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invited； never expected gratitude。
One wonders how he found time to do all the things that he did。 Besides
his legitimate literary labors and his preachments； he was always writing
letters to this one and that； long letters on a variety of subjects；
carefully and picturesquely phrased； and to people of every sort。 He
even formed a curious society； whose members were young girlsone in
each country of the earth。 They were supposed to write to him at
intervals on some subject likely to be of mutual interest； to which
letters he agreed to reply。 He furnished each member with a typewritten
copy of the constitution and by…laws of the juggernaut Club； as he called
it； and he apprised each of her election； usually after this fashion：
I have a cluba private club； which is all my own。 I appoint the
members myself； & they can't help themselves； because I don't allow
them to vote on their own appointment & I don't allow them to
resign！ They are all friends whom I have never seen （save one）； but
who have written friendly letters to me。 By the laws of my club
there can be only one member in each country； & there can be no male
member but myself。 Some day I may admit males； but I don't know…
they are capricious & inharmonious； & their ways provoke me a good
deal。 It is a matter； which the club shall decide。 I have made
four appointments in the past three or four months： You as a member
for Scotlandoh； this good while！； a young citizeness of Joan of
Arc's home region as a member for France； a Mohammedan girl as
member for Bengal； & a dear & bright young niece of mine as member
for the United Statesfor I do not represent a country myself； but
am merely member…at…large for the human race。 You must not try to
resign； for the laws of the club do not allow that。 You must
console yourself by remembering that you are in the best company；
that nobody knows of your membership except yourself； that no member
knows another's name； but only her country； that no taxes are levied
and no meetings held （but how dearly I should like to attend one！）。
One of my members is a princess of a royal house； another is the
daughter of a village bookseller on the continent of Europe； for the
only qualification for membership is intellect & the spirit of good…
will； other distinctions； hereditary or acquired； do not count。 May
I send you the constitution & laws of the club？ I shall be so glad
if I may。
It was just one of his many fancies； and most of the active memberships
would not long be maintained； though some continued faithful in their
reports； as he did in his replies； to the end。
One of the more fantastic of his conceptions was a plan to advertise for
ante…mortem obituaries of himselfin order； as he said； that he might
look them over and enjoy them and make certain corrections in the matter
of detail。 Some of them he thought might be appropriate to read from the
platform。
I will correct themnot the facts； but the verdictsstriking out
such clauses as could have a deleterious influence on the other
side； and replacing them with clauses of a more judicious character。
He was much taken with the new idea； and his request for such obituaries；
with an offer of a prize for the besta portrait of himself drawn by his
own handreally appeared in Harper's Weekly later in the year。
Naturally he got a shower of responsesserious； playful； burlesque。
Some of them were quite worth while。
The obvious 〃Death loves a shining Mark〃 was of course numerously
duplicated； and some varied it 〃Death loves an Easy Mark；〃 and there was
〃Mark； the perfect man。〃
The two that follow gave him especial pleasure。
OBITUARY FOR 〃MARK TWAIN〃
Worthy of his portrait； a place on his monument； as well as a place
among his 〃perennial…consolation heirlooms〃：
〃Got up； washed； went to bed。〃
The subject's own words （see Innocents Abroad）。 Can't go back on
your own words； Mark Twain。 There's nothing 〃to strike out〃；
nothing 〃to replace。〃 What more could be said of any one？
〃Got up！〃Think of the fullness of meaning！ The possibilities of
life； its achievementsphysical； intellectual； spiritual。 Got up
to the top！the climax of human aspiration on earth！
〃Washed〃Every whit clean； purifiedbody； soul； thoughts；
purposes。
〃Went to bed〃Work all doneto rest； to sleep。 The culmination of
the day well spent！
God looks after the awakening。
Mrs。 S。 A。 OREN…HAYNES。
Mark Twain was the only man who ever lived； so far as we know； whose
lies were so innocent； and withal so helpful； as to make them worth
more than a whole lot of fossilized priests' eternal truths。
D。 H。 KENNER。
CCXIX
YACHTING AND THEOLOGY
Clemens made fewer speeches during the Riverdale period。 He was as
frequently demanded； but he had a better excuse for refusing； especially
the evening functions。 He attended a good many luncheons with friendly
spirits like Howells； Matthews； James L。 Ford； and Hamlin Garland。 At
the end of February he came down to the Mayor's dinner given to Prince
Henry of Prussia； but he did not speak。 Clemens used to say afterward
that he had not been asked to speak； and that it was probably because of
his supposed breach of etiquette at the Kaiser's dinner in Berlin； but
the fact that Prince Henry sought him out； and was most cordially and
humanly attentive during a considerable portion of the evening； is
against the supposition。
Clemens attended a Yale alumni dinner that winter and incidentally
visited Twichell in Hartford。 The old question of moral responsibility
came up and Twichell lent his visitor a copy of Jonathan Edwards's
'Freedom of the Will' for train perusal。 Clemens found it absorbing。
Later he wrote Twichell his views。
DEAR JOE；（After compliments。）＇Meaning 〃What a good time you gave
me； what a happiness it was to be under your roof again；〃 etc。 See
opening sentence of all translations of letters passing between Lord
Roberts and Indian princes and rulers。＇ From Bridgeport to New
York； thence to home； & continuously until near midnight I wallowed
& reeked with Jonathan in his insane debauch； rose immensely
refreshed & fine at ten this morning； but with a strange & haunting
sense of having been on a three days' tear with a drunken lunatic。
It is years since I have known these sensations。 All through the
book is the glare of a resplendent intellect gone mada marvelous
spectacle。 No； not all through the book
the drunk does not come on till the last third； where what I take
to be Calvinism & its God begins to show up & shine red & hideous in
the glow from the fires of hell； their only right and proper
adornment。
Jonathan seems to hold （as against the Armenian position） that the
man （or his soul or his will） never creates