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endearment are the only ones the lover wants to employ； and he finds
the vocabulary too limited for his vast desires。 So his letters are
apt to be rather tedious except to the personage to whom they are
addressed。 As to poetry； it is very common to find it in love…
letters； especially in those that have no love in them。 The letters
of bigamists and polygamists are rich in poetical extracts。
Occasionally； an original spurt in rhyme adds variety to an otherwise
monotonous performance。 I don't think there is much passion in men's
poetry addressed to women。 I agree with The Dictator that poetry is
little more than the ashes of passion； still it may show that the
flame has had its sweep where you find it； unless； indeed； it is
shoveled in from another man's fireplace。〃
〃What do you say to the love poetry of women？〃 asked the Professor。
〃Did ever passion heat words to incandescence as it did those of
Sappho？〃
The Counsellor turned；not to Number Five； as he ought to have done；
according to my programme； but to the Mistress。
〃Madam；〃 he said； 〃your sex is adorable in many ways； but in the
abandon of a genuine love…letter it is incomparable。 I have seen a
string of women's love…letters； in which the creature enlaced herself
about the object of her worship as that South American parasite which
clasps the tree to which it has attached itself； begins with a
slender succulent network； feeds on the trunk； spreads its fingers
out to hold firmly to one branch after another； thickens； hardens；
stretches in every direction； following the boughs；and at length
gets strong enough to hold in its murderous arms； high up in air； the
stump and shaft of the once sturdy growth that was its support and
subsistence。〃
The Counsellor did not say all this quite so formally as I have set
it down here； but in a much easier way。 In fact； it is impossible to
smooth out a conversation from memory without stiffening it； you
can't have a dress shirt look quite right without starching the
bosom。
Some of us would have liked to hear more about those letters in the
divorce cases； but the Counsellor had to leave the table。 He
promised to show us some pictures he has of the South American
parasite。 I have seen them； and I can assure you they are very
curious。
The following verses were found in the urn； or sugar…bowl。
CACOETHES SCRIBENDI。
If all the trees in all the woods were men；
And each and every blade of grass a pen；
If every leaf on every shrub and tree
Turned to a sheet of foolscap； every sea
Were changed to ink； and all earth's living tribes
Had nothing else to do but act as scribes；
And for ten thousand ages； day and night；
The human race should write； and write； and write；
Till all the pens and paper were used up；
And the huge inkstand was an empty cup；
Still would the scribblers clustered round its brim
Call for more pens； more paper； and more ink。
V
〃Dolce； ma non troppo dolce；〃 said the Professor to the Mistress； who
was sweetening his tea。 She always sweetens his and mine for us。 He
has been attending a series of concerts； and borrowed the form of the
directions to the orchestra。 〃Sweet； but not too sweet；〃 he said；
translating the Italian for the benefit of any of the company who
might not be linguists or musical experts。
〃Do you go to those musical hullabaloos？〃 called out Number Seven。
There was something very much like rudeness in this question and the
tone in which it was asked。 But we are used to the outbursts； and
extravagances； and oddities of Number Seven； and do not take offence
at his rough speeches as we should if any other of the company
uttered them。
〃If you mean the concerts that have been going on this season； yes； I
do；〃 said the Professor； in a bland； good…humored way。
〃And do you take real pleasure in the din of all those screeching and
banging and growling instruments？〃
〃Yes；〃 he answered； modestly； 〃I enjoy she brouhaha； if you choose to
consider it such； of all this quarrelsome menagerie of noise…making
machines； brought into order and harmony by the presiding genius； the
leader； who has made a happy family of these snarling stringed
instruments and whining wind instruments； so that although
Linguae centum sent； oraque centum；
notwithstanding there are a hundred vibrating tongues and a hundred
bellowing mouths； their one grand blended and harmonized uproar sets
all my fibres tingling with a not unpleasing tremor。〃
〃Do you understand it？ Do you take any idea from it？ Do you know
what it all means？〃 said Number Seven。
The Professor was long…suffering under this series of somewhat
peremptory questions。 He replied very placidly； 〃I am afraid I have
but a superficial outside acquaintance with the secrets； the
unfathomable mysteries； of music。 I can no more conceive of the
working conditions of the great composer；
'Untwisting all the chains that tie
The hidden soul of harmony；'
than a child of three years can follow the reasonings of Newton's
'Principia。' I do not even pretend that I can appreciate the work of
a great master as a born and trained musician does。 Still； I do love
a great crash of harmonies； and the oftener I listen to these musical
tempests the higher my soul seems to ride upon them； as the wild fowl
I see through my window soar more freely and fearlessly the fiercer
the storm with which they battle。〃
〃That's all very well；〃 said Number Seven； 〃but I wish we could get
the old…time music back again。 You ought to have heard；no； I won't
mention her； dead； poor girl；dead and singing with the saints in
heaven；but the S_____ girls。 If you could have heard them as I did
when I was a boy； you would have cried； as we all used to。 Do you
cry at those great musical smashes？ How can you cry when you don't
know what it is all about？ We used to think the words meant
something；we fancied that Burns and Moore said some things very
prettily。 I suppose you've outgrown all that。〃
No one can handle Number Seven in one of his tantrums half so well as
Number Five can do it。 She can pick out what threads of sense may be
wound off from the tangle of his ideas when they are crowded and
confused； as they are apt to be at times。 She can soften the
occasional expression of half…concealed ridicule with which the poor
old fellow's sallies are liable to be welcomedor unwelcomed。 She
knows that the edge of a broken teacup may be sharper； very possibly；
than that of a philosopher's jackknife。 A mind a little off its
balance； one which has a slightly squinting brain as its organ； will
often prove fertile in suggestions。 Vulgar； cynical； contemptuous
listeners fly at all its weaknesses； and please themselves with
making light of its of