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r； but in offering me consolation you manifested no slight sorrow of heart yourself。 Yet； after all； your son Servius by all the kindness of which such a time admitted made it evident； both how much he personally valued me； and how gratifying to you he thought such affection for me would be。 His kind offices have of course often been pleasanter to me； yet never more acceptable。 For myself again； it is not only your words and （I had almost said） your partnership in my sorrow that consoles me； it is your character also。 For I think it a disgrace that I should not bear my loss as youa man of such wisdom think it should be borne。 But at times I am taken by surprise and scarcely offer any resistance to my grief； because those consolations fail me； which were not wanting in a similar misfortune to those others； whose examples I put before my eyes。 For instance； Quintus Maximus； who lost a son who had been consul and was of illustrious character and brilliant achievements； and Lucius Paullus； who lost two within seven days； and your kinsman Gallus and M。 Cato； who each lost a son of the highest character and valour；all lived in circumstances which permitted their own great position； earned by their public services； to assuage their grief。 In my case； after losing the honours which you yourself mention； and which I had gained by the greatest possible exertions； there was only that one solace left which has now been torn away。 My sad musings were not interrupted by the business of my friends； nor by the management of public affairs： there was nothing I cared to do in the forum： I could not bear the sight of the senate…house； I thoughtas was the factthat I had lost all the fruits both of my industry and of fortune。 But while I thought that I shared these losses with you and certain others； and while I was conquering my feelings and forcing myself to bear them with patience； I had a refuge； one bosom where I could find repose； one in whose conversation and sweetness I could lay aside all anxieties and sorrows。 But now； after such a crushing blow as this； the wounds which seemed to have healed break out afresh。 For there is no republic now to offer me a refuge and a consolation by its good fortunes when I leave my home in sorrow； as there once was a home to receive me when I returned saddened by the state of public affairs。 Hence I absent myself both from home and forum； because home can no longer console the sorrow which public affairs cause me； nor public affairs that which I suffer at home。 All the more I look forward to your coming； and long to see you as soon as possible。 No reasoning can give me greater solace than a renewal of our intercourse and conversation。 However； I hope your arrival is approaching； for that is what I am told。 For myself； while I have many reasons for wishing to see you as soon as possible； there is this one especiallythat we may discuss beforehand on what principles we should live through this period of entire submission to the will of one man who is at once wise and liberal； far； as I think I perceive； from being hostile to me； and very friendly to you。 But though that is so； yet it is a matter for serious thought what plans； I don't say of action； but of passing a quiet life by his leave and kindness； we should adopt。 Good…bye。
XXIX
To ATTICUS （AT ROME）
PUTEOLI； 2！ DECEMBER
WELL； I have no reason after all to repent my formidable guest！ For he made himself exceedingly pleasant。 But on his arrival at the villa of Philippus on the evening of the second day of the Saturnalia； the villa was so choke full of soldiers that there was scarcely a dining…room left for Caesar himself to dine in。 Two thousand men； if you please！ I was in a great taking as to what was to happen the next day； and so Cassius Barba came to my aid and gave me guards。 A camp was pitched in the open； the villa was put in a state of defence。 He stayed with Philippus on the third day of the Saturnalia till one o'clock； without admitting anyone。 He was engaged on his accounts； I think； with Balbus。 Then he took a walk on the beach。 After two he went to the bath。 Then he heard about Mamurra without changing countenance。 He was anointed： took his place at the table。 He was under a course of emetics； and so ate and drank without scruple and as suited his taste。 It was a very good dinner； and well served； and not only so； but
〃Well cooked； well seasoned food； with rare discourse： A banquet in a word to cheer the heart。〃
Besides this； the staff were entertained in three rooms in a very liberal style。 The freedmen of lower rank and the slaves had everything they could want。 But the upper sort had a really recherche dinner。 In fact； I shewed that I was somebody。 However； he is not a guest to whom one would say； 〃Pray look me up again on your way back。〃 Once is enough。 We didn't say a word about politics。 There was plenty of literary talk。 In short； he was pleased and enjoyed himself。 He said he should stay one day at Puteoli； another at Baiaee。 That's the story of the entertainment； or I might call it the billeting on metrying to the temper； but not seriously inconvenient。 I am staying on here for a short time and then go to Tusculum。 When he was passing Dolabella's villa； the whole guard formed up on the right and left of his horse； and nowhere else。 This I was told by Nicias。
XXX
To ATTICUS （AT ROME）
MATIUS'S SUBURBAN VILLA； 7 APRIL
I HAVE come on a visit to the man； of whom I was talking to you this morning。 His view is that 〃the state of things is perfectly shocking： that there is no way out of the embroglio。 For if a man of Caesar's genius failed； who can hope to succeed ？〃 In short； he says that the ruin is complete。 I am not sure that he is wrong； but then he rejoices in it； and declares that within twenty days there will be a rising in Gaul： that he has not had any conversation with anyone except Lepidus since the Ides of March： finally that these things can't pass off like this。 What a wise man Oppius is； who regrets Caesar quite as much； but yet says nothing that can offend any loyalist！ But enough of this。 Pray don't be idle about writing me word of anything new； for I expect a great deal。 Among other things； whether we can rely on Sextus Pompeius； but above all about our friend Brutus； of whom my host says that Caesar was in the habit of remarking： 〃It is of great importance what that man wishes； at any rate； whatever he wishes he wishes strongly〃： and that he noticed； when he was pleading for Deiotarus at Nicaea； that he seemed to speak with great spirit and freedom。 Alsofor I like to jot down things as they occur to methat when on the request of Sestius I went to Caesar's house； and was sitting waiting till I was called in； he remarked： 〃Can I doubt that I am exceedingly disliked； when Marcus Cicero has to sit waiting and cannot see me at his own convenience？ And yet if there is a good…natured man in the world it is he； still I feel no doubt that he heartily dislikes me。〃 This and a good deal of the same sort。 But to my purpose。 Whatever the news； small as well as great； write and tell me of it。 I will on my side let nothing pass。
XXXI
To ATTICUS （AT ROME）
ASTURA； II JUNE
AT length a letter…carrier f