按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
liability which I had undertaken made no very serious demands on
my resources。 Placed in Benjamin's charge； our subscription…list
prospered。 Friends； and even strangers sometimes； opened their
hearts and their purses when they heard Ariel's melancholy story。
The day which followed the day of Mr。 Playmore's visit brought
me news from Spain； in a letter from my mother…in…law。 To
describe what I felt when I broke the seal and read the first
lines is simply impossible。 Let Mrs。 Macallan be heard on this
occasion in my place。
Thus she wrote：
〃Prepare yourself； my dearest Valeria； for a delightful
surprise。 Eustace has justified my confidence in him。 When he
returns to England； he returnsif you will let himto his wife。
〃This resolution； let me hasten to assure you； has not been
brought about by any persuasions of mine。 It is the natural
outgrowth of your husband's gratitude and your husband's love。
The first words he said to me； when he was able to speak； were
these： 'If I live to return to England； and if I go to Valeria；
do you think she will forgive me？' We can only leave it to you；
my dear； to give the answer。 If you love us； answer us by return
of post。
〃Having now told you what he said when I first informed him that
you had been his nurseand remember； if it seem very little；
that he is still too weak to speak except with difficultyI
shall purposely keep my letter back for a few days。 My object is
to give him time to think； and to frankly tell you of it if the
interval produce any change in his resolution。
〃Three days have passed； and there is no change。 He has but one
feeling nowhe longs for the day which is to unite him again to
his wife。
〃But there is something else connected with Eustace that you
ought to know； and that I ought to tell you。
〃Greatly as time and suffering have altered him in many respects；
there is no change； Valeria； in the aversionthe horror I may
even saywith which he views your idea of inquiring anew into
the circumstances which attended the lamentable death of his
first wife。 It makes no difference to him that you are only
animated by a desire to serve his interests。 'Has she given up
that idea？ Are you positively sure she has given up that idea？'
Over and over again he has put these questions to me。 I have
answeredwhat else could I do in the miserably feeble state in
which he still lies？I have answered in such a manner as to
soothe and satisfy him。 I have said； 'Relieve your mind of all
anxiety on that subject： Valeria has no choice but to give up the
idea； the obstacles in her way have proved to be
insurmountablethe obstacles have conquered her。' This； if you
remember； was what I really believed would happen when you and I
spoke of that painful topic； and I have heard nothing from you
since which has tended to shake my opinion in the smallest
degree。 If I am right （as I pray God I may be） in the view that I
take； you h ave only to confirm me in your reply； and all will be
well。 In the other eventthat is to say； if you are still
determined to persevere in your hopeless projectthen make up
your mind to face the result。 Set Eustace's prejudices at
defiance in this particular； and you lose your hold on his
gratitude； his penitence； and his loveyou will； in my belief；
never see him again。
〃I express myself strongly； in your own interests； my dear； and
for your own sake。 When you reply； write a few lines to Eustace；
inclosed in your letter to me。
〃As for the date of our departure； it is still impossible for me
to give you any definite information。 Eustace recovers very
slowly； the doctor has not yet allowed him to leave his bed； and
when we do travel we must journey by easy stages。 It will be at
least six weeks； at the earliest； before we can hope to be back
again in dear Old England。
〃Affectionately yours；
〃CATHERINE MACALLAN。〃
I laid down the letter； and did my best （vainly enough for some
time） to compose my spirits。 To understand the position in which
I now found myself； it is only necessary to remember one
circumstance： the messenger to whom we had committed our
inquiries was at that moment crossing the Atlantic on his way to
New York。
What was to be done？
I hesitated。 Shocking as it may seem to some people； I hesitated。
There was really no need to hurry my decision。 I had the whole
day before me。
I went out and took a wretched； lonely walk； and turned the
matter over in my mind。 I came home again； and turned the matter
over once more by the fireside。 To offend and repel my darling
when he was returning to me； penitently returning of his own free
will； was what no woman in my position； and feeling as I did；
could under any earthly circumstances have brought herself to do。
And yet。 on the other hand； how in Heaven's name could I give up
my grand enterprise at the very time when even wise and prudent
Mr。 Playmore saw such a prospect of succeeding in it that he had
actually volunteered to help me？ Placed between those two cruel
alternatives； which could I choose？ Think of your own frailties；
and have some mercy on mine。 I turned my back on both the
alternatives。 Those two agreeable fiends； Prevarication and
Deceit； took me； as it were； softly by the hand： 〃Don't commit
yourself either way； my dear；〃 they said； in their most
persuasive manner。 〃Write just enough to compose your
mother…in…law and to satisfy your husband。 You have got time
before you。 Wait and see if Time doesn't stand your friend； and
get you out of the difficulty。〃
Infamous advice！ And yet I took itI； who had been well brought
up； and who ought to have known better。 You who read this
shameful confession would have known better； I am sure。 _You_ are
not included； in the Prayer…book category； among the 〃miserable
sinners。〃
Well！ well！ let me have virtue enough to tell the truth。 In
writing to my mother…in…law； I informed her that it had been
found necessary to remove Miserrimus Dexter to an asylumand I
left her to draw her own conclusions from that fact；
unenlightened by so much as one word of additional information。
In the same way； I told my husband a part of the truth； and no
more。 I said I forgave him with all my heartand I did！ I said
he had only to come to me； and I would receive him with open
armsand so I would！ As for the rest； let me say with
Hamlet〃The rest is silence。〃
Having dispatched my unworthy letters； I found myself growing
restless； and feeling the want of a change。 It would be necessary
to wait at least eight or nine days before we could hope to hear
by telegraph from New York。 I bade farewell for a time to my dear
and admirable Benjamin； and betook myself to my old home in the
North； at the vicarage of my uncle Starkweather。 My journey to
Spain to nurse Eustace had made my peace with my worthy
relatives； we had exchanged friendly letters； and I had promised
to be their guest as soon as it was possible for me to leave
London。
I passed a quiet and （all things considered） a happy time among
the old scenes。 I visited once more the bank by the river…side；
where Eustace and I had first met。 I walked again o