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who are your peers and who your judges？ Horrified by the thoughts that
rose within me； and demanding； like the wicked man； 〃Where is now thy
God？〃 I could not restrain the tears that rolled down my cheeks。
〃What is it； dear Felix？〃 said Madeleine in her childish voice。
Then Henriette put to flight these dark horrors of the mind by a look
of tender solicitude which shone into my soul like a sunbeam。 Just
then the old huntsman brought me a letter from Tours； at sight of
which I made a sudden cry of surprise； which made Madame de Mortsauf
tremble。 I saw the king's signet and knew it contained my recall。 I
gave her the letter and she read it at a glance。
〃What will become of me？〃 she murmured； beholding her desert sunless。
We fell into a stupor of thought which oppressed us equally； never had
we felt more strongly how necessary we were to one another。 The
countess； even when she spoke indifferently of other things； seemed to
have a new voice； as if the instrument had lost some chords and others
were out of tune。 Her movements were apathetic； her eyes without
light。 I begged her to tell me her thoughts。
〃Have I any？〃 she replied in a dazed way。
She drew me into her chamber； made me sit upon the sofa； took a
package from the drawer of her dressing…table； and knelt before me；
saying： 〃This hair has fallen from my head during the last year； take
it； it is yours； you will some day know how and why。〃
Slowly I bent to meet her brow； and she did not avoid my lips。 I
kissed her sacredly； without unworthy passion； without one impure
impulse； but solemnly； with tenderness。 Was she willing to make the
sacrifice； or did she merely come； as I did once； to the verge of the
precipice？ If love were leading her to give herself could she have
worn that calm； that holy look； would she have asked； in that pure
voice of hers； 〃You are not angry with me； are you？〃
I left that evening； she wished to accompany me on the road to
Frapesle； and we stopped under my walnut…tree。 I showed it to her； and
told her how I had first seen her four years earlier from that spot。
〃The valley was so beautiful then！〃 I cried。
〃And now？〃 she said quickly。
〃You are beneath my tree； and the valley is ours！〃
She bowed her head and that was our farewell； she got into her
carriage with Madeleine； and I into mine alone。
On my return to Paris I was absorbed in pressing business which took
all my time and kept me out of society； which for a while forgot me。 I
corresponded with Madame de Mortsauf； and sent her my journal once a
week。 She answered twice a month。 It was a life of solitude yet
teeming； like those sequestered spots； blooming unknown； which I had
sometimes found in the depths of woods when gathering the flowers for
my poems。
Oh； you who love！ take these obligations on you； accept these daily
duties； like those the Church imposes upon Christians。 The rigorous
observances of the Roman faith contain a great idea； they plough the
furrow of duty in the soul by the daily repetition of acts which keep
alive the sense of hope and fear。 Sentiments flow clearer in furrowed
channels which purify their stream； they refresh the heart； they
fertilize the life from the abundant treasures of a hidden faith； the
source divine in which the single thought of a single love is
multiplied indefinitely。
My love； an echo of the Middle Ages and of chivalry； was known； I know
not how； possibly the king and the Duc de Lenoncourt had spoken of it。
From that upper sphere the romantic yet simple story of a young man
piously adoring a beautiful woman remote from the world； noble in her
solitude； faithful without support to duty； spread； no doubt quickly；
through the faubourg St。 Germain。 In the salons I was the object of
embarrassing notice； for retired life has advantages which if once
experienced make the burden of a constant social intercourse
insupportable。 Certain minds are painfully affected by violent
contrasts； just as eyes accustomed to soft colors are hurt by glaring
light。 This was my condition then； you may be surprised at it now； but
have patience； the inconsistencies of the Vandenesse of to…day will be
explained to you。
I found society courteous and women most kind。 After the marriage of
the Duc de Berry the court resumed its former splendor and the glory
of the French fetes revived。 The Allied occupation was over；
prosperity reappeared； enjoyments were again possible。 Noted
personages； illustrious by rank； prominent by fortune； came from all
parts of Europe to the capital of the intellect； where the merits and
the vices of other countries were found magnified and whetted by the
charms of French intellect。
Five months after leaving Clochegourde my good angel wrote me； in the
middle of the winter； a despairing letter； telling me of the serious
illness of her son。 He was then out of danger； but there were many
fears for the future； the doctor said that precautions were necessary
for his lungsthe suggestion of a terrible idea which had put the
mother's heart in mourning。 Hardly had Jacques begun to convalesce；
and she could breathe again； when Madeleine made them all uneasy。 That
pretty plant； whose bloom had lately rewarded the mother's culture；
was now frail and pallid and anemic。 The countess； worn…out by
Jacques' long illness； found no courage； she said； to bear this
additional blow； and the ever present spectacle of these two dear
failing creatures made her insensible to the redoubled torment of her
husband's temper。 Thus the storms were again raging； tearing up by the
roots the hopes that were planted deepest in her bosom。 She was now at
the mercy of the count； weary of the struggle； she allowed him to
regain all the ground he had lost。
〃When all my strength is employed in caring for my children；〃 she
wrote； 〃how is it possible to employ it against Monsieur de Mortsauf；
how can I struggle against his aggressions when I am fighting against
death？ Standing here to…day； alone and much enfeebled； between these
two young images of mournful fate； I am overpowered with disgust；
invincible disgust for life。 What blow can I feel； to what affection
can I answer； when I see Jacques motionless on the terrace； scarcely a
sign of life about him； except in those dear eyes； large by
emaciation； hollow as those of an old man and； oh； fatal sign； full of
precocious intelligence contrasting with his physical debility。 When I
look at my pretty Madeleine； once so gay； so caressing； so blooming；
now white as death； her very hair and eyes seem to me to have paled；
she turns a languishing look upon me as if bidding me farewell；
nothing rouses her； nothing tempts her。 In spite of all my efforts I
cannot amuse my children； they smile at me； but their smile is only in
answer to my endearments； it does not come from them。 They weep
because they have no strength to play with me。 Suffering has enfeebled
their whole being； it has loosened even the ties that bound them to
me。
〃Thus you can well believe that Clochegourde is very sad。 Monsieur de
Mortsauf now rules everythingOh my friend！ you； my glory！〃 she
wrote； farther on； 〃you must indeed love me well to love me still； to