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Satan。 Banner with motto； 〃Get What You Can； Keep What You Get。〃
Guard of HonorMonarchs； Presidents； Tammany Bosses； Burglars； Land
Thieves； Convicts； etc。； appropriately clothed and bearing the
symbols of their several trades。
Christendom
A majestic matron in flowing robes drenched with blood。 On her head
a golden crown of thorns； impaled on its spines the bleeding heads
of patriots who died for their countries Boers； Boxers； Filipinos；
in one hand a slung…shot； in the other a Bible； open at the text 〃Do
unto others；〃 etc。 Protruding from pocket bottle labeled 〃We bring
you the blessings of civilization。〃 Necklace…handcuffs and a
burglar's jimmy。
SupportersAt one elbow Slaughter； at the other Hypocrisy。
Banner with motto〃Love Your Neighbor's Goods as Yourself。〃
EnsignThe Black Flag。
Guard of HonorMissionaries and German； French； Russian； and
British soldiers laden with loot。
And so on； with a section for each nation of the earth； headed each by
the black flag； each bearing horrid emblems； instruments of torture；
mutilated prisoners； broken hearts； floats piled with bloody corpses。 At
the end of all； banners inscribed：
〃All White Men are Born Free and Equal。〃
〃Christ died to make men holy；
Christ died to make men free。〃
with the American flag furled and draped in crepe； and the shade of
Lincoln towering vast and dim toward the sky； brooding with sorrowful
aspect over the far…reaching pageant。 With much more of the same sort。
It is a fearful document； too fearful； we may believe； for Mrs。 Clemens
ever to consent to its publication。
Advancing years did little toward destroying Mark Twain's interest in
human affairs。 At no time in his life was he more variously concerned
and employed than in his sixty…seventh yearmatters social； literary；
political； religious； financial； scientific。 He was always alive； young；
actively cultivating or devising interestsvaluable and otherwise；
though never less than important to him。
He had plenty of money again； for one thing； and he liked to find
dazzlingly new ways for investing it。 As in the old days； he was always
putting 〃twenty…five or forty thousand dollars；〃 as he said； into
something that promised multiplied returns。 Howells tells how he found
him looking wonderfully well； and when he asked the name of his elixir he
learned that it was plasmon。
I did not immediately understand that plasmon was one of the
investments which he had made from 〃the substance of things hoped
for；〃 and in the destiny of a disastrous disappointment。 But after
paying off the creditors of his late publishing firm he had to do
something with his money； and it was not his fault if he did not
make a fortune out of plasmon。
It was just at this period （the beginning of 1902） that he was promoting
with his capital and enthusiasm the plasmon interests in America；
investing in it one of the 〃usual amounts；〃 promising to make Howells
over again body and soul with the life…giving albuminate。 Once he wrote
him explicit instructions：
Yestake it as a medicinethere is nothing better； nothing surer
of desired results。 If you wish to be elaboratewhich isn't
necessaryput a couple of heaping teaspoonfuls of the powder in an
inch of milk & stir until it is a paste； put in some more milk and
stir the paste to a thin gruel； then fill up the glass and drink。
Or； stir it into your soup。
Or； into your oatmeal。
Or； use any method you like； so's you get it downthat is the only
essential。
He put another 〃usual sum〃 about this time in a patent cash register
which was acknowledged to be 〃a promise rather than a performance；〃 and
remains so until this day。
He capitalized a patent spiral hat…pin； warranted to hold the hat on in
any weather； and he had a number of the pins handsomely made to present
to visitors of the sex naturally requiring that sort of adornment and
protection。 It was a pretty and ingenious device and apparently
effective enough； though it failed to secure his invested thousands。
He invested a lesser sum in shares of the Booklover's Library； which was
going to revolutionize the reading world； and which at least paid a few
dividends。 Even the old Tennessee land will…o'…the…wisp…long since
repudiated and forgottenwhen it appeared again in the form of a
possible equity in some overlooked fragment； kindled a gentle interest；
and was added to his list of ventures。
He made one substantial investment at this period。 They became more and
more in love with the Hudson environment； its beauty and its easy access
to New York。 Their house was what they liked it to bea gathering
place for friends and the world's notables； who could reach it easily and
quickly from New York。 They had a steady procession of company when Mrs。
Clemens's health would permit； and during a single week in the early part
of this year entertained guests at no less than seventeen out of their
twenty…one meals； and for three out of the seven nightsnot an unusual
week。 Their plan for buying a home on the Hudson ended with the purchase
of what was known as Hillcrest； or the Casey place； at Tarrytown；
overlooking that beautiful stretch of river； the Tappan Zee； close to the
Washington Irving home。 The beauty of its outlook and surroundings
appealed to them all。 The house was handsome and finely placed； and they
planned to make certain changes that would adapt it to their needs。 The
price； which was less than fifty thousand dollars； made it an attractive
purchase； and without doubt it would have made them a suitable and happy
home had it been written in the future that they should so inherit it。
Clemens was writing pretty steadily these days。 The human race was
furnishing him with ever so many inspiring subjects； and he found time to
touch more or less on most of them。 He wreaked his indignation upon the
things which exasperated him ofteneven usuallywithout the expectation
of print； and he delivered himself even more inclusively at such times as
he walked the floor between the luncheon or dinner courses； amplifying on
the poverty of an invention that had produced mankind as a supreme
handiwork。 In a letter to Howells he wrote：
Your comments on that idiot's 〃Ideals〃 letter reminds me that I preached
a good sermon to my family yesterday on his particular layer of the human
race； that grotesquest of all the inventions of the Creator。 It was a
good sermon； but coldly received； & it seemed best not to try to take up
a collection。
He once told Howells； with the wild joy of his boyish heart； how Mrs。
Clemens found some compensation； when kept to her room by illness； in the
reflection that now she would not hear so much about the 〃damned human
race。〃
Yet he was always the first man to champion that race； and the more
unpromising the specimen the surer it was of his protection； and he never
invited； never expected gratitude。
One wonders how he found time to do all the things th