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Directors have engaged that famous old champion to be chief
conductor on the railroad？〃
〃Why； no；〃 said Mr。 Smooth…it…away； with a dry cough。 〃He was
offered the situation of brake…man； but； to tell you the truth； our
friend Great…heart has grown preposterously stiff and narrow in his
old age。 He has so often guided pilgrims over the road； on foot；
that he considers it a sin to travel in any other fashion。 Besides；
the old fellow had entered so heartily into the ancient feud with
Prince Beelzebub； that he would have been perpetually at blows or
ill language with some of the Prince's subjects； and thus have
embroiled us anew。 So； on the whole； we were not sorry when honest
Great…heart went off to the Celestial City in a huff； and left us at
liberty to choose a more suitable and accommodating man。 Yonder
comes the conductor of the train。 You will probably recognize him at
once。〃
The engine at this moment took its station in advance of the
cars； looking； I must confess； much more like a sort of mechanical
demon that would hurry us to the infernal regions； than a laudable
contrivance for smoothing our way to the Celestial City。 On its top
sat a personage almost enveloped in smoke and flame； which… not to
startle the reader… appeared to gush from his own mouth and stomach；
as well as from the engine's brazen abdomen。
〃Do my eyes deceive me？〃 cried I。 〃What on earth is this！ A
living creature？ If so； he is own brother to the engine he rides
upon！〃
〃Poh； poh； you are obtuse！〃 said Mr。 Smooth…it…away； with a
hearty laugh。 〃Don't you know Apollyon； Christian's old enemy； with
whom he fought so fierce a battle in the Valley of Humiliation？ He was
the very fellow to manage the engine； and so we have reconciled him to
the custom of going on pilgrimage； and engaged him as chief
conductor。〃
〃Bravo； bravo！〃 exclaimed I； with irrepressible enthusiasm； 〃this
shows the liberality of the age； this proves； if anything can； that
all musty prejudices are in a fair way to be obliterated。 And how will
Christian rejoice to hear of this happy transformation of his old
antagonist！ I promise myself great pleasure in informing him of it；
when we reach the Celestial City。〃
The passengers being all comfortably seated； we now rattled away
merrily； accomplishing a greater distance in ten minutes than
Christian probably trudged over in a day。 It was laughable while we
glanced along； as it were； at the tail of a thunderbolt； to observe
two dusty foot…travellers； in the old pilgrim…guise； with cockle…shell
and staff； their mystic rolls of parchment in their hands； and their
intolerable burthens on their backs。 The preposterous obstinacy of
these honest people； in persisting to groan and stumble along the
difficult pathway； rather than take advantage of modern
improvements； excited great mirth among our wiser brotherhood。 We
greeted the two pilgrims with many pleasant gibes and a roar of
laughter； whereupon； they gazed at us with such woful and absurdly
compassionate visages； that our merriment grew tenfold more
obstreperous。 Apollyon； also； entered heartily into the fun； and
contrived to flirt the smoke and flame of the engine； or of his own
breath； into their faces； and envelope them in an atmosphere of
scalding steam。 These little practical jokes amused us mightily； and
doubtless afforded the pilgrims the gratification of considering
themselves martyrs。
At some distance from the railroad； Mr。 Smooth…it…away pointed to a
large； antique edifice； which； he observed； was a tavern of long
standing； and had formerly been a noted stopping…place for pilgrims。
In Bunyan's road…book it is mentioned as the Interpreter's House。
〃I have long had a curiosity to visit that old mansion；〃 remarked
I。
〃It is not one of our stations； as you perceive；〃 said my
companion。 〃The keeper was violently opposed to the railroad； and well
he might be； as the track left his house of entertainment on one side；
and thus was pretty certain to deprive him of all his reputable
customers。 But the foot…path still passes his door； and the old
gentleman now and then receives a call from some simple traveller； and
entertains him with fare as old…fashioned as himself。〃
Before our talk on this subject came to a conclusion； we were
rushing by the place where Christian's burthen fell from his
shoulders； at the sight of the Cross。 This served as a theme for Mr。
Smooth…it…away； Mr。 Live…for…the…world； Mr。 Hide…sin…in…the…heart； Mr。
Scaly…conscience； and a knot of gentlemen from the town of
Shun…repentance； to descant upon the inestimable advantages
resulting from the safety of our baggage。 Myself； and all the
passengers indeed； joined with great unanimity in this view of the
matter； for our burthens were rich in many things esteemed precious
throughout the world； and especially； we each of us possessed a
great variety of favorite Habits； which we trusted would not be out of
fashion； even in the polite circles of the Celestial City。 It would
have been a sad spectacle to see such an assortment of valuable
articles tumbling into the sepulchre。 Thus pleasantly conversing on
the favorable circumstances of our position； as compared with those of
past pilgrims； and of narrow…minded ones at the present day； we soon
found ourselves at the foot of the Hill Difficulty。 Through the very
heart of this rocky mountain a tunnel has been constructed； of most
admirable architecture； with a lofty arch and a spacious double…track；
so that； unless the earth and rocks should chance to crumble down；
it will remain an eternal monument of the builder's skill and
enterprise。 It is a great though incidental advantage； that the
materials from the heart of the Hill Difficulty have been employed
in filling up the Valley of Humiliation； thus obviating the
necessity of descending into that disagreeable and unwholesome hollow。
〃This is a wonderful improvement； indeed；〃 said I。 〃Yet I should
have been glad of an opportunity to visit the Palace Beautiful； and be
introduced to the charming young ladies… Miss Prudence； Miss Piety；
Miss Charity； and the rest… who have the kindness to entertain
pilgrims there。〃
〃Young ladies！〃 cried Mr。 Smooth…it…away； as soon as he could speak
for laughing。 〃And charming young ladies！ Why； my dear fellow； they
are old maids； every soul of them… prim； starched； dry； and angular…
and not one of them； I will venture to say； has altered so much as the
fashion of her gown； since the days of Christian's pilgrimage。〃
〃Ah； well； said I； much comforted； 〃then I can very readily
dispense with their acquaintance。〃
The respectable Apollyon was now putting on the steam at a
prodigious rate； anxious； perhaps； to get rid of the unpleasant
reminiscences connected with the spot where he had so disastrously
encountered Christian。 Consulting Mr。 Bunyan's road…book； I
perceived that we must now be within a few miles of the Valley of
the Shadow of Death； into which doleful region； at our present
speed； we should plunge much sooner than seemed at all desirable。 In
truth；