按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
heard from her yet。 〃Say yes； Valeria；〃 she whispered； 〃and be
dearer to me and dearer to him than ever！〃
My heart sided with her。 My energies were worn out。 No letter had
arrived from Mr。 Playmore to guide and to encourage me。 I had
resisted so long and so vainly； I had tried and suffered so much；
I had met with such cruel disasters and such reiterated
disappointmentsand he was in the room beneath me； feebly
finding his way back to consciousness and to lifehow could I
resist？ It was all over。 In saying Yes （if Eustace confirmed his
mother's confidence in him）； I was saying adieu to the one
cherished ambition； the one dear and noble hope of my life。 I
knew itand I said Yes。
And so good…by to the grand struggle！ And so welcome to the new
resignation which owned that I had failed。
My mother…in…law and I slept together under the only shelter
that the inn could offer to usa sort of loft at the top of the
house。 The night that followed our conversation was bitterly
cold。 We felt the chilly temperature； in spite of the protection
of our dressing…gowns and our traveling…wrappers。 My
mother…in…law slept； but no rest came to me。 I was too anxious
and too wretched； thinking over my changed position； and doubting
how my husband would receive me； to be able to sleep。
Some hours； as I suppose； must have passed； and I was still
absorbed in my own melancholy thoughts； when I suddenly became
conscious of a new and strange sensation which astonished and
alarmed me。 I started up in the bed； breathless and bewildered。
The movement awakened Mrs。 Macallan。 〃Are you ill？〃 she asked。
〃What is the matter with you？〃 I tried to tell her； as well as I
could。 She seemed to understand me before I had done； she took me
tenderly in her arms； and pressed me to her bosom。 〃My poor
innocent child；〃 she said； 〃is it possible you don't know？ Must I
really tell you？〃 She whispered her next words。 Shall I ever
forget the tumult of feelings which the whisper aroused in
methe strange medley of joy and fear； and wonder and relief；
and pride and humility； which filled my whole being； and made a
new woman of me from that moment？ Now； for the first time； I knew
it！ If God spared me for a few months more； the most enduring and
the most sacred of all human joys might be minethe joy of being
a mother。
I don't know how the rest of the night passed。 I only find my
memory again when the morning came； and when I went out by myself
to breathe the crisp wintry air on the open moor behind the inn。
I have said that I felt like a new woman。 The morning found me
with a new resolution and a new courage。 When I thought of the
future； I had not only my husband to consider now。 His good name
was no longer his own and mineit might soon become the most
precious inheritance that he could leave to his child。 What had I
done while I was in ignorance of this？ I had resigned the hope of
cleansing his name from the stain that rested on ita stain
still； no matter how little it might look in the eye of the Law。
Our child might live to hear malicious tongues say； 〃Your father
was tried for the vilest of all murders； and was never absolutely
acquitted of the charge。〃 Could I face the glorious perils of
childbirth with that possibility present to my mind？ No！ not
until I had made one more effort to lay the conscience of
Miserrimus Dexter bare to my view！ not until I had once again
renewed the struggle； and brought the truth that vindicated the
husband and the father to the light of day！
I went back to the house； with my new courage to sustain me。 I
opened my heart to my friend and mother； and told her frankly of
the change that had come over me since we had last spoken of
Eustace。
She was more than disappointedshe was almost offended with me。
The one thing needful had happened； she said。 The happiness that
might soon come to us would form a new tie between my husband and
me。 Every other consideration but this she treated as purely
fanciful。 If I left Eustace now； I did a heartless thing and a
foolish thing。 I should regret； to the end of my days； having
thrown away the one golden opportunity of my married life。
It cost me a hard struggle； it oppressed me with many a painful
doubt； but I held firm this time。 The honor of the father； the
inheritance of the childI kept these thoughts as constant ly as
possible before my mind。 Sometimes they failed me； and left me
nothing better than a poor fool who had some fitful bursts of
crying； and was always ashamed of herself afterward。 But my
native obstinacy （as Mrs。 Macallan said） carried me through。 Now
and then I had a peep at Eustace； while he was asleep； and that
helped me too。 Though they made my heart ache and shook me sadly
at the times those furtive visits to my husband fortified me
afterward。 I cannot explain how this happened （it seems so
contradictory）； I can only repeat it as one of my experiences at
that troubled time。
I made one concession to Mrs。 MacallanI consented to wait for
two days before I took any steps for returning to England； on the
chance that my mind might change in the interval。
It was well for me that I yielded so far。 On the second day the
director of the field…hospital sent to the post…office at our
nearest town for letters addressed to him or to his care。 The
messenger brought back a letter for me。 I thought I recognized
the handwriting； and I was right。 Mr。 Playmore's answer had
reached me at last！
If I had been in any danger of changing my mind； the good lawyer
would have saved me in the nick of time。 The extract that follows
contains the pith of his letter； and shows how he encouraged me
when I stood in sore need of a few cheering and friendly words。
〃Let me now tell you；〃 he wrote； 〃what I have done toward
verifying the conclusion to which your letter points。
〃I have traced one of the servants who was appointed to keep
watch in the corridor on the night when the first Mrs。 Eustace
died at Gleninch。 The man perfectly remembers that Miserrimus
Dexter suddenly appeared before him and his fellow…servant long
after the house was quiet for the night。 Dexter said to them； 'I
suppose there is no harm in my going into the study to read？ I
can't sleep after what has happened； I must relieve my mind
somehow。' The men had no orders to keep any one out of the study。
They knew that the door of communication with the bedchamber was
locked； and that the keys of the two other doors of communication
were in the possession of Mr。 Gale。 They accordingly permitted
Dexter to go into the study。 He closed the door （the door that
opened on the corridor）； and remained absent for some timein
the study as the men supposed； in the bedchamber as we know from
what he let out at his interview with you。 Now he could enter
that room； as you rightly imagine； in but one wayby being in
possession of the missing key。 How long he remained there I
cannot discover。 The point is of little consequence。 The servant
remembers that he came out of the study again 'as pale as death；'
and that he passed on without a word on his way back to his own
room。
〃These are facts。 The conclusion to which they lead is serious in
the last de