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P。 S。…Don't send the hymn…book； send the money； I want to make the
selection myself。
Carnegie answered：
Nothing less than a two…dollar & a half hymn…book gilt will do for
you。 Your place in the choir （celestial） demands that & you shall
have it。
There's a new Gospel of Saint Mark in the North American which I
like better than anything I've read for many a day。
I am willing to borrow a thousand dollars to distribute that sacred
message in proper form； & if the author don't object may I send that
sum； when I can raise it； to the Anti…Imperialist League； Boston； to
which I am a contributor； the only missionary work I am responsible
for。
Just tell me you are willing & many thousands of the holy little
missals will go forth。 This inimitable satire is to become a
classic。 I count among my privileges in life that I know you； the
author。
Perhaps a few more of the letters invited by Mark Twain's criticism of
missionary work in China may still be of interest to the reader：
Frederick T。 Cook； of the Hospital Saturday and Sunday Association；
wrote： 〃I hail you as the Voltaire of America；。 It is a noble
distinction。 God bless you and see that you weary not in well…doing in
this noblest； sublimest of crusades。〃
Ministers were by no means all against him。 The associate pastor of the
Every…day Church； in Boston； sent this line： 〃I want to thank you for
your matchless article in the current North American。 It must make
converts of well…nigh all who read it。〃
But a Boston school…teacher was angry。 〃I have been reading the North
American；〃 she wrote； 〃and I am filled with shame and remorse that I have
dreamed of asking you to come to Boston to talk to the teachers。〃
On the outside of the envelope Clemens made this pencil note：
〃Now； I suppose I offended that young lady by having an opinion of my
own； instead of waiting and copying hers。 I never thought。 I suppose
she must be as much as twenty…five； and probably the only patriot in the
country。〃
A critic with a sense of humor asked： 〃Please excuse seeming
impertinence； but were you ever adjudged insane？ Be honest。 How much
money does the devil give you for arraigning Christianity and missionary
causes？〃
But there were more of the better sort。 Edward S。 Martin； in a grateful
letter； said： 〃How gratifying it is to feel that we have a man among us
who understands the rarity of the plain truth； and who delights to utter
it； and has the gift of doing so without cant and with not too much
seriousness。〃
Sir Hiram Maxim wrote： 〃I give you my candid opinion that what you have
done is of very great value to the civilization of the world。 There is
no man living whose words carry greater weight than your own； as no one's
writings are so eagerly sought after by all classes。〃
Clemens himself in his note…book set down this aphorism：
〃Do right and you will be conspicuous。〃
CCXV
SUMMER AT 〃THE LAIR〃
In June Clemens took the family to Saranac Lake； to Ampersand。 They
occupied a log cabin which he called 〃The Lair；〃 on the south shore； near
the water's edge； a remote and beautiful place where； as had happened
before； they were so comfortable and satisfied that they hoped to return
another summer。 There were swimming and boating and long walks in the
woods； the worry and noise of the world were far away。 They gave little
enough attention to the mails。 They took only a weekly paper； and were
likely to allow it to lie in the postoffice uncalled for。 Clemens；
especially； loved the place； and wrote to Twichell：
I am on the front porch （lower one…main deck） of our little bijou of
a dwelling…house。 The lake edge （Lower Saranac） is so nearly under
me that I can't see the shore； but only the water； small…poxed with
rain splashesfor there is a heavy down pour。 It is charmingly
like sitting snuggled up on a ship's deck with the stretching sea
all around but very much more satisfactory； for at sea a rainstorm
is depressing； while here of course the effect engendered is just a
deep sense of comfort & contentment。 The heavy forest shuts us
solidly in on three sidesthere are no neighbors。 There are
beautiful little tan…colored impudent squirrels about。 They take
tea 5 P。M。 （not invited） at the table in the woods where Jean does
my typewriting； & one of them has been brave enough to sit upon
Jean's knee with his tail curved over his back & munch his food。
They come to dinner 7 P。M。 on the front porch （not invited）； but
Clara drives them away。 It is an occupation which requires some
industry & attention to business。 They all have the one name…
Blennerhasset； from Burr's friend& none of them answers to it
except when hungry。
Clemens could work at 〃The Lair；〃 often writing in shady seclusions along
the shore； and he finished there the two…part serial；＇ Published in
Harper's Magazine for January and February； 1902。＇ 〃The Double…
Barrelled Detective Story；〃 intended originally as a burlesque on
Sherlock Holmes。 It did not altogether fulfil its purpose； and is hardly
to be ranked as one of Mark Twain's successes。 It contains； however； one
paragraph at least by which it is likely to be remembered； a hoaxhis
last oneon the reader。 It runs as follows：
It was a crisp and spicy morning in early October。 The lilacs and
laburnums； lit with the glory…fires of autumn； hung burning and
flashing in the upper air； a fairy bridge provided by kind nature
for the wingless wild things that have their home in the tree…tops
and would visit together； the larch and the pomegranate flung their
purple and yellow flames in brilliant broad splashes along the
slanting sweep of woodland； the sensuous fragrance of innumerable
deciduous flowers rose upon the swooning atmosphere； far in the
empty sky a solitary oesophagus slept upon motionless wing；
everywhere brooded stillness； serenity； and the peace of God。
The warm light and luxury of this paragraph are factitious。 The careful
reader will； note that its various accessories are ridiculously
associated； and only the most careless reader will accept the oesophagus
as a bird。 But it disturbed a great many admirers； and numerous letters
of inquiry came wanting to know what it was all about。 Some suspected
the joke and taunted him with it； one such correspondent wrote：
MY DEAR MARK TWAIN；Reading your 〃Double…Barrelled Detective Story〃
in the January Harper's late one night I came to the paragraph where
you so beautifully describe 〃a crisp and spicy morning in early
October。〃 I read along down the paragraph； conscious only of its
woozy sound； until I brought up with a start against your oesophagus
in the empty sky。 Then I read the paragraph again。 Oh； Mark Twain！
Mark Twain！ How could you do it？ Put a trap like that into the
midst of a tragical story？ Do serenity and peace brood over you
after you have done such a thing？
Who lit the lilacs； and which end up d