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After such glorious oratory as this （I wish I had room to quote
more of it！）； the next； and last； speech delivered at the
Trialthat is to say； the Charge of the Judge to the Juryis
dreary reading indeed。
His lordship first told the Jury that they could not expect to
have direct evidence of the poisoning。 Such evidence hardly ever
occurred in cases of poisoning。 They must be satisfied with the
best circumstantial evidence。 All quite true； I dare say。 But；
having told the Jury they might accept circumstantial evidence；
he turned back again on his own words； and warned them against
being too ready to trust it！ 〃You must have evidence satisfactory
and convincing to your own minds；〃 he said； 〃in which you find no
conjecturesbut only irresistible and just inferences。〃 Who is
to decide what is a just inference？ And what is circumstantial
evidence _but_ conjecture？
After this specimen； I need give no further extracts from the
summing up。 The Jury； thoroughly bewildered no doubt； took refuge
in a compromise。 They occupied an hour in considering and
debating among themselves in their own room。 （A jury of women
would not have taken a minute！） Then they returned into Court；
and gave their timid and trimming Scotch Verdict in these words：
〃Not Proven。〃
Some slight applause followed among the audience； which was
instantly checked。 The prisoner was dismissed from the Bar。 He
slowly retired； like a man in deep grief： his head sunk on his
breastnot looking at any one； and not replying when his friends
spoke to him。 He knew； poor fellow； the slur that the Verdict
left on him。 〃We don't say you are innocent of the crime charged
against you； we only say there is not evidence enough to convict
you。〃 In that lame and impotent conclusion the proceedings ended
at the time。 And there they would have remained for all timebut
for Me。
CHAPTER XXI。
I SEE MY WAY。
IN the gray light of the new morning I closed the Report of my
husband's Trial for the Murder of his first Wife。
No sense of fatigue overpowered me。 I had no wish； after my long
hours of reading and thinking； to lie down and sleep。 It was
strange； but it was so。 I felt as if I _had_ slept； and had now
just awakeneda new woman； with a new mind。
I could now at last understand Eustace's desertion of me。 To a
man of his refinement it would have been a martyrdom to meet his
wife after she had read the things published of him to all the
world in the Report。 I felt that as he would have felt it。 At the
same time I thought he might have trusted Me to make amends to
him for the martyrdom； and might have come back。 Perhaps it might
yet end in his coming back。 In the meanwhile； and in that
expectation； I pitied and forgave him with my whole heart。
One little matter only dwelt on my mind disagreeably； in spite of
my philosophy。 Did Eustace still secretly love Mrs。 Beauly？ or
had I extinguished that passion in him？ To what order of beauty
did this lady belong？ Were we by any chance； the least in the
world like one another？
The window of my room looked to the east。 I drew up the blind；
and saw the sun rising grandly in a clear sky。 The temptation to
go out and breathe the fresh morning air was irresistible。 I put
on my hat and shawl； and took the Report of the Trial under my
arm。 The bolts of the back door were easily drawn。 In another
minute I was out in Benjamin's pretty little garden。
Composed and strengthened by the inviting solitude and the
delicious air； I found courage enough to face the serious
question that now confronted methe question of the future。
I had read the Trial。 I had vowed to devote my life to the sacred
object of vindicating my husband's innocence。 A solitary；
defenseless woman； I stood pledged to myself to carry that
desperate resolution through to an end。 How was I to begin？
The bold way of beginning was surely the wise way in such a
position as mine。 I had good reasons （founded； as I have already
mentioned； on the important part played by this witness at the
Trial） for believing that the fittest person to advise and assist
me wasMiserrimus Dexter。 He might disappoint the expectations
that I had fixed on him； or he might refuse to help me； or （like
my uncle Starkweather） he might think I had taken leave of my
senses。 All these events were possible。 Nevertheless； I held to
my resolution to try the experiment。 If he were in the land of
the living； I decided that my first step at starting should take
me to the deformed man with the strange name。
Supposing he received me； sympathized with me； understood me？
What would he say？ The nurse； in her evidence； had reported him
as speaking in an off…hand manner。 He would say； in all
probability； 〃What do you mean to do？ And how can I help you to
do it？〃
Had I answers ready if those two plain questions were put to me？
Yes！ if I dared own to any human creatu re what was at that very
moment secretly fermenting in my mind。 Yes！ if I could confide to
a stranger a suspicion roused in me by the Trial which I have
been thus far afraid to mention even in these pages！
It must； nevertheless； be mentioned now。 My suspicion led to
results which are part of my story and part of my life。
Let me own； then； to begin with； that I closed the record of the
Trial actually agreeing in one important particular with the
opinion of my enemy and my husband's enemythe Lord Advocate！ He
had characterized the explanation of Mrs。 Eustace Macallan's
death offered by the defense as a 〃clumsy subterfuge； in which no
reasonable being could discern the smallest fragment of
probability。〃 Without going quite so far as this； I； too； could
see no reason whatever in the evidence for assuming that the poor
woman had taken an overdose of the poison by mistake。 I believed
that she had the arsenic secretly in her possession； and that she
had tried； or intended to try； the use of it internally； for the
purpose of improving her complexion。 But further than this I
could not advance。 The more I thought of it； the more plainly
justified the lawyers for the prosecution seemed to me to be in
declaring that Mrs。 Eustace Macallan had died by the hand of a
poisoneralthough they were entirely and certainly mistaken in
charging my husband with the crime。
My husband being innocent； somebody else； on my own showing； must
be guilty。 Who among the persons inhabiting the house at the time
had poisoned Mrs。 Eustace Macallan？ My suspicion in answering
that question pointed straight to a woman。 And the name of that
woman wasMrs。 Beauly！
Yes！ To that startling conclusion I had arrived。 It was； to my
mind； the inevitable result of reading the evidence。
Look back for a moment to the letter produced in court； signed
〃Helena；〃 and addressed to Mr。 Macallan。 No reasonable person can
doubt （though the Judges excused her from answering the question）
that Mrs。 Beauly was the writer。 Very well。 The letter offers； as
I think； trustworthy evidence to show the state of the woman's
mind when she paid her visit to Gleninch。
Writing to Mr。 Macallan； at a time when she was married to
another mana man to whom she had engaged herself before she met
with Mr。 Macalla