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little lad； what possesses you？〃 I might have killed her； but at the
word 〃Monsieur！〃 hot tears fell from my eyes。 I was petrified by a
glance of saintly anger； by a noble face crowned with a diadem of
golden hair in harmony with the shoulders I adored。 The crimson of
offended modesty glowed on her cheeks； though already it was appeased
by the pardoning instinct of a woman who comprehends a frenzy which
she inspires； and divines the infinite adoration of those repentant
tears。 She moved away with the step and carriage of a queen。
I then felt the ridicule of my position； for the first time I realized
that I was dressed like the monkey of a barrel organ。 I was ashamed。
There I stood； stupefied；tasting the fruit that I had stolen；
conscious of the warmth upon my lips； repenting not； and following
with my eyes the woman who had come down to me from heaven。 Sick with
the first fever of the heart I wandered through the rooms； unable to
find mine Unknown； until at last I went home to bed； another man。
A new soul； a soul with rainbow wings； had burst its chrysalis。
Descending from the azure wastes where I had long admired her； my star
had come to me a woman； with undiminished lustre and purity。 I loved；
knowing naught of love。 How strange a thing； this first irruption of
the keenest human emotion in the heart of a man！ I had seen pretty
women in other places； but none had made the slightest impression upon
me。 Can there be an appointed hour； a conjunction of stars； a union of
circumstances； a certain woman among all others to awaken an exclusive
passion at the period of life when love includes the whole sex？
The thought that my Elect lived in Touraine made the air I breathed
delicious； the blue of the sky seemed bluer than I had ever yet seen
it。 I raved internally； but externally I was seriously ill； and my
mother had fears； not unmingled with remorse。 Like animals who know
when danger is near； I hid myself away in the garden to think of the
kiss that I had stolen。 A few days after this memorable ball my mother
attributed my neglect of study； my indifference to her tyrannical
looks and sarcasms； and my gloomy behavior to the condition of my
health。 The country； that perpetual remedy for ills that doctors
cannot cure； seemed to her the best means of bringing me out of my
apathy。 She decided that I should spend a few weeks at Frapesle； a
chateau on the Indre midway between Montbazon and Azay…le…Rideau；
which belonged to a friend of hers； to whom； no doubt； she gave
private instructions。
By the day when I thus for the first time gained my liberty I had swum
so vigorously in Love's ocean that I had well…nigh crossed it。 I knew
nothing of mine unknown lady； neither her name； nor where to find her；
to whom； indeed； could I speak of her？ My sensitive nature so
exaggerated the inexplicable fears which beset all youthful hearts at
the first approach of love that I began with the melancholy which
often ends a hopeless passion。 I asked nothing better than to roam
about the country； to come and go and live in the fields。 With the
courage of a child that fears no failure； in which there is something
really chivalrous； I determined to search every chateau in Touraine；
travelling on foot； and saying to myself as each old tower came in
sight； 〃She is there！〃
Accordingly； of a Thursday morning I left Tours by the barrier of
Saint…Eloy； crossed the bridges of Saint…Sauveur； reached Poncher
whose every house I examined； and took the road to Chinon。 For the
first time in my life I could sit down under a tree or walk fast or
slow as I pleased without being dictated to by any one。 To a poor lad
crushed under all sorts of despotism （which more or less does weigh
upon all youth） the first employment of freedom； even though it be
expended upon nothing； lifts the soul with irrepressible buoyancy。
Several reasons combined to make that day one of enchantment。 During
my school years I had never been taken to walk more than two or three
miles from a city； yet there remained in my mind among the earliest
recollections of my childhood that feeling for the beautiful which the
scenery about Tours inspires。 Though quite untaught as to the poetry
of such a landscape； I was； unknown to myself； critical upon it； like
those who imagine the ideal of art without knowing anything of its
practice。
To reach the chateau of Frapesle； foot…passengers； or those on
horseback； shorten the way by crossing the Charlemagne moors；
uncultivated tracts of land lying on the summit of the plateau which
separates the valley of the Cher from that of the Indre； and over
which there is a cross…road leading to Champy。 These moors are flat
and sandy； and for more than three miles are dreary enough until you
reach； through a clump of woods； the road to Sache； the name of the
township in which Frapesle stands。 This road； which joins that of
Chinon beyond Ballan； skirts an undulating plain to the little hamlet
of Artanne。 Here we come upon a valley； which begins at Montbazon；
ends at the Loire； and seems to rise and fall；to bound； as it were；
beneath the chateaus placed on its double hillsides；a splendid
emerald cup； in the depths of which flow the serpentine lines of the
river Indre。 I gazed at this scene with ineffable delight； for which
the gloomy moor…land and the fatigue of the sandy walk had prepared
me。
〃If that woman； the flower of her sex； does indeed inhabit this earth；
she is here； on this spot。〃
Thus musing； I leaned against a walnut…tree； beneath which I have
rested from that day to this whenever I return to my dear valley。
Beneath that tree； the confidant of my thoughts； I ask myself what
changes there are in me since last I stood there。
My heart deceived me notshe lived there； the first castle that I saw
on the slope of a hill was the dwelling that held her。 As I sat
beneath my nut…tree； the mid…day sun was sparkling on the slates of
her roof and the panes of her windows。 Her cambric dress made the
white line which I saw among the vines of an arbor。 She was； as you
know already without as yet knowing anything； the Lily of this valley；
where she grew for heaven； filling it with the fragrance of her
virtues。 Love； infinite love； without other sustenance than the
vision； dimly seen； of which my soul was full； was there； expressed to
me by that long ribbon of water flowing in the sunshine between the
grass…green banks； by the lines of the poplars adorning with their
mobile laces that vale of love； by the oak…woods coming down between
the vineyards to the shore； which the river curved and rounded as it
chose； and by those dim varying horizons as they fled confusedly away。
If you would see nature beautiful and virgin as a bride； go there of a
spring morning。 If you would still the bleeding wounds of your heart；
return in the last days of autumn。 In the spring； Love beats his wings
beneath the broad blue sky； in the autumn； we think of those who are
no more。 The lungs diseased breathe in a blessed purity； the eyes will
rest on golden copses which impart to the soul their peaceful
stillness。 At this moment； when I stood there for the first time； the
mills upon the brook