unaware that his notion of the doctrine had been drawn
from the ？neid； and not from the Bible。
'Well； have you got anything； Robert？' asked Ericson； as he entered
his room。
'Nothing；' answered Robert。
'What was the sermon about？'
'It was all to prove that God is a benevolent being。'
'Not a devil； that is；' answered Ericson。 'Small consolation that。'
'Sma' eneuch；' responded Robert。 'I cudna help thinkin' I kent mony
a tyke （dog） that God had made wi' mair o' what I wad ca' the divine
natur' in him nor a' that Dr。 Soulis made oot to be in God himsel'。
He had no ill intentions wi' usit amuntit to that。 He wasna
ill…willy； as the bairns say。 But the doctor had some sair wark； I
thoucht； to mak that oot； seein' we war a' the children o' wrath；
accordin' to him； born in sin； and inheritin' the guilt o' Adam's
first trespass。 I dinna think Dr。 Soulis cud say that God had dune
the best he cud for 's。 But he never tried to say onything like
that。 He jist made oot that he was a verra respectable kin' o' a
God； though maybe no a'thing we micht wuss。 We oucht to be thankfu'
that he gae's a wee blink o' a chance o' no bein' brunt to a'
eternity； wi' nae chance ava。 I dinna say that he said that； but
that's what it a' seemed to me to come till。 He said a hantle aboot
the care o' Providence； but a' the gude that he did seemed to me to
be but a haudin' aff o' something ill that he had made as weel。 Ye
wad hae thocht the deevil had made the warl'； and syne God had
pitten us intil 't； and jist gied a bit wag o' 's han' whiles to
haud the deevil aff o' 's whan he was like to destroy the breed
a'thegither。 For the grace that he spak aboot； that was less nor
the nature an' the providence。 I cud see unco little o' grace intil
't。'
Here Ericson broke infearful； apparently； lest his boyfriend
should be actually about to deny the God in whom he did not himself
believe。
'Robert；' he said solemnly； 'one thing is certain： if there be a God
at all； he is not like that。 If there be a God at all； we shall
know him by his perfectionhis grand perfect truth； fairness；
lovea love to make life an absolute goodnot a mere accommodation
of difficulties； not a mere preponderance of the balance on the side
of well…being。 Love only could have been able to create。 But they
don't seem jealous for the glory of God； those men。 They don't mind
a speck； or even a blot； here and there upon him。 The world doesn't
make them miserable。 They can get over the misery of their
fellow…men without being troubled about them； or about the God that
could let such things be。7 They represent a God who does wonderfully
well； on the whole； after a middling fashion。 I want a God who
loves perfectly。 He may kill； he may torture even； but if it be for
love's sake； Lord； here am I。 Do with me as thou wilt。'
Had Ericson forgotten that he had no proof of such a God？ The next
moment the intellectual demon was awake。
'But what's the good of it all？' he said。 'I don't even know that
there is anything outside of me。'
'Ye ken that I'm here； Mr。 Ericson；' suggested Robert。
'I know nothing of the sort。 You may be another phantomonly
clearer。'
'Ye speik to me as gin ye thocht me somebody。'
'So does the man to his phantoms； and you call him mad。 It is but a
yielding to the pressure of constant suggestion。 I do not knowI
cannot know if there is anything outside of me。'
'But gin there warna； there wad be naebody for ye to love； Mr。
Ericson。'
'Of course not。'
'Nor naebody to love you； Mr。 Ericson。'
'Of course not。'
'Syne ye wad be yer ain God； Mr。 Ericson。'
'Yes。 That would follow。'
'I canna imagine a waur hellclosed in amo' naethingwi' naething
a' aboot ye； luikin' something a' the timekennin' 'at it 's a' a
lee； and nae able to win clear o' 't。'
'It is hell； my boy； or anything worse you can call it。'
'What for suld ye believe that； than； Mr。 Ericson？ I wadna believe
sic an