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disappointment in my life。'
'I cannot congratulate you upon that;' said Falconer; seriously。
'But if there be a truth or a heart in life; assurance of the fact
can only spring from harmony with that truth。 It is not to be known
save by absolute contact with it; and the sole guide in the
direction of it must be duty: I can imagine no other possible
conductor。 We must do before we can know。'
'Yes; yes;' replied Lady Georgina; hastily; in a tone that implied;
'Of course; of course: we know all about that。' But aware at once;
with the fine instinct belonging to her mental organization; that
she was thus shutting the door against all further communication;
she added instantly: 'But what is one's duty? There is the
question。'
'The thing that lies next you; of course。 You are; and must remain;
the sole judge of that。 Another cannot help you。'
'But that is just what I do not know。'
I interrupt Lady Georgina to remarkfor I too have been a pupil of
Falconerthat I believe she must have suspected what her duty was;
and would not look firmly at her own suspicion。 She added:
'I want direction。'
But the same moment she proceeded to indicate the direction in which
she wanted to be directed; for she went on:
'You know that now…a…days there are so many modes in which to employ
one's time and money that one does not know which to choose。 The
lower strata of society; you know; Mr。 Falconerso many channels!
I want the advice of a man of experience; as to the best
investment; if I may use the expression: I do not mean of money
only; but of time as well。'
'I am not fitted to give advice in such a matter。'
'Mr。 Falconer!'
'I assure you I am not。 I subscribe to no society myselfnot one。'
'Excuse me; but I can hardly believe the rumours I hear of
youpeople will talk; you knoware all inventions。 They say you
are for ever burrowing amongst the poor。 Excuse the phrase。'
'I excuse or accept it; whichever you please。 Whatever I do; I am
my own steward。'
'Then you are just the person to help me! I have a fortune; not
very limited; at my own disposal: a gentleman who is his own
steward; would find his labours merely facilitated by administering
for another as wellsuch labours; I mean。'
'I must beg to be excused; Lady Georgina。 I am accountable only for
my own; and of that I have quite as much as I can properly manage。
It is far more difficult to use money for others than to spend it
for yourself。'
'Ah!' said Lady Georgina; thoughtfully; and cast an involuntary
glance round the untidy room; with its horse…hair furniture; its
ragged array of books on the wall; its side…table littered with
pamphlets he never read; with papers he never printed; with pipes he
smoked by chance turns。 He saw the glance and understood it。
'I am accustomed;' he said; 'to be in such sad places for human
beings to live in; that I sometimes think even this dingy old room
an absolute palace of comfort。But;' he added; checking himself; as
it were; 'I do not see in the least how your proposal would
facilitate an answer to your question。'
'You seem hardly inclined to do me justice;' said Lady Georgina;
with; for the first time; a perceptible; though slight shadow
crossing the disc of her resolution。 'I only meant it;' she went on;
'as a step towards a further proposal; which I think you will allow
looks at least in the direction you have been indicating。'
She paused。
'May I beg of you to state the proposal?' said Falconer。
But Lady Georgina was apparently in some little difficulty as to the
proper form in which to express her object。 At last it appeared in
the cloak of a question。
'Do you require no assistance in your efforts for the elevation of
the lower classes?' she asked。
'I don't make any such efforts;' said Falconer。
Some of my lady…readers will probably be remarking to themselves;
'How disagreeable of him! I can't endure the man。' If they knew
how Falconer had to beware of the forwardness and annoyance of
well…meaning women; they would not dislike him so much。 But
Falconer could be indifferent to much dislike; and therein I know
some men that envy him。
When he saw; however; that Lady Georgina was trying to swallow a
lump in her throat; he hastened to add;
'I have only relations with individualsnone with classes。'
Lady Georgina gathered her failing courage。 'Then there is the more
hope for me;' she said。 'Surely there are things a woman might be
useful in that a man cannot do so wellespecially if she would do
as she was told; Mr。 Falconer?'
He looked at her; inquiring of her whole person what numen abode in
the fane。 She misunderstood the look。
'I could dress very differently; you know。 I will be a sister of
charity; if you like。'
'And wear a uniform?as if the god of another world wanted to make
proselytes or traitors in this! No; Lady Georgina; it was not of a
dress so easily altered that I was thinking; it was of the habit;
the dress of mind; of thought; of feeling。 When you laid aside your
beautiful dress; could you avoid putting on the garment of
condescension; the most unchristian virtue attributed to Deity or
saint? Could youI must be plain with you; Lady Georgina; for this
has nothing to do with the forms of so…called societycould your
temper endure the mortifications of low opposition and
misrepresentation of motive and endwhich; avoid intrusion as you
might; would yet force themselves on your perception? Could you be
rudely; impudently thwarted by the very persons for whom you were
spending your strength and means; and show no resentment? Could you
make allowances for them as for your own brothers and sisters; your
own children?'
Lady Georgina was silent。
'I shall seem to glorify myself; but at that risk I must put the
reality before you。Could you endure the ugliness both moral and
physical which you must meet at every turn? Could you look upon
loathsomeness; not merely without turning away in disgust; and thus
wounding the very heart you would heal; but without losing your
belief in the Fatherhood of God; by losing your faith in the actual
blood…relationship to yourself of these wretched beings? Could you
believe in the immortal essence hidden under all this garbageGod
at the root of it all? How would the delicate senses you probably
inherit receive the intrusions from which they could not protect
themselves? Would you be in no danger of finding personal refuge in
the horrid fancy; that these are but the slimy borders of humanity
where it slides into; and is one with bestiality? I could show you
one fearful baboon…like woman; whose very face makes my nerves
shudder: could you believe that woman might one day become a lady;
beautiful as yourself; and therefore minister to her? Would you not
be tempted; for the sake of your own comfort; if not for the pride
of your own humanity