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robert falconer-第141章

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dinners; and least of all; when Falconer was of the party; who had

been so much taken with Lady Janet's behaviour to the Marquis of

Boarshead; just recorded; that he positively cultivated her

acquaintance thereafter。



Lady Georgina was of an old familyan aged family; indeed; so old;

in fact; that some envious people professed to think it decrepit

with age。  This; however; may well be questioned if any argument

bearing on the point may be drawn from the person of Lady Georgina。

She was at least as tall as Mary St。 John; and very handsomeonly

with somewhat masculine features and expression。  She had very

sloping shoulders and a long neck; which took its finest curves when

she was talking to inferiors: condescension was her forte。  Of the

admiration of the men; she had had more than enough; although either

they were afraid to go farther; or she was hard to please。



She had never contemplated anything admirable long enough to

comprehend it; she had never looked up to man or woman with anything

like reverence; she saw too quickly and too keenly into the foibles

of all who came near her to care to look farther for their virtues。

If she had ever been humbled; and thence taught to look up; she

might by this time have been a grand woman; worthy of a great man's

worship。  She patronized Miss St。 John; considerably to her

amusement; and nothing to her indignation。  Of course she could not

understand her。  She had a vague notion of how she spent her time;

and believing a certain amount of fanaticism essential to religion;

wondered how so sensible and ladylike a person as Miss St。 John

could go in for it。



Meeting Falconer at Lady Janet's; she was taken with him。  Possibly

she recognized in him a strength that would have made him her

master; if he had cared for such a distinction; but nothing she

could say attracted more than a passing attention on his part。

Falconer was out of her sphere; and her influences were powerless

to reach him。



At length she began to have a glimmering of the relation of labour

between Miss St。 John and him; and applied to the former for some

enlightenment。  But Miss St。 John was far from explicit; for she had

no desire for such assistance as Lady Georgina's。  What motives next

led her to seek the interview I am now about to record; I cannot

satisfactorily explain; but I will hazard a conjecture or two;

although I doubt if she understood them thoroughly herself。



She was; if not blasée; at least ennuyée; and began to miss

excitement; and feel blindly about her for something to make life

interesting。  She was gifted with far more capacity than had ever

been exercised; and was of a large enough nature to have grown

sooner weary of trifles than most women of her class。  She might

have been an artist; but she drew like a young lady; she might have

been a prophetess; and Byron was her greatest poet。  It is no wonder

that she wanted something she had not got。



Since she had been foiled in her attempt on Miss St。 John; which she

attributed to jealousy; she had; in quite another circle; heard

strange; wonderful; even romantic stories about Falconer and his

doings among the poor。  A new world seemed to open before her

longing gazea world; or a calenture; a mirage? for would she cross

the 'wandering fields of barren foam;' to reach the green grass that

did wave on the far shore? the dewless desert to reach the fair

water that did lie leagues beyond its pictured sweetness?  But I

think; mingled with whatever motives she may have had; there must

have been some desire to be a nobler; that is a more useful woman

than she had been。



She had not any superabundance of feminine delicacy; though she had

plenty of good…breeding; and she trusted to her position in society

to cover the eccentricity of her present undertaking。



One morning after breakfast she called upon Falconer; and accustomed

to visits from all sorts of people; Mrs。 Ashton showed her into his

sitting…room without even asking her name。  She found him at his

piano; apologized; in her fashionable drawl; for interrupting his

music; and accepted his offer of a chair without a shade of

embarrassment。  Falconer seated himself and sat waiting。



'I fear the step I have taken will appear strange to you; Mr。

Falconer。  Indeed it appears strange to myself。  I am afraid it may

appear stranger still。'



'It is easy for me to leave all judgment in the matter to yourself;

MissI beg your pardon; I know we have met; but for the moment I

cannot recall your name。'



'Lady Georgina Betterton;' drawled the visitor carelessly; hiding

whatever annoyance she may have felt。



Falconer bowed。  Lady Georgina resumed。



'Of course it only affects myself; and I am willing to take the

risk; notwithstanding the natural desire to stand well in the

opinion of any one with whom even my boldness could venture such a

step。'



A smile; intended to be playful; covered the retreat of the

sentence。  Falconer bowed again。  Lady Georgina had yet again to

resume。



'From the little I have seen; and the much I have heard of

youexcuse me; Mr。 FalconerI cannot help thinking that you know

more of the secret of life than other peopleif indeed it has any

secret。'



'Life certainly is no burden to me;' returned Falconer。 'If that

implies the possession of any secret which is not common property; I

fear it also involves a natural doubt whether such secret be

communicable。'



'Of course I mean only some secret everybody ought to know。'



'I do not misunderstand you。'



'I want to live。  You know the world; Mr。 Falconer。  I need not tell

you what kind of life a girl like myself leads。  I am not old; but

the gilding is worn off。  Life looks bare; ugly; uninteresting。  I

ask you to tell me whether there is any reality in it or not;

whether its past glow was only gilt; whether the best that can be

done is to get through with it as fast as possible?'



'Surely your ladyship must know some persons whose very countenances

prove that they have found a reality at the heart of life。'



'Yes。 But none whose judgment I could trust。  I cannot tell how soon

they may find reason to change their minds on the subject。  Their

satisfaction may only be that they have not tried to rub the varnish

off the gilding so much as I; and therefore the gilding itself still

shines a little in their eyes。'



'If it be only gilding; it is better it should be rubbed off。'



'But I am unwilling to think it is。  I am not willing to sign a bond

of farewell to hope。  Life seemed good once。  It is bad enough that

it seems such no longer; without consenting that it must and shall

be so。  Allow me to add; for my own sake; that I speak from the

bitterness of no chagrin。  I have had all I ever caredor

condescended to wish for。  I never had anything worth the name of a

disappointment in my life。'



'I cannot congratulate you upon that;' said Falconer; seriously。

'But 
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