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would have been utterly unequal to the emergency。 As it was； he could
only bestow a superficial hand…wave upon a company of gold…
embroidered musicians who greeted his return with appropriate melody；
and a glance of well…indicated regret that he had no fuller means of
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conveying his complicated emotions； in the direction of the uppermost tier
of maidens。 Then the awaiting Sir Philip took him firmly towards the inner
part of the pavilion； and announced； so adroitly and with such high…
spirited vigour had this one maintained the conflict； that it had been
resolutely agreed on all sides not to make a test of his competence any
further。
Thereupon a band of very sumptuously arrayed nymphs drew near
with offerings of liquid fat and a variety of crimson fruit； which it is
customary to grind together on the platterunapproachable in the result；
certainly； yet incredibly elusive to the unwary in the manner of bruising；
and practically ineradicable upon the more delicate shades of silk garment。
In such a situation the one who is now relating the various incidents of the
day may be imagined by a broad…minded and affectionate sire： partaking
of this native fruit and oil； and from time to time expressing his insatiable
anguish that he continually fails to become more proficient in controlling
the oblique movements of the viands； while the less successful crickets are
constrained to persevere in the combat； and the ever…present note of
evasive purport is raised by a voice from behind a screen exclaiming； 〃Out
afore？ That he may have been； but do ee think we was a…going to give he
out afore？ No； maaster； us doant a…have a circus every day hereabouts。〃
Thus may this imagination of competitive locusts be set forth to the
end。 If a fuller proof of what an unostentatious self…effacement hesitates to
enlarge upon were required； it might be found in the barbarian printed leaf；
for the next day this person saw a public record of the strife； in which his
own name was followed by a numerical emblem signifying that he had not
stumbled or proved incompetent in any one particular。 Sir Philip； I beheld
with pained surprise； had obtusely suffered himself to be caught out in the
committal of fifty…nine set offences。
With a not unnatural anticipation that； as a result of this painstaking
description； this person will find two well…equipped camps of contending
locusts in Yuen…ping on his return。
KONG HO。
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LETTER XII
Concerning the obvious misunderstanding which has entwined itself
about a revered parent's faculties of passionless discrimination。 The all…
water disportment and the two； of different sexes； who after regarding me
conflictingly from the beginning； ended in a like but inverted manner。
VENERATED SIRE；Your gem…adorned letter containing a thousand
burnished words of profuse reproach has entered my diminished soul in
the form of an equal number of rusty barbs。 Can it be that the incapable
person whom； as you truly say； you sent； 〃to observe the philosophical
subtleties of the barbarians； to study their dynastical records and to
associate liberally with the venerable and dignified；〃 has； in your own
unapproachable felicity of ceremonial expression； 〃according to a discreet
whisper from many sources； chiefly affected the society of tea…house
maidens； the immature of both sexes； doubtful characters of all classes；
and criminals awaiting trial； has evinced an unswerving affinity towards
light amusement and entertainments of a no…class kind； and in place of a
wise aloofness； befitting a wearer of the third Gold Button and the Horn
Belt…clasp； in situations of critical perplexity； seems by his own ingenuous
showing to have maintained an unparalleled aptitude for behaving either
with the crystalline simplicity of a Kan…su earth…tiller； or the misplaced
buffoonery of a seventh…grade body…writher taking the least significant
part in an ill…equipped Swatow one…cash Hall of Varied Melodies。〃
Assuredly； if your striking and well…chosen metaphors were not more
unbalanced than the ungainly attitude of a one…legged hunchback crossing
a raging torrent by means of a slippery plank on a stormy night； they
would cause the very acutest bitterness to the throat of a dutiful and
always high…stepping son。 There is an apt saying； however； 〃A quarrel
between two soldiers in the market…place becomes a rebellion in the
outskirts；〃 and when this person remembers that many thousand li of
mixed elements flow between him and his usually correct and
dispassionate sire； he is impelled to take a mild and tolerant attitude
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towards the momentary injustice brought about by the weakness of
approaching old age； the vile…intentioned mendacity of outcasts envious of
the House of Kong； and； perchance； the irritation brought on by a too
lavish indulgence in your favourite dish of stewed mouse。
Having thus re…established himself in the clear…sighted affection of an
ever mild and perfect father； and cleansed the ground of all possible
misunderstandings in the future； this person will concede the fact that； not
to stand beneath the faintest shadow of an implied blemish in your
sympathetic eyes； he had no sooner understood the attitude in which he
had been presented than he at once plunged into the virtuous society of a
band of the sombre and benevolent。
These； so far as his intelligence enables him to grasp the position； may
be reasonably accepted as the barbarian equivalent of those very high…
minded persons who in our land devote their whole lives secretly to killing
others whom they consider the chief deities do not really approve of； for