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verted boys'； these being the companions with whom I had full permission to bathe and boat。 She urged my Father to complete my holy vocation by some definite step； by which he would dedicate me completely to the Lord's service。 Further schooling she thought needless； and merely likely to foster intellectual pride。 Mr。 Paget； she remarked； had troubled very little in his youth about worldly knowledge； and yet how blessed he had been in the conversion of souls until he had incurred the displeasure of the Holy Ghost！
I do not know exactly what she wanted my Father to do with me； perhaps she did not know herself； she was meddlesome； ignorant and fanatical； and she liked to fancy that she was exercising influence。 But the wonderful； the inexplicable thing is that my Father；who； with all his limitations； was so distinguished and high…minded；should listen to her for a moment； and still more wonderful is it that he really allowed her； grim vixen that she was； to disturb his plans and retard his purposes。 I think the explanation lay in the perfectly logical position she took up。 My Father found himself brought face to face at last； not with a disciple； but with a trained expert in his own peculiar scheme of religion。 At every point she was armed with arguments the source of which he knew and the validity of which he recognized。 He trembled before Mrs。 Paget as a man in a dream may tremble before a parody of his own central self； and he could not blame her without laying himself open somewhere to censure。
But my stepmother's instincts were more primitive and her actions less wire…drawn than my Father's。 She disliked Mrs。 Paget as much as one earnest believer can bring herself to dislike a sister in the Lord。 My stepmother had quietly devoted herself to what she thought the best way of bringing me up； and she did not propose now to be thwarted by the wife of a lunatic Baptist。 At this time I was a mixture of childishness and priggishness； of curious knowledge and dense ignorance。 Certain portions of my intellect were growing with unwholesome activity； while others were stunted； or had never stirred at all。 I was like a plant on which a pot has been placed； with the effect that the centre is crushed and arrested； while shoots are straggling up to the light on all sides。 My Father himself was aware of this； and in a spasmodic way he wished to regulate my thoughts。 But all he did was to try to straighten the shoots； without removing the pot which kept them resolutely down。
It was my stepmother who decided that I was now old enough to go to boarding…school； and my Father； having discovered that an elderly couple of Plymouth Brethren kept an 'academy for young gentlemen' in a neighbouring seaport town；in the prospectus of which the knowledge and love of the Lord were mentioned as occupying the attention of the headmaster and his assistants far more closely than any mere considerations of worldly tuition；was persuaded to entrust me to its care。 He stipulated； however； that I should always come home from Saturday night to Monday morning； not； as he said； that I might receive any carnal indulgence； but that there might be no cessation of my communion as a believer with the Saints in our village on Sundays。 To this school； therefore； I presently departed； gawky and homesick； and the rift between my soul and that of my Father widened a little more。
CHAPTER XII
LITTLE boys from quiet； pious households； commonly found； in those days； a chasm yawning at the feet of their inexperience when they arrived at Boarding…school。 But the fact that I still slept at home on Saturday and Sunday nights preserved me； I fancy； from many surprises。 There was a crisis； but it was broad and slow for me。 On the other hand； for my Father I am inclined to think that it was definite and sharp。 Permission for me to desert the parental hearth； even for five days in certain weeks； was tantamount； in his mind； to admitting that the great scheme； so long caressed； so passionately fostered； must in its primitive bigness be now dropped。
The Great Scheme （I cannot resist giving it the mortuary of capital letters） had been； as my readers know； that I should be exclusively and consecutively dedicated through the whole of my life； 'to the manifest and uninterrupted and uncompromised service of the Lord'。 That had been the aspiration of my Mother； and at her death she had bequeathed that desire to my Father； like a dream of the Promised Land。 In their ecstasy； my parents had taken me； as Elkanah and Hannah had long ago taken Samuel； from their mountain…home of Ramathaim…Zophim down to sacrifice to the Lord of Hosts in Shiloh。 They had girt me about with a linen ephod； and had hoped to leave me there； 'as long as he liveth；' they had said； 'he shall be lent unto the Lord。'
Doubtless in the course of these fourteen years it had occasionally flashed upon my Father； as he overheard some speech of mine； or detected some idiosyncrasy； that I was not one of those whose temperament points them out as ultimately fitted for an austere life of religion。 What he hoped； however； was that when the little roughnesses of childhood were rubbed away； there would pass a deep mellowness over my soul。 He had a touching way of condoning my faults of conduct； directly after reproving them； and he would softly deprecate my frailty； saying； in a tone of harrowing tenderness； 'Are you not the child of many prayers？' He continued to think that prayer； such passionate importunate prayer as his； must prevail。 Faith could move mountains； should it not be able to mould the little ductile heart of a child； since he was sure that his own faith was unfaltering？ He had yearned and waited for a son who should be totally without human audacities； who should be humble； pure； not troubled by worldly agitations； a son whose life should be cleansed and straightened from above； in custodiendo sermones Dei； in whom everything should be sacrificed except the one thing needful to salvation。
How such a marvel of lowly piety was to earn a living had never； I think； occurred to him。 My Father was singularly indifferent about money。 Perhaps his notion was that； totally devoid of ambitions as I was to be； I should quietly become adult； and continue his ministrations among the poor of the Christian flock。 He had some dim dream； I think； of there being just enough for us all without my having to take up any business or trade。 I believe it was immediately after my first term at boarding…school； that I was a silent but indignant witness of a conversation between my Father and Mr。 Thomas Brightwen； my stepmother's brother； who was a banker in one of the Eastern Counties。
This question； 'What is he to be？' in a worldly sense； was being discussed； and Tam sure that it was for the first time； at all events in my presence。 Mr。 Brightwen； I fancy； had been worked upon by my stepmother； whose affection for me was always on the increase； to suggest； or faintly to stir the air in the neighbourhood of suggesting； a query about my future。 He was childless and so was she； and I think a kind impulse led them to 'feel the way'； as it is called。 I believe he said that the banking business； wisely and honourably conducted； someti