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Is the last word to be spelt with one or two s's？ 〃asked the young
Doctor。
The company laughed feebly at this question。 I answered it soberly。
With one s。 There are more foolish people among the Ifs than there
are among the Ases。
The company looked puzzled； and asked for an explanation。
This is the meaning of those two words as I interpret them：
If it were；if it might be；if it could be；if it had been。 One
portion of mankind go through life always regretting； always whining；
always imagining。 These are the people whose backbones remain
cartilaginous all their lives long； as do those of certain other
vertebrate animals；the sturgeons； for instance。 A good many poets
must be classed with this group of vertebrates。
As it is；this is the way in which the other class of people look at
the conditions in which they find themselves。 They may be optimists
or pessimists； they are very largely optimists；but； taking things
just as they find them； they adjust the facts to their wishes if they
can； and if they cannot； then they adjust themselves to the facts。 I
venture to say that if one should count the Ifs and the Ases in the
conversation of his acquaintances； he would find the more able and
important persons among themstatesmen； generals； men of business
among the Ases； and the majority of the conspicuous failures among
the Ifs。 I don't know but this would be as good a test as that of
Gideon；lapping the water or taking it up in the hand。 I have a
poetical friend whose conversation is starred as thick with ifs as a
boiled ham is with cloves。 But another friend of mine； a business
man； whom I trust in making my investments； would not let me meddle
with a certain stock which I fancied； because； as he said； 〃there are
too many ifs in it。 As it looks now； I would n't touch it。〃
I noticed； the other evening； that some private conversation was
going on between the Counsellor and the two Annexes。 There was a
mischievous look about the little group； and I thought they were
hatching some plot among them。 I did not hear what the English Annex
said； but the American girl's voice was sharper； and I overheard what
sounded to me like； 〃It is time to stir up that young Doctor。〃 The
Counsellor looked very knowing； and said that he would find a chance
before long。 I was rather amused to see how readily he entered into
the project of the young people。 The fact is； the Counsellor is
young for his time of life； for he already betrays some signs of the
change referred to in that once familiar street song； which my
friend； the great American surgeon； inquired for at the music…shops
under the title； as he got it from the Italian minstrel；
〃Silva tredi mondi goo。〃
I saw； soon after this； that the Counsellor was watching his chance
to 〃stir up the young Doctor。〃
It does not follow； because our young Doctor's bald spot is slower in
coming than he could have wished； that he has not had time to form
many sound conclusions in the calling to which he has devoted himself
Vesalius； the father of modern descriptive anatomy； published his
great work on that subject before he was thirty。 Bichat； the great
anatomist and physiologist； who died near the beginning of this
century； published his treatise； which made a revolution in anatomy
and pathology； at about the same age； dying soon after he had reached
the age of thirty。 So； possibly the Counsellor may find that he has
〃stirred up〃 a young man who； can take care of his own head； in case
of aggressive movements in its direction。
〃Well； Doctor；〃 the Counsellor began； 〃how are stocks… in the measles
market about these times？ Any corner in bronchitis？ Any syndicate
in the vaccination business？〃 All this playfully。
〃I can't say how it is with other people's patients； most of my
families are doing very well without my help； at this time。〃
〃Do tell me； Doctor； how many families you own。 I have heard it said
that some of our fellow…citizens have two distinct families； but you
speak as if you had a dozen。〃
〃I have； but not so large a number as I should like。 I could take
care of fifteen or twenty more without： having to work too hard。〃
〃Why； Doctor； you are as bad as a Mormon。 What do you mean by
calling certain families yours？〃
〃Don't you speak about my client？ Don't your clients call you their
lawyer？ Does n't your baker； does n't your butcher； speak of the
families he supplies as his families？〃
To be sure； yes； of course they do； but I had a notion that a man had
as many doctors as he had organs to be doctored。〃
〃Well； there is some truth in that； but did you think the old…
fashioned family doctor was extinct； a fossil like the megatherium？〃
〃Why； yes； after the recent experience of a friend of mine； I did
begin to think that there would soon be no such personage left as
that same old…fashioned family doctor。 Shall I tell you what that
experience was？〃
The young Doctor said be should be mightily pleased to hear it。 He
was going to be one of those old…fogy practitioners himself。
〃I don't know；〃 the Counsellor said； 〃whether my friend got all the
professional terms of his story correctly； nor whether I have got
them from him without making any mistakes； but if I do make blunders
in some of the queer names； you can correct me。 This is my friend's
story：
〃My family doctor；' he said； 〃was a very sensible man； educated at a
school where they professed to teach all the specialties； but not
confining himself to any one branch of medical practice。 Surgical
practice he did not profess to meddle with； and there were some
classes of patients whom he was willing to leave to the female
physician。 But throughout the range of diseases not requiring
exceptionally skilled manual interference； his education had
authorized him to consider himself； and he did consider himself；
qualified to undertake the treatment of all ordinary cases… It so
happened that my young wife was one of those uneasy persons who are
never long contented with their habitual comforts and blessings； but
always trying to find something a little better； something newer； at
any rate。 I was getting to be near fifty years old； and it happened
to me； as it not rarely does to people at about that time of life；
that my hair began to fall out。 I spoke of it to my doctor； who
smiled； said it was a part of the process of reversed evolution； but
might be retarded a little； and gave me a prescription。 I did not
find any great effect from it； and my wife would have me go to a
noted dermatologist。 The distinguished specialist examined my
denuded scalp with great care。 He looked at it through a strong
magnifier。 He examined the bulb of a fallen hair in a powerful
microscope。 He deliberated for a while； and then said； 〃This is a
case of alopecia。 It may perhaps be partially remedied。 I will give
you a prescription。〃 Which he did； and told me to