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Happy Thoughts： F。 C。 Burnand Dr。 Johnson's Prayers and Meditations
Margaret Ogilvy： J。 M。 Barrie Confessions of a Thug： Taylor General
Catalogue of the Oxford University Press The Morning's War： C 。 E。
Montague The Spirit of Man： edited by Robert Bridges The Romany
Rye： Borrow Poems： Emily Dickinson Poems： George Herbert The
House of Cobwebs： George Gissing
So far had he got； and was beginning to say to himself that in the
interests of Advertising （who is a jealous mistress） he had best call a halt；
when his host entered the room； his small face eager； his eyes blue points
of light。
〃Come； Mr。 Aubrey Gilbert！〃 he cried。 〃The meal is set。 You want to
wash your hands？ Make haste then； this way： the eggs are hot and
waiting。〃
The dining room into which the guest was conducted betrayed a
feminine touch not visible in the smoke…dimmed quarters of shop and
cabinet。 At the windows were curtains of laughing chintz and pots of pink
geranium。 The table； under a drop…light in a flame…coloured silk screen；
was brightly set with silver and blue china。 In a cut…glass decanter
sparkled a ruddy brown wine。 The edged tool of Advertising felt his
spirits undergo an unmistakable upward pressure。
〃Sit down； sir；〃 said Mifflin； lifting the roof of a platter。 〃These are
eggs Samuel Butler； an invention of my own； the apotheosis of hen fruit。〃
Gilbert greeted the invention with applause。 An Egg Samuel Butler；
for the notebook of housewives； may be summarized as a pyramid； based
upon toast； whereof the chief masonries are a flake of bacon； an egg
poached to firmness； a wreath of mushrooms； a cap…sheaf of red peppers；
the whole dribbled with a warm pink sauce of which the inventor retains
the secret。 To this the bookseller chef added fried potatoes from another
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THE HAUNTED BOOKSHOP
dish； and poured for his guest a glass of wine。
〃This is California catawba；〃 said Mifflin； 〃in which the grape and the
sunshine very pleasantly （and cheaply） fulfil their allotted destiny。 I pledge
you prosperity to the black art of Advertising！〃
The psychology of the art and mystery of Advertising rests upon tact；
an instinctive perception of the tone and accent which will be en rapport
with the mood of the hearer。 Mr。 Gilbert was aware of this； and felt that
quite possibly his host was prouder of his whimsical avocation as gourmet
than of his sacred profession as a bookman。
〃Is it possible； sir；〃 he began； in lucid Johnsonian； 〃that you can
concoct so delicious an entree in so few minutes？ You are not hoaxing me？
There is no secret passage between Gissing Street and the laboratories of
the Ritz？〃
〃Ah； you should taste Mrs。 Mifflin's cooking！〃 said the bookseller。 〃I
am only an amateur； who dabble in the craft during her absence。 She is on
a visit to her cousin in Boston。 She becomes； quite justifiably； weary of
the tobacco of this establishment； and once or twice a year it does her
good to breathe the pure serene of Beacon Hill。 During her absence it is
my privilege to inquire into the ritual of housekeeping。 I find it very
sedative after the incessant excitement and speculation of the shop。〃
〃I should have thought；〃 said Gilbert； 〃that life in a bookshop would
be delightfully tranquil。〃
〃Far from it。 Living in a bookshop is like living in a warehouse of
explosives。 Those shelves are ranked with the most furious combustibles
in the worldthe brains of men。 I can spend a rainy afternoon reading；
and my mind works itself up to such a passion and anxiety over mortal
problems as almost unmans me。 It is terribly nerve…racking。 Surround a
man with Carlyle； Emerson； Thoreau； Chesterton； Shaw； Nietzsche； and
George Ade would you wonder at his getting excited？ What would
happen to a cat if she had to live in a room tapestried with catnip？ She
would go crazy！〃
〃Truly； I had never thought of that phase of bookselling；〃 said the
young man。 〃How is it； though； that libraries are shrines of such austere
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THE HAUNTED BOOKSHOP
calm？ If books are as provocative as you suggest； one would expect
every librarian to utter the shrill screams of a hierophant； to clash ecstatic
castanets in his silent alcoves！〃
〃Ah； my boy； you forget the card index！ Librarians invented that
soothing device for the febrifuge of their souls； just as I fall back upon the
rites of the kitchen。 Librarians would all go mad； those capable of
concentrated thought； if they did not have the cool and healing card index
as medicament！ Some more of the eggs？〃
〃Thank you；〃 said Gilbert。 〃Who was the butler whose name was
associated with the dish？〃
〃What？〃 cried Mifflin； in agitation； 〃you have not heard of Samuel
Butler； the author of The Way of All Flesh？ My dear young man；
whoever permits himself to die before he has read that book； and also
Erewhon； has deliberately forfeited his chances of paradise。 For paradise
in the world to come is uncertain； but there is indeed a heaven on this earth；
a heaven which we inhabit when we read a good book。 Pour yourself
another glass of wine； and permit me〃
（Here followed an enthusiastic development of the perverse
philosophy of Samuel Butler； which； in deference to my readers； I omit。
Mr。 Gilbert took notes of the conversation in his pocketbook； and I am
pleased to say that his heart was moved to a realization of his iniquity； for
he was observed at the Public Library a few days later asking for a copy of
The Way of All Flesh。 After inquiring at four libraries； and finding all
copies of the book in circulation； he was compelled to buy one。 He never
regretted doing so。）
〃But I am forgetting my duties as host；〃 said Mifflin。 〃Our dessert
consists of apple sauce； gingerbread； and coffee